


Asylum

by Shadow15



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Autism, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-14 18:55:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 49,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14775305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow15/pseuds/Shadow15
Summary: When David is hospitalised for a suicide attempt, he meets fellow psychiatric patient, Matt, who is convinced that he is "The Doctor".  Matt is a quirky fellow, but so harmless, David can't help but enjoy his company.  Matt, likewise, finds himself becoming so close to David, he can't help but wonder if what he feels is the emotion Amy always told him he'd feel when he found someone he wanted to be with.But the thing is, with the two of them having so many problems of their own, whatever they have between them just can't be easy - especially not when the past has a funny way of sneaking up on you and throwing you back down beneath the water you're barely keeping your head above.





	1. Chapter 1

“Have you two been fighting again…?” Amy Pond’s soft hand cupped the bruised cheek of her best friend while her eyes flickered between the two men sitting before her.  She frowned deeply as they both darted their eyes away, each staring off the side in silence to avoid the question. She shook her head. “Guys… What were you fighting over  _ this _ time?” 

Green eyes flickered with sudden anger before the youthful, brown-haired male known as Matt pointed an accusing finger at the other male seated at the table beside him.  “He keeps telling me that I’m not the Doctor because  _ he  _ is.” 

The man with cropped, darker hair grimaced before his hands clenched the table edge tightly, and he growled out, “Because I  _ am _ !   _ I’m  _ the Doctor!” 

“No, you’re not; you’re an imposter!” 

Amy leant across the table quickly to take both of their hands and soothe them before another fight broke out.  Her fiancée, who had recently gone from general nursing to mental health nursing, kept her updated with these two as they spent their days in a psychiatric hospital, and the things Rory relayed to her made her worry even more for Matt than she had back when they had still been caring for him at their home and trying to stop him from getting himself hurt.  “Matt, Chris; don’t fight, alright? It doesn’t matter to me who is what; I still care about you both.” 

“Nine.” 

“Eleven.” 

She sighed, but she still smiled; it was almost endearing how much they insisted on being referred to by their chosen order of ‘Doctor’.  

She still didn’t know Chris – or, as he preferred to be known by, the Ninth Doctor - too well.  She’d never met him until they’d had to make the hard choice of hospitalizing Matt (the ‘Eleventh’, and no matter how hard she racked her brains, she still couldn’t work out why they’d gone with this order) but she’d learnt enough about his history to have taken him under her wing, too.  She could understand the heartbreak that came with losing everyone around her, and though she and Chris had both lost in  _ very  _ different ways, she still resonated with the anger and sadness deep inside of him.  

Nine forced his usual smiling mask back onto his face now; he  _ did  _ like Amy, and he didn’t want to hurt her when she’d never done anything to him.  Hell, he even hated hurting Eleven, but sometimes his temper exploded and he just couldn’t control himself.  His voice was strained, but he still forced out, “I didn’t mean to upset you, Amy; it won’t happen again.” 

Eleven mumbled something beneath his breath as he looked away again and folded his arms across his chest with a sulky expression crossing his face.  Nine gave him a look that Amy couldn’t decipher, and though she wanted to question it and  _ understand,  _ she couldn’t; her wristwatch beeped with the alarm, and she sighed before she stood up.  

“I’ve got to go; I’m sorry…” She hated leaving.  She hated leaving  _ Matt _ .  She’d known him for so long, been through so much with him, and every time she said goodbye here, she felt as if she were failing him once again.  “Job interview… Sorry…” 

Eleven only turned his body to the side as his expression became sulkier, like a kid throwing a tantrum and not wanting to look at their parent.  Nine, however, looked interested. “Good luck with it; tell us about it next time you come by, okay?” 

Amy smiled at him as she moved around the table to hug Matt tightly.  She waited until he’d finally wrapped his arms around her, too, before she let go.  She would have given Chris a hug as well, but she knew better than to do so; he was still grieving his losses and didn’t want to be reminded of what he would never have again.  “I will. Definitely. Gotta run now, though. Bye.” 

She was gone, leaving Eleven to finally look at Nine with a saddened expression.  He couldn’t stand it when she left, Ninth knew; like himself, the younger didn’t have much left.  He reached out to ghost his fingertips along the younger’s cheek. “You have  _ something  _ left, at least.  You could have lost her, too…”

Eleven didn’t respond; he stood up, fidgeting with the bowtie he had fought tooth and nail to bring inside the hospital with him.  Nine followed, because even though they had their fights over who the real Doctor was, all they had inside this place was each other – otherwise, the loneliness in both of them would sink its claws deep into their shoulders and pull them down, down, until there was nothing left of them except an emotional mess spanning the size of an ocean. 

That was, unfortunately, the life of psychiatric hospital patients.

* * *

 

There were so many patients housed within these walls, yet it was almost impossible to find one who could hold intelligent conversation, or didn’t lash out as soon as they were approached.  It was difficult for a social butterfly like Eleven who could talk for hours, but he supposed that was why he had learnt to cling to Nine so much; he’d never felt so lonely until he’d been let loose into a room full of so many people he  _ wanted  _ to talk to but  _ couldn’t _ .  

That was most likely the reason he was up and on his feet with unbridled eagerness as his nurse and close friend, Rory Williams, approached him with a new patient at his side.  He threw his hands out and grabbed the newcomer’s hand in an unending handshake that was so vigorous, the new patient looked almost scared as his arm was thrown about all over the place.  

“Matt, you should sit back down and I’ll introduce you.” Rory’s hands were on Matt’s shoulder, pushing him away gently to put space between the two patients.  He was glad to see his friend was looking so happy for once, so he didn’t hesitate to gesture towards the patient behind him and say, “This is David. He’s our newest patient, and since you’re obviously our friendliest, I thought it would be nice if he could stay with you and Chris until he settles in.” 

Eleventh was back on his feet, his smile so wide, it almost left his face as he went back to shaking the other’s hand, this time swinging David’s arm up and down like a roller coaster track.  “Of  _ course  _ it’s fine!  Come sit with us and we’ll tell you about ourselves!” 

Rory was almost knocked from his feet as David was pulled so hard towards the couch Matt and Chris were relaxing on, David tripped and stumbled for the rest of the short journey.  

“Oh, right, I forgot!”

David cringed as Matt turned back to him and took him by the shoulders before leaning in close and kissing the air either side of his cheeks, like some sort of Italian greeting he didn’t have a proper grasp on.  For the first time since he’d been taken into the hospital days ago, he spoke. “What are you doing…?”

“Greeting.” Eleven’s smile never vanished.  “It’s what humans do, right?” 

“What?” David cocked his eyebrow in disbelief.

“Humans!” The Doctor continued.  “I’m a Timelord, you see? I don’t know much about the whole human situation; I’m still learning.” 

David’s mouth fell agape, but before he could say anything, Chris called out from the couch behind them.  “He really isn’t because  _ I  _ am.   _ I’m  _ the Doctor.” 

Eleven stomped his foot on the ground as he turned around and childishly argued, “No,  _ I  _ am!  You’re a  _ human _ .”

“I’m the  _ Ninth  _ Doctor,” the older male argued.  

“And I’m the Eleventh, but that doesn’t make you a Timelord!” 

From where he was watching the argument, David foolishly asked, “So where’s the Tenth?” 

The two stopped arguing at that.  Eleven’s mouth formed an o shape while Nine’s expression took on one of realization.  They looked at each other for several seconds before they turned back to David, and in perfect sync that was almost eerie, they pointed at him and said, “ _ You  _ are.”

“Huh…?  I’m not a – hey!” He’d tried to protest against the whole thing, but before he could do so, a large hand had tightened around his wrist and he’d been dragged onto the couch with so much force, he fell into Chris’ lap.  He bit his lip as he tried to gather his wits. 

Before he could do so, Matt had latched onto his back and engulfed him into a tight hug.  “You’re just an ordinary human, but that’s okay because we already like you enough to be our missing Tenth!” 

David was grateful when Chris pushed him from his lap and onto the couch.  He frowned; they both were so strange, but at least _ one _ of them seemed completely harmless.  He grabbed his wrist and held it as he murmured, “So…  Where are the other eight?” 

“Oh, they’re long gone from here.” Eleven waved a dismissive hand.  “Still waiting for my turn, for when they let me go back to my TARDIS.”

“What’s a TARDIS?” David took notice of Chris’ eyes fixed on the way he was holding his wrist.  He cleared his throat uncomfortably as Matt rambled on about something to do with time and space dimension and pulled his wrist further onto his lap.

Eleven noticed it, too, because he broke away mid-sentence from talking about a police box to suddenly reaching towards the newcomer’s wrist and asking, “Did you hurt your wrist?  We can fix that for you at the infirmary and –“ 

Eleven looked up again with confusion on his face as Nine reached out to snatch his hand away from the other’s wrist.  Nine shook his head. “Don’t.” 

It was such a simple order, but Eleven didn’t understand.  “Why? If he’s hurt his wrist, then he needs medication attention and we –“ 

He was cut off by David getting to his feet and walking away from them.  He called after his new friend, and though he stood up to follow and ask what was wrong, Nine stopped him.  “Don’t grab his wrists again. Didn’t you notice?” 

“Notice what?” Eleventh’s eyes flickered between Nine and the retreating back of David.  “I didn’t notice anything except him holding it like it was in pain.” 

“The cuts along his wrist.  I saw some when his sleeve rode up.  Didn’t you see him tugging his sleeves back down quickly?  He’s probably here for suicide attempts.” 

“Ohh…” Eleven looked down at his lap.  “I didn’t… I didn’t  _ know _ …”

Ninth nodded.  “Don’t bring his wrists up in front of him again.”

“Yeah…” The younger wore such a puzzled expression on his face, the Ninth Doctor was sure he’d curl up on the couch and ponder for a few hours – but instead, Eleven had jumped to his feet and gone running through the room, yelling,” Oi!  Ten! Why are you trying to kill yourself?!” 

The Ninth slapped his face in disbelief; the imposter Doctor always meant well, but he was so incredibly socially awkward, sometimes it was best not to tell him anything or things like this happened.  He stayed put; he couldn’t always be the one to bail the younger out whenever he messed up.

The Doctor caught up to David quickly.  He stopped the older male by grabbing the back of his jacket, and though David didn’t turn around to face him, he held tight as he murmured, “Why would you want to kill yourself…?  You have so much to live for…” 

David’s hands clenched, but he said nothing.  He stayed where he was until Matt had let go, and slowly he turned around to see the younger.  He closed his eyes. “You don’t need to know my problems; people always leave when they realise how much work I am.” 

The Doctor shook his head.  He smiled and held on to his new friend’s sleeve in what he only intended to be a comforting gesture but made David shudder with the proximity.  “People leave me, too – that’s why you’re stuck with me, now. Come on; we can go play Scrabble!” 

It was going to be commonplace to be dragged through the hospital by some limb of his body, David was quickly learning.  He made a mental note to learn the other’s eccentric behavior and the signs so he could act accordingly, but other than the younger being too touchy-feely, David was finding himself enjoying Matt’s eccentrics.  It had been hard to find someone who reminded him of how he himself had once been, and for reasons he was sure he may never understand, he was comfortable with Matt. Something told him that the other was harmless, and that was what he needed in his life.  

 

* * *

 

While sleep never had come easily for David, he couldn’t say he’d ever been woken from sleep by the feeling of someone watching him.  His eyes opened slowly as he tried to gather his senses, but from the low light of setting sun, he still made out the figure of someone sitting on the end of his bed.  He jumped and tugged the blankets higher around him.

“Hey, hey, don’t be scared!  It’s just me!” 

David sighed as he recognized Matt’s voice.  “What are you  _ doing  _ in here?  I’m trying to sleep!” 

“I just thought you might like some company is all,” The Doctor said matter-of-factly.  “I used to have a friend with depression and they had trouble sleeping so I thought you’d be the same and you might want me to stay with you while you fall asleep.”

“I  _ was  _ asleep!” 

“Oh, really?” The Doctor put his finger to his lips as his face took on a puzzled expression in the darkness.  “I wasn’t sure; you weren’t moving so I figured you might still be awake.” 

“How does that even make sense?” David sighed.  He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes, expecting to hear the other get up and leave to go back to his own room – but instead, all he heard was… nothing.  He opened his eyes again and found the shape of the other still there. “Aren’t you going?”

“Going where?” 

“To bed.” 

“Why would I go to bed?” 

David groaned.  “To sleep.”

“But I’m not tired.” 

“I am.” 

“I know.  That’s why I’m here.  It’s not even eight yet and already you’re trying to sleep.” 

“Because I’m tired.” 

“I know.” 

This conversation was getting nowhere, and David didn’t know what to handle it.  The people in his life usually knew when to stay with him and leave him alone, but Matt… had no idea.  “I think you should go back to your room now…”

“Why?” 

He wasn’t getting it.  He  _ really  _ wasn’t getting it, and David knew the only way the other was going to understand was if he got rude.  But he wasn’t a rude person. He didn’t want to be rude to someone who only wanted to help. 

But he also wanted to sleep… 

He’d opened his mouth, wincing as he knew feelings might get hurt here, but to his immediate relief, the bedroom door opened; with a bit of luck, whoever it was would tell Matt to go away and leave him alone.  

“What are you doing in there, Matt?” 

David let out a sigh of relief at Rory’s voice; if the nurse was here, he’d most likely send Matt away.  “…”

“Leave David alone; he wants to sleep.  You can see him again tomorrow, alright?” Rory was so gentle, David felt bad for even considering having to get rude with the other; Matt was a kind, caring person; he just didn’t seem to understand socializing very well.  “Go on. Go find Chris if you want to be with someone; he was helping Martha reorganize her office.”

David tried not to listen to how joyful Matt was as he obeyed; the other was so happy-go-lucky, and it made him remember just how depressed he was in his own life.  He’d give anything to be as cheerful as the younger was, but unfortunately, life had chosen him to fuck over again and again until he’d almost forgotten how to even smile.

“Sorry about him.” 

He was snapped out of his thoughts before he could get very far in them.  Rory was approaching, with a tiny plastic cup with pills inside for him to take.  He sat up, not having the mental energy to argue over taking the medicine. “He’s fine…”

Rory passed over the cup and a glass of water.  He stood by the bed as he murmured, “He’s pretty high on the autism spectrum; he doesn’t realise when he’s being a pest.  You’ve got to be pretty direct with him for him to understand.” 

David nodded.  “It’s alright… I just didn’t want to hurt his feelings telling him to leave.” 

“Oh, you won’t hurt them; he’ll understand; he knows he’s being annoying if someone tells him to go away.” 

David swallowed the pills and then handed the glass and cup back to the nurse.  “He won’t come back in again, will he? I was already asleep when he got here…” 

“No, I’ll talk to him and make sure he understands,” Rory promised.  “Goodnight.”

“Night…” 

And with that, David fell back into a deep sleep, one disturbed constantly by nightmares.   


	2. Chapter 2

“Good~ morning~” 

David yelped as something heavy landed on the mattress next to him.  He sprang to attention, ready to flee if needed, but when he was faced with Matt’s grinning face, he relaxed.  The younger wasn’t exactly welcome here at… at whatever hour it was as the sun was still rising, but he wasn’t completely  _ un _ welcome, either.  

“Aren’t you tired?” David wiped the sleep from his eyes.  “What time is it?” 

“Five-o-four on a Tuesday morning, March Twent –“

“Alright, alright…” David sighed.  “It’s too early for this…” 

The Doctor hummed softly as he laid on his side to observe his new friend.  His smile never faltered. “It is a perfectly acceptable time for socializing, Ten.”

“Then go socialize with your other friend and let me sleep more…” David laid back down and pulled his blankets over his head.

“I cannot; if I put my toe anywhere  _ near  _ his bedroom a minute before seven, he yells at me.” The Doctor was unperturbed by his own words.  “You know, they’ll feed us early if we go and ask. We can go and have fish custard and –“

“Please stop talking.” David lowered the blankets to frown at the other male.  “I’m  _ very  _ tired; I would like to go back to sleep.” 

“Then sleep away!” Again, The Doctor’s smile never vanished, but he also remained where he was, too.  “Don’t let  _ me  _ keep you up~” 

They stared at each other for three minutes and forty-eight seconds.  The Doctor knew because he counted. “Why aren’t you sleeping? You said you’re tired, Ten.” 

“I thought you were going to go back to your room,” the older male pointed out slowly.

“No, because I – oh…” Astonishment crossed The Doctor’s face now as he realized the problem.  He jerked his thumb in the direction of his room. “You want me to leave you alone.”

David nodded.

“Go back to my room and leave you alone.”

Another nod. 

“Because you want… alone time.”

A final nod.  And then vigorous shaking of a head as David’s eyes widened.  “No! Not for that! I just want to  _ sleep _ !” 

Eleven waved his hand dismissively.  “Pfft. You don’t have to lie to me, Ten!  Everyone does it! It’s nothing to be ashamed about, you know?  I did it this morning before I came here.”

Again, David retreated under the covers.  He groaned loudly. “If I let you stay there, will you stop talking?”

“Yes, but I thought you wanted to be alone when you do that.” The Doctor hummed again.  “It’s okay; I’ll stay here, but I won’t look.” 

The room fell silent.  David was grateful that the other was being so quiet, it was almost like he weren’t there at all.  He had almost managed to drift off to sleep once more before he gave an uncomfortable whimper and wriggled in the arms that had just pulled him against a warm body. 

“What are you doing?” He felt as if he’d frozen up; it’d been so long since someone had held him like this, he just wanted to be left alone.

“I’m hugging you,” The Doctor pointed out.  “To help you relax. I can tell you’re very on edge, Ten.”

David gave up on fighting the embrace.  He laid still, and though he couldn’t relax, he still closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep before the question that had been plaguing him all of yesterday crossed his mind once more.  He turned his head to try and look at Matt. “Why do you call me Ten?” 

“Because you are,” came the soft reply.  “There’s never been a Tenth Doctor until you came along.”

“Then why are you the eleventh?” 

“Because I like that number better; it’s cool, like bowties.” 

“Bowties aren’t cool,” the older male muttered, though there was still that gentle hint of amusement in his voice.  “They’re silly.” 

“I don’t care what people think about them and that’s what makes them so cool.” Eleven pulled his new friend closer.  “Now if you’re so tired, go to sleep. I can be quiet.” 

Under normal circumstances, David would have pulled himself as far away from the other as he possibly could, but there was something about Matt’s warm embrace that helped him feel safe enough to stay where he was.  

His eyes had long-since closed again, but just when he could feel himself on the edge of oblivion, he was brought back to reality by the soft knock on his door.  He groaned in frustration and lifted his head from the pillow to look at his wristwatch in the now-brighter light and see that the hands were pointing to seven am; had he really been dozing off for so long…?  

He rolled over to see what Matt was doing, because as promised, the younger hadn’t made a single noise to snap him from his sleep again.  

“Matt…?” From what he could see, Matt had busied himself with a book from his bedside table.  

Eleven’s eyes moved to meet David’s now, and there was a strange hint of pain in them as he regarded the older male.  He lowered the reading glasses he also had borrowed as he murmured, “I don’t like that name; only Amy can call me that.  I’m the Eleventh Doctor, remember?” 

David nodded.  “Sorry; I forgot.  … _ Doctor,  _ are we supposed to be up now?” 

“Yes, they start waking us up at seven, but breakfast isn’t until seven-thirty.  I’m already ready for my day, but I’ll wait for you to get started, too.” With that, he turned back to the book, leaving David to get off the bed and finally unpack his awaiting suitcase.  

It didn’t take long to get dressed and brush his teeth in the tiny, adjoining bathroom, and throughout it all, The Doctor waited patiently for him.  He lead the way throughout the winding halls, talking David’s ear off about anything and everything as they went, just glad that, unlike that  _ other  _ ‘Doctor’, Ten didn’t give him tired, annoyed looks and then raise his fingers to his lips to shush him; instead, Ten listened to everything he had to say, even if he didn’t exactly respond back.

The youngest Doctor didn’t mind, though; he was just glad someone was listening to him for once. 

“And so Amy…” He continued rambling on as he took a seat at the table next to Ninth, patting the other’s shoulder in greeting as he gushed about the time Amy had fallen down the stairs and broken her leg years back.  He leant into his fellow Doctor’s touch as the other returned the gesture, but his eyes never left Ten’s. 

David couldn’t deny that it was nice to have someone who wanted to be around him so much, but it bothered him to think about how long it would be before Matt were to get sick of him and leave, just like everyone else.

…Well, that wasn’t  _ entirely  _ true, he supposed.  He still had his closest friend, but she had been the one to have him institutionalized.  He knew she had been right in doing so (he’d probably have done the same thing had he caught someone he cared for in the process of swallowing pills and bleach together and then having to sit through watching their stomach be pumped).  But still, it didn’t bring him any comfort, and though he knew it was wrong to resent her for her actions in saving his life and keeping him safe, he couldn’t help but feel betrayed and abandoned. 

_ But she’s put up with you for a  _ long  _ time…  _

He cringed at that voice inside his head, the one that sounded just like him but only ever hurt him.  He kept his eyes squeezed shut tight, hoping that if he tried hard enough, it would go away. 

_ She should have done it sooner; be rid of you finally…  Now she can stop being dragged down and move on with her life. _

“Ten?” 

David cracked his eyelid open as he felt a warm hand touch his arm.  He frowned at Matt, hating to see the look of concern in his eyes; all too often he’d seen it in  _ hers _ …  Because of  _ him…  _

“Are you alright?” Ninth leant across the table now, his eyes softer than Ten had yet to see them.  “You want me to get someone for you?” 

David shook his head.  He cleared his throat and hunched over the table, hoping no one else had seen him so weak.  “I’m fine…” 

Eleven gave the other Doctor a worried glance, and though he opened his mouth to ask Nine what to do, he didn’t get a chance to speak as one of the nurses had approached and touched the small of David’s back to get his attention.  

They whispered to each other, and as hard as the two Doctors tried to listen in, they couldn’t make out much.  They waited until the nurse had left before Eleven moved his chair closer to Ten’s and leant across to hug the older male tight.  

David tensed in the younger’s arms.  “Matt… Stop that…” 

“Eleven.  And no. You need a hug.” Eleven only moved closer in defiance.  

Nine chewed at the end of his spoon for a few seconds as his eyes regarded Ten with interest.  “You overthink, too?” 

David nodded.  “Yep… Too much…” 

“I hear you…” The oldest of the trio gave a sympathetic look.  He gestured to their friend and muttered, “He used, too. Have things he didn’t want to remember in his mind all the time.  Then it all twisted into delusions he can’t shake. He’s a lot better now, but… still a bit messed up.” 

David frowned at the youngest, watching the way Matt nestled up against him like a baby animal, his thin arms wrapped around one of his own as he rested his head against David’s shoulder.  “…”

The Ninth Doctor’s hands clenched so hard, his knuckles turned white.  His tone was hard as his eyes narrowed. “Then you have me… who brought themselves here or else I would have gone even crazier…  The nightmares are the worst… They never stop…” 

It made David feel terrible inside, though he knew the other was only trying to help.  These two had had things happen to them, and while he was no stranger to a messed up life as well, he didn’t think he’d suffered enough to warrant a pity story about himself.  No; he was just naturally inclined to his brain chemicals being so far out of whack, even medication and therapy didn’t stop him from wanting to kill himself.

“I’m sorry…” David looked away.  “I’m sorry you’ve –“

“- _ Don’t  _ be sorry.” He had pissed the other off, David was convinced, because Chris sure hadn’t looked ready to murder an entire town just five seconds ago.  “Life happens… We get it… We don’t need your pity…” 

David sighed.  He picked up his spoon and fumbled with it before he nudged Matt gently and asked, “Are you going to go get some food?  Come on; let’s go get breakfast.” 

Eleven looked up from where he’d been chewing mindlessly at his friend’s overcoat.  He gave a smile, and it was hard for David to tell if the other had been overthinking because the other’s appearance oozed his usual bubbliness.  “Fish custard?” 

David raised his eyebrow.  “What’s fish custard?”

“Ask for it for breakfast and you’ll find out!” He was gone in the blink of an eye, snatching up his bowl as he jumped away from the table and hurried to join the queue waiting to be served.

David looked back to Chris.  “What’s fish custard?”

Ninth’s nose crinkled in distaste.  “Whatever you do,  _ don’t  _ let him talk you into getting it.  You’ll regret it.”

The look of pure disgust on Chris’ face was enough of a warning for David to, under no circumstances, find out for himself what this ‘fish custard’ was all about.  He, too, took his bowl and followed Matt’s footsteps, leaving Chris back at the table to enjoy his own meal. 

“Fish custard?”  When Matt turned around after getting his bowl back from the kitchen staff, he showed David the contents.

“Oh, my god…” David covered his mouth with his hand as his eyes widened in horror, trying to understand how someone even  _ thought  _ to try the combination of fish fingers and custard.  He shook his head quickly. “No, thanks; I’ll… get something else.” 

“It’s good.” Eleven smiled brightly as he hugged his bowl close to his chest.  “I’ll save you some in case you want to try later.” 

When David took his turn at being served, he was given a sympathetic look by the woman.  He nodded in resignation and jerked his thumb over his shoulder in Matt’s general direction.  “I have to sit with that, you know?” 

 

* * *

 

Despite the massive crowds of patients around the facility, it was easy enough to keep to their own, David was learning.  They were able to sit in a corner by themselves in the activities room, playing card games together until they’d decided to venture outside for some fresh air.  

“Fresh air is great,” Matt had told David joyfully as he walked with a skip in his step.  “Fresh air is amazing because it’s like a second chance.”

David hadn’t understood, but he didn’t question it.  He followed along quietly until the three of them were on a park bench, Chris reading a book he had brought out with them, and Matt pointing out every bird he could see and giving a serious run down on it that was always so incredibly detailed, David wondered if the other had been a bird expert in another life.  

“You see, most male Aves are more colourful than their female counterparts, but there are still some Aves that are just as colourful, if not more so, than the males.” Matt looked so excited to share his knowledge, David didn’t have it in him to say he already knew what the other was wanting to tell him; he just nodded and smiled as he listened politely.  “You’ll notice it with –“

David, who had been genuinely interested in what his friend had say, was so focused on Matt, he was startled by the screaming from way behind them.  He turned around to see what was happening, and though he couldn’t see anyone in immediate danger, there was still a woman, closer to the building than they were, who was screaming at the top of her lungs for no apparent reason.  He turned back to Matt. “We should help h –“

He noticed now the way Matt had moved closer to Chris, so close that their sides were squished together as Matt held him tight with a hardened expression on his face that didn’t suit the gentle male’s features.  “…”

Eleven turned back to his newest friend, and with one finger on his lips, he signaled for Ten to stay quiet.  He then turned back to the oldest of the trio and murmured, “It’s okay; you’re not  _ there  _ anymore…” 

It was the first time David had noticed the scar on Chris’ clavicle now that his shirt had ridden downwards enough to reveal it.  It was jagged, like someone had taken a serrated blade and shoved it into the man’s chest and twisted it all around.

Judging by the man’s suddenly furious expression, he probably was on the right track.  

“See?” Eleven pointed behind them at the staff members who had come out to escort the screaming woman back inside.  “She’s going to stop screaming any second now. You’re safe.” 

Chris didn’t seem to be hearing the youngest, David realized, because his angry expression only seemed to twist further and further into irritability until he was shaking so much, David feared he was going into a seizure.

“Is he –“

“Shh…” Eleven gave Ten a serious look now.  In his quietest tone, he murmured, “Go get a nurse; he’s in a flashback.” 

David did as instructed.  He’d rushed around and found a nurse as fast as he could, and once he’d explained the situation, they hurried outside to tend to their patient, leaving him to walk back to give him time to gather his thoughts.

He didn’t even get outside before he found Matt again, the younger looking so distressed, it was painful to see such a bubbly person looking as if they were fighting against tears.  

He reached out to touch the younger’s shoulder.  “How is he? Are the nurses looking after him?” 

Eleven nodded.  “Yes. They took him to his room so he’s somewhere quiet.  They’ll help him calm down…”

“What about you?  Are  _ you  _ okay?” David allowed his eyes to soften at the way conflict crossed Matt’s face now.  

The Doctor nodded.  He looked to his feet for a brief second before he forced a smile onto his face and murmured, “Of course.  I’m always okay.” 

“You look as if you’re about to cry.” 

“Empath,” he explained softly.  “Sometimes this place can get  _ very  _ exhausting with the amount of emotions that run through it…” 

They were walking back to David’s room now, back where they could relax and try to get today’s events from their minds.  Their conversations were minimal until they’d shut the door behind them and relaxed on the bed, David with his back against the wall and Matt curled up beneath the soft blankets as he caressed the material thoughtfully.

“Yours are so light…”

“Huh?” David looked to the sheets, and then back to his friend.  “Aren’t yours the same?”

“No.  They give me heavy blankets.  I have autism so my sensory is different to yours.  I can’t feel the weight of your blankets on me. I don’t like it.” 

David chuckled.  He slipped his hands into the pockets of his overcoat so he could look out of the window, wondering if it were going to rain today at all; the skies were looking a little grey, and some rain would be nice…  

He looked back to the bed when he heard Matt kick the blankets off him in a fuss so he could sit up.  “What’s wrong?”

“I want  _ my  _ blankets.  Yours are making me feel weird.  It’s horrible.” 

David nodded.  He watched the younger get up to leave the room, but as he had done so, his shirt had slipped upwards from his tossing and turning under the blankets, and David’s eyes widened at the huge field of scarring and burns against the other’s side.  He swallowed thickly; what on earth could have caused such a massive amount of wounds? Were they all over his body? How bad was it all? 

He couldn’t ponder for long though because Matt had quickly returned, with just one blanket in his arms that looked big enough to warm a platoon of soldiers in the winter.  He said nothing as the younger made himself comfortable on the bed once again, smiling as he curled himself up into a cocoon in the nippy room.

“Those marks on your hip…” David was careful now; if the other were anything like him, Matt might not even want the other to know they existed, let alone ask about himself.  “…How did you get them?” 

Eleven looked down at his side.  He pulled his shirt up to see his flame-licked hip and the surrounding scarring.  Still his bubbly self, he responded. “I don’t know. I remember the day but I don’t remember anything about how I could have got them.  I just remember that Amy left me home alone while she went to get my medication from the chemist for me, and there were was a Weeping Angel upstairs in her bedroom.  I don’t know how it got there, but I didn’t want it to get Amy. I didn’t… want it to take her away from me… I just remember I started getting scared. I don’t remember anything between that and being in the ambulance with those wounds.  Amy said I was setting the house on fire when she and Rory got home – that when Rory tackled me away from whatever it was I was doing, the house went alight.” 

David nodded.  He didn’t realise he’d moved his hand to grip at his wrist again, holding it tight as he pondered the younger’s response.  Matt did, though. 

“Why do you cut yourself?” He looked and sounded so much like an innocent child in this moment, David couldn’t even be mad at the other for being curious.  “Is it to kill yourself?”

“No…” 

“Then why?” The Doctor frowned.  “I don’t understand why people do that to themselves.”

David sighed.  “I don’t know how to explain it; it just…  It helps me focus. Keep my mind on one constant thing rather than on a million ever-changing thoughts every second.” 

“The other Doctor almost did that to himself.  That was why he came here – because he was worried he was going to try and kill himself, and he didn’t want to.  He didn’t want to die, but he couldn’t stand the memories any longer.”

“What happened to him?”

“It isn’t my thing to talk about, but he has bad post-traumatic stress disorder.  It’s why he gets so angry sometimes.” 

A comfortable silence fell between them for a short while until David broke it again.  “Was she mad?”

“Who?  At what?”

“Your friend.  About the house.” 

The Doctor waved a dismissive hand. “She kept yelling at me until I told her how I rescued her from the angel.  I think she was very grateful; she stopped yelling at me and pulled Rory away to talk to him about something. I don’t know what about, but I like to think they were talking about how awesome a Doctor I am to have saved them.” 

David flinched.  They probably  _ had  _ been talking about the ‘angel’, but not in the sense Matt was thinking about; they were probably discussing just how far gone their friend really was and where the best place to hospitalize him was.  

“Yeah,” David murmured in faux agreement.  “They must have been very proud of you.” 

Eleventh straightened his bowtie as a prideful smile crossed his face. “Well, you know, I do pretty good at helping people.  Now, will you come and cuddle with me for a bit? I’m still cold, and no one’s cuddled with me since I’ve been here. I’ve been a bit lonely.” 

David couldn’t help but give a warm smile.  While he wasn’t exactly one for physical contact, he couldn’t deny that a hug sounded nice right about now.  If he were still at his home, he would have called Donna and asked for her comfort, but she… 

“You know, you’ve got to be the most touchy-feely person I’ve ever met,” David remarked as he slid down the bed to curl in behind Matt.  The younger threw his thick blanket over them both before he lay on his side to curl in against the other’s chest, his head tucked safely beneath Ten’s chin as his fingers curled into the other’s shirt to hold on tight.  

“I love being physically close to people.” He shuffled closer until he was engulfed by the other’s warmth.  “It makes me feel safe and keeps me grounded. It’s very hard not feeling sensations the way I’m supposed to; it’s very draining.  Amy used to be my anchor when it got really bad, but I don’t have one anymore.” 

David nodded in understanding.  He threaded his fingers through the younger’s soft hair for a few seconds before he rested his chin in it instead.  “Did they tell you when you’ll be going home again?”

“No.  Not for a long time, they told me.  It’s okay, though; I love being with the Ninth and Tenth Doctors just as much as being with Amy and Rory, so it keeps me strong.” 

David smiled again.  He gave a soft sigh. “I’m going to nap.  You can stay here if you want to.” 

The Doctor cuddled even closer at the invitation.  “I will nap, too; I’m still drained from before.”

And with that, silence fell and soon enough, soft snores filled the air.  


	3. Chapter 3

It was beginning to be commonplace for David to wake up and find Matt in his bed in some form or another.  Usually he was contented with wrapping himself beneath his favourite blanket he would bring with him every time and watch as the sun rose.  Others, he would flick on the bedside lamp and read a book until David would wake. But then there were the times, like now, when he would lay beside David and cuddle in close, his own eyes closed as he breathed in his friend’s scent and allowed himself to doze off to the other’s comfort.  

Whenever he’d do it, though, their fronts would be pressed together and Matt’s head tucked beneath his chin as he lay in that state halfway between waking and sleeping.  This morning was different, because for the first time in a long time, David was spooning someone, with Matt’s back held tight against his front as the younger lay, fast asleep.

“Matt…?” David pulled away, not wanting the other to be uncomfortable once he would wake.  “Matt, wake up…” 

Eleven’s eyes opened, but the aura about him lacked his usual bubbliness, and once he had sat up, Ten was horrified to see the emptiness his eyes conveyed today.  “Ten… I don’t want to get up; can we keep cuddling…?” 

David nodded.  He pulled Matt back into his arms, knowing to be concerned by this; he had come to know his friend well enough to understand that Matt worked by routine and wasn’t one to change it up  _ too  _ drastically.  His hot breath billowed over the younger’s ear as Matt turned around once more so they were spooning again.  “Are you okay?” 

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” The Doctor whispered.  “Bad dreams…” 

“You can talk about them if you need to,” David whispered back.  He moved his hand to comb his fingers through the younger’s hair.  “I don’t have good dreams, either. It’s okay.” 

Silence.  Uncomfortable silence that ate away at the both of their minds until The Doctor could finally whisper, “I’m scared they’ll never let me go home again…  I miss Amy and Rory… I want to go home…” 

David opened his mouth to speak again, but he closed it when the younger continued.  “…” 

“Sometimes I dream about when…  When Amy said I have to go away for a while…  Before she brought me here… I didn’t understand why, and I  _ still  _ don’t…  I dream about when we got here, how she stayed with me when they were showing me around because I couldn’t stop crying when she told me I was going to stay here for a little while without her and Rory…” 

“You just want to go home, don’t you…?” David could understand that so much, it physically hurt.  He knew exactly what it was like to try and stay happy and positive while inside he was falling apart, and while he had no doubts The Doctor  _ was  _ genuinely bubbly and it wasn’t an act, he was still sure there were times where even  _ he  _ had to compensate for the pain inside.  

“I want to go back to Amy’s…  She was the only home I’ve ever really had…” 

“I know…”  He did. More than he was comfortable to admit.  “I know…” 

The knock on the door that signalled wake up time sounded, and while the younger didn’t otherwise react to it, David smiled as he murmured, “We can get up and go have breakfast.  Fish custard, remember?”

The Doctor shook his head.  “No… I’m not hungry… I want to sleep here for a bit more.” 

David nodded.  He brushed some of the Eleventh’s stubborn curls out of his face before he sat up and made sure to tuck the other in tight beneath his blanket.  “I’ll come back and check on you after I’ve eaten.” 

It felt strange to wander the corridors on his own after a month of having the two Doctors by his side constantly, and he found he didn’t like it; he felt naked without the others, and while the Ninth seemed happy to take advantage of finally having some alone time to himself without the Eleventh shadowing him everywhere, David was finding he couldn’t really bare without the younger.  

“Is Eleven okay?” 

David gave a stiff nod to the Ninth Doctor as he sat across from the older male.  “He’s having a sleep in. Said he was having bad dreams all night.” 

“Ahh…  He’ll be okay once he gets some sleep.” Nine took a bite out of his toast and swallowed before he continued.  “He doesn’t do well when his sleep gets messed up. He’ll be back to himself pretty quick.” 

Again, David nodded.  He stared down at his porridge tiredly, not really sure if he were in the mood to eat, before he sighed.  “Hey, Doctor? When do people usually get out of here?” 

“Depends on the person.  Some within days, others months or years, and some people… never get out.” The Doctor gave him a concerned look at this question.  “Why? You want to go home? It’s understandable if you do.” 

“No, I was thinking about Eleven.  How long has he been here for?” 

“He was here before me.  I think he’s been here about four years.  Maybe five.”

“And he isn’t getting any bet – huh?” David turned around as someone grabbed his shoulder.  He’d expected to find Matt behind him, but instead he came face-to-face with Rory. 

“Where’s Matt?” The nurse asked.  “Is he okay?” 

“The Doctor.” Came David’s firm response.  

Rory’s eyes widened for a split second before he forced a neutral expression back onto his face and gave a brief glance to Chris before he asked, “What’s your name?”

David’s mouth opened to reply, but he caught himelf as he realised he really did need to think about the question.  “…David. My name is David.” 

Rory chewed at the inside of his cheek before he said, “Can I talk to you about something in private?  You can bring your breakfast with you and eat it in my office.” 

David nodded.  He said bye to Chris as he grabbed his bowl and stood up, staying silent until he had followed Rory into his office a few minutes later.  

He sat at the desk and stirred his porridge absentmindedly as Rory moved to sit opposite him at the desk; whatever he was here for, he hoped it wouldn’t take long.  

“Someone should have told you sooner, David, but you shouldn’t get so close to Matt.” Rory sounded so serious, David was taken by surprise; Matt was supposed to be this man’s good friend, so why was the other warning against the patient?  “You’ve seen it in Chris. He wasn’t delusional until he got close to Matt. He has a history of sharing his delusions with people.”

“Folie a Deux…” David murmured.  “I know of that… But I am not affected by it.”

“You had trouble remembering your own name,” Rory pointed out.  

“No one calls me by my name anymore,” he explained.  “They call me Ten; it’s starting to stick with me. I also would like to point out that Folie a Deux traditionally does not work in the way you’re describing; I don’t understand how so many people would come to share the same problem when it’s usually seen between family members and spouses – people  _ close  _ with each other.” 

“We know that, David, but it’s true.” Rory sighed.  “We don’t know how he’s doing it, either. He just…  _ does _ .  But I think I know why.  Because everything Matt is running from is soothed by ‘The Doctor’.  Everyone else who shared it was running from something as well, some sort of deep hurt or trauma…”

“His name is  _ Eleven _ ,” David forced out a little rougher than he had intended.  “You know he hates Matt.” 

“He hates it because it reminds him of his failures,” Rory argued.  “He’d do well to have people stop feeding into his delusions and encouraging him with them.  He needs to come to terms with reality and move on from it.”

“Well, maybe he doesn’t  _ want  _ to face reality.  Did you think of that?  Maybe he’s  _ happier  _ living in his little bubble.  Because it doesn’t  _ hurt  _ him.  Maybe it’s  _ better  _ for him to be The Doctor rather than Matt.” 

“Did he ever tell you about the incident with the bus?” Rory’s tone became cold now.  “About  _ how  _ he became The Doctor?” 

“No, but he –“ 

“- People  _ died  _ because of him.  If he hadn’t…!” The sudden anger that had plastered itself on the nurse’s face now vanished as that same neutral expression was forced back on as a mask.  “…If he hadn’t ran out into the street, he’d… He broke both legs and his hips when the bus went over them. The stranger… who ran after him to stop him… died.  As did people on that bus and pedestrians and shoppers in the immediate area when the bus swerved into a shop to try and avoid him. It shattered his heart. It shattered it so badly, he had to block it all out and take on a completely new identity, one the complete opposite of what he caused.  Saving people instead of killing them. And from there, it turned into more than a coping mechanism; it became full-blown psychosis.”

David felt his mouth go dry and his hands clenched in distress.  His mind was running a mile a minute, and all he could respond with was, “Why are you telling  _ me  _ this…?  Aren’t you aware of  _ confidentiality?   _ I could report you for breaching –“

“-I’m not telling you as a nurse, a staff member, or anything of the sort.  I’m telling you that as Matt’s  _ friend _ .  People get hurt around Matt.  Not because he means to, but because, for some reason, everyone who gets close to him…  _ suffers _ .  And you would do well to ward yourself against that if you ever want to get out of here.” 

“Perhaps I’d rather stay here with him than go back out there where I have  _ nothing _ …” He murmured.  “You call yourself his friend, but I never see you with him.  Spending time with him and keeping him company. You’re supposed to be his friend but you’re letting him down.” 

Rory bit at his lip.  “I  _ care  _ about him, but after we housed him with us for so many years,  _ cared  _ for him and all his needs, it’s  _ draining _ .  I’ve warned you about him, but if you follow my advice…  Well, that’s up to you. I’ll see you soon for our in-room session.”  

David nodded.  He picked his bowl up as he stood to leave the office.  He didn’t go back to the dining hall; instead, he headed back to his own room and sat on the bed next to Matt, finding the other was still fast asleep.  

As he had been doing all morning, he stirred at his porridge, but he didn’t eat any of it; he eventually sighed and put it on the bedside table so he could slip beneath Matt’s blanket and lay with him, not closing his own eyes, but still trying to block out the earlier conversation.  He regarded The Doctor with exhausted eyes, taking note of how soft and  _ gentle  _ his every feature was, especially in sleep.  

There was no  _ way  _ the younger could hurt anyone.  David had seen it for himself, how his kindness knew no limits and had once been found untangling a spider trapped in dust, risking bites to go as far as to pull the dust from the bottoms of its many legs and then take it outside where it would be safe.  

The Doctor was completely harmless, David reminded himself as he slowly slipped into sleep himself.  So harmless that David was sure Rory had to be exaggerating the details, because for only the second time in his life, he’d found someone he felt safe and  _ happy  _ with.  

Even if it did turn out that Rory was correct, David wouldn’t care; life as a Doctor would be far better than his current mundane, depressed life any day.  

 

* * *

 

As the Ninth Doctor had promised, Eleven was back to himself after he’d woken and Ten had helped soothe his distress at his routine being broken.  He’d taken Ten’s hand tenderly as he finally decided he wanted to leave the room, and once he had gone back to his own to get dressed and ready for his day, he soon reemerged with his usual bright smile on his face as he announced that he wanted to read the newspaper. 

“Newspapers are very important,” he had said as he pulled Ten through the corridors in his search for newspaper.  “I like to read mine before bed but I need to change things up to get as much out of day as I can because I overslept.” 

“Where are you going to get a newspaper in here?” Come to think of it, David couldn’t remember ever seeing any newspapers around. 

The Doctor raised his hand to his mouth in realization at where they were, and he pointed to one of the rooms further down the hallway.  “This guy always has the paper. I’ll get it off him.” 

David couldn’t help but follow in some sort of twisted fascination as he watched the way The Doctor didn’t even bother to knock before opening the door and inviting himself in.  He was almost horrified at the way his friend was handling the situation – but then again, considering Eleven’s quirks, he really shouldn’t have been surprised.

“Hello~” The Doctor greeted cheerfully as he continued on his journey to the other person hidden behind the newspaper they were reading.  “Don’t mind me; just here to borrow your newspaper. I’ll bring it back when I’m finished with it. Thank you.” 

Finally, the newspaper dropped down, and a black-haired man with piercing eyes scowled at the two.  He said nothing, just remained sitting for several seconds before he threw the newspaper to the side when Matt had reached out to take it and stood up, grabbing a handful of the younger’s collar and bowtie in order to drag him from the room.  He grabbed David on the way in the same manner, dragging them to the door and throwing them past the threshold out into the corridor before he slammed the door shut behind them.

The Doctor was back to his feet in seconds, wiping imaginary dust off his pants as he laughed and said, “Moody fellow him.” 

“Do you do that often?” David took the hand that was extended to him to help him to his feet.  

“Oh, yes.  All the time.” The Doctor’s huge smile never faltered; instead, his eyes crinkled more from how happy he was.  “I get thrown out of a lot of places. When I lived with Amy and Rory, they got threw me out of their room so much, they had to put a lock on the door to stop me coming in when they were having sex.  Rory said it was creepy that I’d watch, but I never watched them; I was just waiting patiently for them to finish so I could ask them my questions.” 

“That’s not a good thing,” David pointed out.

“What, asking questions?” 

“No; walking in on people having sex and staying there.” 

“What’s wrong with that?  I wasn’t touching.”

“What’s  _ right  _ with it?  You were looking!” 

“I was looking but I wasn’t watching.  There’s a difference,” The Doctor pointed out.  

David drew his hand up to rub at his face in disbelief.  “There is no difference; people usually leave the room if they walk in on that happening.” 

“Have  _ you  _ ever walked in on someone?” 

David was taken aback by the question.  He wasn’t used to people questioning him about himself, much less for such personal topics.  He almost said he wasn’t going to get into it, but before he could, Matt bounced on his feet and raised his hand in the air as he continued.

“Has someone ever walked in on you, Ten?” 

“No,” David said firmly.  “Those are very personal –“

“- But you’ve had sex, right?” They were walking down the corridor again, and David couldn’t help but flinch at who might overhear the conversation.  “I’ve had it lots of times.”

David stopped walking now.  He looked to his feet, not knowing how to respond; while he had always been a rather private person when it came to such matters, there was still something about The Doctor that made him feel safe enough to divulge information only one other person knew about him.  “I have… But it wasn’t enjoyable.” 

The Doctor’s eyes widened, and he let out a startled gasp as he reached for Ten’s arm to hold it.  Despite the dramatic manner he was now acting in, David understood that he simply  _ cared _ .  “Have you been  _ raped,  _ Ten?!” 

“No!” David reached out to put his hand over the younger’s mouth and shush him.  “No, nothing like that. Okay? It just… It wasn’t enjoyable for me. But nobody’s raped me.” 

The Doctor visibly relaxed now.  “Why wasn’t it enjoyable for you?  It’s always been enjoyable for me.” 

David shrugged.  “I guess it had to do with the people I was with…  Wasn’t really attracted to them or something, I guess…” 

“I used to have that problem.” The Doctor had started walking again, watching as Ten chased him to catch up.  “Then Amy helped me realise I don’t actually like girls, and she helped me find a guy who’d be patient with me and help me see if I liked other men instead.  Maybe that’s what you need, Ten.” 

“I’ve already been with a guy…” David mumbled so quietly, he could barely hear himself.  It was something he had sworn only for Donna to know, but here he was, muttering away for reasons he still didn’t quite comprehend.  

“Hey?  I’m sorry; I didn’t catch that.” 

David gathered his courage before he forced out, a little louder and harder than he had intended, “I said I’ve already been with a guy!” 

The Doctor gave a grin.  “And you didn’t like that?” 

“No, I didn’t, actually,” David argued.  “I  _ didn’t  _ like it.  That’s why I never tried it again.” 

“What position were you in?” 

The older male’s eyes widened.  “Excuse me?”

“What position were you in?”

“I  _ hardly  _ see how that matters.” 

“Of  _ course  _ it matters, Ten!  If you didn’t like it because it hurt, then maybe you just don’t like being on the bottom!” The Doctor was waving his arms all over the place now, his usual dramatics shining through.  “You need to try it again! This time on the  _ top _ !”

“It’s not the position that mattered to me; it’s the  _ person _ .” 

“Then you need to try it again with the right person.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I don’t.”

“You do.”

“I don’t.”

The Doctor sighed, long and loud.  “Ten… I understand you probably didn’t get a good experience with a good guy, because if you were wearing those sandshoes when you –“

“-They’re  _ not  _ sandshoes!” 

“Yes.  They are.  And don’t interrupt me, please.   _ Maybe  _ if you put those sandshoes back in your room and wear your sneakers like you usually do,  _ maybe  _ someone decent would be interested in you.  But those sandshoes are awful, Ten; I don’t understand why you’re wearing them when we don’t have any –“

“-They  _ aren’t _ sandshoes!  And how did we get onto them, anyway?” David’s expression softened when The Doctor gave a loud laugh.  He finally smiled back, and a tiny laugh escaped his own lips. “I take it you don’t like my shoes?” 

Eleven’s arms were wrapped tight around him in the blink of an eye, faster than those ‘Weeping Angels’ he talked about so often.  His grin was so wide, it went ear to ear. “You laughed! I never get to hear you laugh, Ten. You should laugh more because I really like hearing it.  But I  _ don’t  _ like your sandshoes; they’re  _ horrible _ !”

“Do we need to go back to my room and get my sneakers?” He was being sarcastic, but The Doctor took him seriously.

“Yes!  We do! Because if I have to look at those sandshoes any longer, I’m going to be very, very disappointed in your style of clothing, Ten.  You had me the day we met with how you dress, but now I have to reconsider.” 

“So if I need a break from you, all I have to do is put these shoes back on and you’ll avoid me like the plague?”

“Yes.  But don’t do that.”  They’d turned around now to go back to David’s room.  

David couldn’t help but laugh again.  “What if I’ve decided to wear them for the rest of today?” 

“I don’t know; I haven’t thought that far ahead.  I just know I won’t be very happy and will suffer secondhand embarrassment on your behalf.  I’ll let you know when I decide what I’ll do, though.” 

Finally, for the first time since The Doctor had known him, Ten’s eyes glinted as genuine, hearty laughter escaped his lips.  He felt the other touch his arm before he’d leant in close, almost embracing the Timelord. “You really think these shoes are enough to stop me finding a mate?” 

“Oh, yes.  Definitely.  They’d stop me, for sure.” 

“Does that mean you’re interested?” It was a genuine question, one born from pure curiosity; he’d never considered The Doctor in that way, or if the other would ever be interested in him, but that was before he’d found out his friend liked other men.  

“Interested?”

“Interested in me.”

“Of course I’m interested in you, Ten; you are my very good friend.” 

“No, I mean as in… as in a  _ mate _ …”  It was a strange thing to be asking as David had never been the one to bring it up between any of his previous partners; it had always just been him going along with their wishes as he’d never had the energy to argue against it.  

“Ohh, right~” The Doctor grinned as he looked over his shoulder at Ten again.  His eyes travelled up and down the older male’s body for a few seconds before his grin widened and he exclaimed, “Never considered it!”

David wasn’t sure why those words rocked him.  From the direction the conversation was heading in, he realized now he’d been expecting a yes in response.  He couldn’t decipher his exact emotions, if he were disappointed or even  _ pleased  _ that he didn’t need to worry about being harassed for sex like he was accustomed to; all he knew was that The Doctor was speaking again.  “What was that?” 

“I asked if you  _ wanted  _ me to be your mate,” he replied.  

David shook his head.  “No, I… I was just curious.” 

The younger raised his hand to touch his chin in an almost self-conscious manner.  “It’s my chin, isn’t it?”

“Your chin is  _ fine, _ ” David promised.  “I just… I’m not very good at the whole… dating thing…” 

“With the way you frown all the time, I’m sure you would be!” The Doctor looked so happy, David couldn’t bring himself to scowl in hurt.  He reached out, poking at the corners of Ten’s lips and dragging them upwards to preview a smile. “There. You look so lovely when you smile, Ten.  You should try it more often.”

“I  _ do  _ smile – just…  Just not often…” David looked to the side as he shifted in uneasiness.

“You only smile at  _ me,  _ though.  I notice these things.  I’m autistic; you can’t hide much from me.” For the first time since David had known him, the younger was dead serious.  “I know life hurts, Ten. It can be so sucky at times. Everybody gets sad sometimes.”

David blinked.  “It’s not just sadness…  It’s emptiness… Exhaustion…”

“Numbness.  No desire or drive.  No will to live. I can understand.” The Doctor’s hand reached out to ghost his fingertips against the older male’s cheek, and he murmured, “It’s  _ because  _ I understand why I’m telling you to smile more.  At worst, you won’t feel any different. At best, the burden will lessen.” 

David closed his eyes as he leant into the touch.  “…”

“Did you smile at the people you were dating?”

“I used to.”

“Not anymore?”

“No.  Not since I learnt that they were going to leave me anyway.  I stopped trying to pretend I was happy with them.” 

“Ten…” The Doctor’s fingers threaded through David’s hair now.  He moved closer, so close that their chests were pressing together.  He murmured, so incredibly gently, Ten wasn’t sure if he’d ever felt so safe before.  “…Ten, if someone could leave you just because you won’t smile anymore,  _ they’re  _ the one with the problem, and it isn’t  _ you _ .  Me?  I’d stick with you through thick and thin just for that rare chance of seeing you smile again.” 

Signals were mixing so terribly, David didn’t know what to think.  Was The Doctor simply platonic in this moment? Or was he admitting that he might feel more for Ten than he wanted to admit?  What did he say? What did he  _ do?  _  “…” 

The Doctor pulled away, and he was back to his bubbly self.  “Now let’s go get your sneakers because I’m sick of dying from all this embarrassment every time I see those sandshoes in the corner of my eyes!” 

David sighed.  Sometimes The Doctor could be so difficult to deal with.   


	4. Chapter 4

“I found a guy who’ll let you be on top, Ten.  He’ll come to your room tonight at nine.”

David choked on his lasagna, and it was only with a hard thump on his back from Nine that it dislodged.  He caught his breath, and with eyes wet from lack of oxygen, he shook his head at Eleven. “No, no, no. Don’t do that.  Bad. No.” 

Eleven cocked his head to the side.  “Why not? I thought you wanted to try it out.” 

“Not with a  _ stranger _ !” David threaded his fingers through his hair in distress.  “I told you this; I can’t do well with people I’m not attracted to!” 

Eleven looked to Nine for translation.  “He means he can’t have one night stands or be with someone he doesn’t have feelings for.” 

“Ohh~” Eleven clicked his fingers in realization.  “That settles it, then. You can sleep with me and see how it feels.” 

“No. No. No.” David stood up to pace now.  

“What’s the problem?  I’m not a stranger, and you like me.” 

“No.  Eleven…” David sighed; how did he explain this in ways the younger would understand?  “…I can’t just  _ rush  _ into sex with someone and enjoy it.  I need…  _ time _ .”

“He needs to date first,” Nine clarified.  

“Then it’s settled.”

“What is?” David turned back to Nine.  “I hate when he does that. Don’t you hate when he does that?” 

“Well, we’re dating now.” Eleven gave a happy grin.  “Hello~” 

“Did you really just make me your boyfriend without asking me?” Ten raised his eyebrow.

“Yes.  Of course.” Eleven waved a dismissive hand.  “You would have said yes anyway had I asked, so I sped things up.”

“Would you really?” Nine laughed.  “I didn’t know you were into guys, too.”

“I’m not!” He dropped his face into his hands.  “I like… I like… the  _ person _ !  Not the gender.” 

“You must like me a lot then.  I see no reason why we can’t sleep together tonight.” 

Nine laughed loudly.  “Eager one, he is. Good luck putting up with him; he’s needy.” 

“No, I –“

“-You already smile for me.” His voice had dropped to a happy murmur.  “You’ve never smiled for anyone else here. That makes me special.” 

How did he deny that?  He certainly did hold The Doctor higher than the others here.  He groaned loudly when long arms wrapped around him and pulled him against a warm chest.  “I…”

“Now what do boyfriends do together?” 

While Nine was laughing his head off at it all, David was sighing inwardly.  He knew he wouldn’t object  _ completely  _ to this, but still…  It would have been nice to have his wishes taken into consideration.  

 

* * *

 

“I want to sleep in your room with you tonight.” 

Ten startled a little from The Doctor’s voice at the doorway.  His eyes snapped open as his body jerked. He pushed himself into a sitting position so he could look at the other before he wiped the sleep from his eyes.  “…”

“Did I wake you?” The Doctor cocked his head to the side.  “It’s only seven-thirty.” 

David mumbled something under his breath before he lay back down.  He closed his eyes again, trying to go back to sleep.

Eleven tentatively stepped forward, having memorized Ten’s behavior and knowing that the other never ignored him.  “Ten?”

He cracked open an eyelid for a brief second before it fell shut again, his exhaustion too much to overcome.  “…” 

Again, the tentative movements were made until The Doctor was standing by the bed, his hand in David’s hair as he stroked slowly.  “Ten?” 

He murmured nonsense again, but his eyes still didn’t open.  “…”

The Doctor stood, stroking his new boyfriend’s hair for several seconds as he tried to work out what to do.  His natural instinct was to drag the other from the bed and force him out of the room so they could share more adventures together – but the part of him that, while still not very familiar with social norms, knew he wasn’t supposed to wake people up, told him to leave Ten and let him rest.  He didn’t like it, though; it was so  _ early,  _ and he had grown accustomed to finishing his days off with Ten.  

He sighed sadly, and his fingers were removed from the chocolate locks.  “I’m going to go see Nine… I’ll come and check on you again shortly.” 

Ten was asleep again before he’d even finished his sentence, The Doctor knew.  He sighed again, reluctant to get up and leave, but remembering how long Amy had spent teaching him to leave people alone when they were tired.  He left the room and closed the door quietly behind him, wandering further down the corridor to get to Nine’s room. 

As expected, Nine was still awake, reading one of his many books as he sat beneath the window to listen to the soft pattering of the rain as the storm overhead grew more violent by the minute.  He looked up when he heard his door close again. “Fancy seeing you here. Was starting to think my nights have been freed up now that he’s here.” 

The Doctor shook his head.  He fumbled with his hands as an uncomfortable look crossed his face.  When he spoke, he sounded so much like a frightened child, it pulled at Nine’s heart.  “Is Ten mad at me for something…?”

Nine didn’t hesitate to extend his arm outward and invite the other to join him.  He waited until the younger had curled up against him, his head beneath the other’s chin as he rested his head on the imposter Doctor’s chest to listen to his soft heartbeat, before he asked, “Why would he be mad at you?” 

“He doesn’t like me…” A pout crossed Eleven’s face now, and he tried to get even closer to Nine for comfort.  “He’s mad at me because he doesn’t want to be boyfriends…” 

“That’s not true,” Nine promised.  “He  _ does  _ like you.  He likes you a lot.”

“He wouldn’t wake up…  He’s ignoring me…”

“He’s lonely.  It’s why he sleeps all the time.  He’s probably feeling even more lonely because he’s worried you’ll leave him.  Leave him be for tonight. Talk to him tomorrow. He might just be feeling very depressed.” 

The Doctor jumped as the first crack of thunder for the night roared through the sky.  He whimpered at the sound, amplified by his heightened sensitivity to noises, and slapped his hands over his ears to try and quieten it a bit.  Nine remained silent as he put his book down on the ground and reached over the younger to open his bedside drawers and grab a pair of earmuffs from them.  He passed them to his friend, and once he felt the slight body in his arms relax, he picked his book up again and found where he was up to. 

Neither of them said anything, comfortable exactly as they were, until Nine closed his book and pulled one of the younger’s earmuffs from his ear to say, “I’m going to bed.” 

Braving the thunder, Eleven slid the muffs from his ear and whispered, “Can I sleep in here with you…?” 

Nine knew it was the storm raging outside because, while not the most socially adept, The Doctor still understood that Nine was one of the many,  _ many  _ people who wasn’t willing to share a bed with him the way Ten did.  But, at the same time, Nine wasn’t cruel, and he could understand the young man being afraid if he were on his own.  “Go get your blanket. You can take my bed. I’ll sleep on the floor.” 

The Doctor looked down at the hardwood floor and frowned.  “You’ll be so uncomfortable… I don’t mind sharing a bed.” 

“ _ I  _ do,” he said firmly, yet gently.  “I’ll be fine. Quick. Go get your blanket before it thunders again.” 

Eleven scurried from the room, fixing his earmuffs as quickly as he could to block out the sound, before he returned just in time with his blanket in his arms to see his friend fixing a bed on the floor.  He felt so bad, wishing that the other would see that it was okay to share a bed with someone, but knowing not to bring it up as it would only make Nine angry. He was sure it had to do with Nine’s girlfriend and how he’d lost her, but he wasn’t going to ask; even  _ he  _ knew some questions were best left unasked.  


	5. Chapter 5

David had slept through the nurses trying to wake him the next morning, and he’d missed breakfast and slept all the way past lunch before he’d finally been shaken awake long enough to be told that he had a visitor.  

“Wha…?” He was still slurred, exhausted and about to fall back to sleep.  His eyes had closed once more, and he’d been drifting off again until he heard a familiar name that had him battling to open his eyes for good.  “Don…na…?” 

Rory put his hand on the older male’s back to keep him sitting.  “Yeah, she’s here to visit.”

David groaned.  “Help me out of bed…” 

Rory did as asked, but despite how thin his patient was, it was still no easy task coordinating all those lanky limbs out of bed and over to the tiny chair to sit him in it.  David continued wiping the sleep from his eyes, trying to wake himself up now that he wasn’t laying down anymore, and Rory murmured, “I can go get you a tea and some breakfast and have it ready for you in the visitation area.  Are you right to get yourself dressed?” 

“Yeah..  Just still… waking up…” He let out a yawn.  “Tell her I’ll be out soon… She’ll understand…” 

As promised, he did his best to get up and dressed, and somehow, what could possibly have been half-hour or even longer, he found himself stumbling through the corridors and eventually into the visitation room where he made a beeline for the redheaded woman waiting patiently for him at one of the tables.  He ignored all the other people in the room as he forced his attention solely onto Donna Noble, just glad to be seeing her again after so long.

“Took you long enough to get here.  What, did you fall down the drain in the shower?” She was loud, boisterous to a degree with the older male, but David knew better than to think she was annoyed with him; long gone were the days she was a rude, angry person because, though he knew neither of them would ever admit it, they’d fixed each other in ways they couldn’t bear to think about, not wanting to remember the person they had been before.  

His exhaustion was evident to Donna; she’d known him for so long, she would never miss the way he struggled to keep his eyes open, or the way his body would sway so lightly as he battled sleep, it was almost unnoticeable if one didn’t know to look for it.  But even so, she wasn’t the kind of person to coddle him and treat him like fragile china that would break if she were to handle him the wrong way; she’d seen so many people do it to him, good intentions in their actions yet causing more harm than good. “No, I’ve been sleeping, Donna.” 

“You know too much sleep is a bad thing, right?  What are you avoiding?”

He didn’t get a chance to respond, because before he could, the door was thrown open and his name was called happily from the other side of the room.  …Well,  _ one  _ of his names, anyway.  “Ten! Are you still mad at me?” 

Donna almost hadn’t taken any notice of him, expecting the newcomer to have been talking to someone else in the room, so it came as a huge surprise to see the young man stop behind David and swat his rear with the strength of an abuser – but the way his smile stretched to his ears at seeing David told her that he wasn’t here to hurt and probably just didn’t know what he was doing .  

She looked back to David.  “Who’s this?” 

“Hello, I’m called The Doctor.” As he always did with meeting a new person, he leant down to kiss the air either side of her cheeks.  He leant back, his eyes glinting with excitement as he gestured back to David. “I see you have already met my boyfriend.” 

Donna’s eyes widened, and she almost shrieked, “ _ Boyfriend?! _ ” 

“No.  Donna, we –“ whatever protest David had was failed as The Doctor cut him off. 

“-Yes, boyfriends as of yesterday, though I do believe Ten is mad at me over it.  When Rory told me he was finally out of bed, I came to find him and make sure he’s not mad at me anymore.” 

David frowned.  He murmured softly, “I was  _ never  _ mad at you.  What gave you that idea?” 

“You slept…  _ all day  _ yesterday.  All night… And even today you wouldn’t get out of bed…” The Doctor finally frowned.  “You were  _ avoiding  _ me…” 

Ten’s frown deepened as he moved to the edge of his seat so he could wrap his arm around the younger’s shoulders.  “I wasn’t avoiding you…” 

The display before her was something Donna had never seen come from David before.  He was always so closed off, distant physically and emotionally from everyone around him.  To see him acting so tenderly towards someone… Her voice softened, and she briefly wondered what the people who had once known her would think as she soothed, “He  _ always  _ does that.  It isn’t  _ you _ .  He does it to escape his own problems.  So don’t think he was avoiding you, because I can  _ promise  _ you he wasn’t.” 

It was as simple as that.  The hint of tension in The Doctor’s body vanished, and he relaxed fully against Ten’s side as he snuggled closer to his new boyfriend.  “I wish he’d told me that yesterday; I couldn’t sleep very well from the worry!” 

Ten’s hand moved to smooth soft brown curls on The Doctor’s head as he murmured, “You could have slept with me, you know?  You didn’t have to stay away…” 

The Doctor shook his head.  “No; Pond told me that. She said I’m not allowed to keep getting in bed with her and Rory through the night, so I assumed it went for everyone if I don’t ask first.” 

Ten shrugged.  “You get into bed with me in the mornings; nights aren’t going to be any different.” 

Donna’s eyes widened in surprise as she watched the young man climb into David’s lap and curl up against his front, his head beneath the older male’s chin as he relaxed so deeply, he could have melted into the other.  The surprise continued building at the way David held him in both arms, holding him close as he planted a soft, almost tender kiss on the younger’s forehead. “I’ve never seen you like that with someone…”

David shrugged.  “You know I was never happy with anyone I’ve dated…”

“But you’re happy with  _ him _ …” she whispered.

Ten looked down at The Doctor again with such a soft expression, he looked so much younger in a matter of seconds.  He then looked back to Donna and shrugged, lightly so as to not disturb his boyfriend. “Maybe… Happier than with the others, definitely.” 

A smirk crossed Donna’s face as she watched the way the newcomer took David’s tie into his mouth and chewed at the fabric in contentment.  Her eyes flickered up again to meet David’s look. “He reminds me of you and your oral fixation. Is there nothing you haven’t put into your mouth at one point?” 

“Probably not.” Ten adjusted himself to hold The Doctor closer.  “Besides; he’s worse than I am.” 

She sniggered.  “Hard to believe, that is.” 

“No, really.” Ten cocked his eyebrow up.  “I didn’t believe it was possible, either, until I met Eleven.” 

Donna’s eyes lit up, just glad to see her friend finally looking…  _ happy _ for once.  The exhaustion was gone from his face, and he seemed much more natural than he had in  _ years _ now that ‘The Doctor’ was on his lap.  It was clear to her already that the two needed each other, maybe not for the same reasons, but they were each a comfort to the other they probably couldn’t find anywhere else.  

“So.  Doctor.” Humouring the young man, Donna leant back into the chair and folded her arms against her chest.  “Do you get many visitors yourself? Or should I make it a point to start visiting the two of you  _ together _ ?” 

“Oh, Pond comes in and sees me when she can.” He waved a dismissive hand, and though he was trying so hard to make it look like it wasn’t a big deal to him, Donna saw through the act.  She immediately felt bad about asking the question; she should have considered it could strike home in ways he didn’t want to be reminded about. …But before she could apologise and change the topic, he continued.  “Clara comes in and sees me every now and then, too, but I haven’t seen her in a long time now…”

Donna watched his shoulders slump, and her heart broke at his whisper.  “…”

“Kind of like my parents…” He dropped Ten’s tie now and turned to look out of the window.  “Then again, it’s understandable; they’ve been dead since I was little…” 

Despite the way she saw David wrap his arms so incredibly tightly around the other to give him comfort, she still stood up to come to their sides and kneel next to them as she put her hand on ‘The Doctor’s’ knee.  “Hey… I…”

“My parents didn’t even  _ want  _ me.” Ten’s eyes darkened now as he recalled some of his most hated memories.  “Even all the foster families I bounced around didn’t want me… In the end, I just started running away before they could get rid of me first.  Trust me on this; you aren’t the only one whose parents will never visit…” 

The words made Eleven feel a little lighter, and he took the other’s tie into his hand again as he went back to chewing lightly at the fabric, reveling in the different tastes he could get from it.  

Donna went back to her seat now.  She made sure to steer the conversation away from anything that could hurt the two of them.  “Anyway, David; I’m going to be out of town for a few weeks again, so it might not be a while until my next visit.” 

Eleven allowed his eyes to flutter closed as he focused on the conversation above him now.  He  _ was  _ tired, and it  _ was  _ time for him to take his daily nap, so why not take it here, where he felt so incredibly safe, like nothing could ever hurt him?  He was barely conscious of the words slowly fading from his mind and the tie slipping from his mouth because, for the first time in his life, he’d found someone he trusted impeccably.   

 

* * *

 

“This is the latest you’ve stayed up since you’ve been here.” 

Ten looked to his side from where he’d been eating his dinner in his room.  Of course Eleven had stayed with him, his ridiculously big blanket and a book or two having mysteriously found their way into his room earlier that day, as if The Doctor had already made up his mind about spending the night with him.  He hadn’t realized just how hungry he really was until he had foolishly opted to skip dinner in favour of trying to take a nap that had never came. 

“Well, I’m hungry,” he pointed out matter-of-factly.  

“Are you not tired?” Eleven slid his reading glasses down his nose to look at the older male better.  

“Well, it’s a bit hard to fall asleep when you insist on reading every word out loud.” David didn’t mind, but he was finding himself rather enjoying their tiny bickers over nothing; they brought smiles to his face, and he was…  _ warm  _ inside at the way The Doctor would indulge him in it.  

“I like reading out loud; paints the picture better inside my head.” The Doctor looked back at his book as he turned the page.  “Besides, I haven’t even read my newspaper yet, and I like reading  _ every  _ article, so I hope you’re prepared.” 

“Oh, goodness.  Even the  _ classifieds? _ ” 

_ “Especially  _ the classifieds.  You never know what you’re going to find.  I once saw an advertisement for a baby shark someone wanted to sell.”

Most people would tell him to shut up.  To read silently to himself or go back to his own room.  But not David. He didn’t mind hearing the other talking; it was soothing.  He turned his attention back to his fettuccini and ate slowly as The Doctor read aloud a passage that sounded like something straight out of a horror movie.  

Ten put the bowl back down onto his lap to lift the cover.  “Stephen King?” 

“Classics,” he responded.  He never tore his eyes away from the book again as he fumbled his hand across the mattress until he’d clutched the edge of the bowl.  He pulled it closer to him, ignoring Ten’s sputter of astonishment so he could take a bite out of the other’s dinner. “I went and saw one of King’s movies with Amy at the theatre once.  The person next to me got a handful of my lap for most of the film.” 

“What?” Ten put his hand on the younger’s shoulder and squeezed.  He frowned, not knowing what to say. “…I’m sorry…”

“For what?” The Doctor looked genuinely confused.  “What did you do?” 

“No, I’m sorry for them… putting their hands there.” 

“Oh, don’t be sorry; I liked it!  I came. If I didn’t like it, I would have told Pond I was uncomfortable.  She didn’t even notice until she recognized when I orgasmed, but she thought I’d masturbated and told me to knock it off in public.” 

“Were you, though?”

“Were I what?”

“Uncomfortable.”

“Why would I be?” 

Ten’s calloused fingertips ghosted against the younger’s pale cheek.  “Because usually… people are, at the very least, uncomfortable when strangers put their hands in someone’s lap.” 

“No~  Not me~  I like everyone’s hands in my lap~” Now that he was thinking about it…  “Do you want to put your hand there, too, Ten?” 

Ten’s eyes darted to the side.  He fidgeted uncomfortably. “I… can’t.  Not so soon. I hate moving fast in relationships.” 

“I can go slow,” The Doctor promised.  “I can be patient. But you have to teach me because I’ve never gone slow before.  Do I touch you instead? I can suck you if you want me to; people tell me I’m really good with my mouth~” 

Ten swallowed thickly.  He blinked back the lust in his eyes as he felt his groin twitch in interest, but he knew there was no point in thinking with his lower half today; he could  _ try,  _ but he’d either fail to get adequately hard, or he’d never be able to come and possibly fall flaccid again during.  He shook his head. “No, it’s… It’s okay… I’m not in the mood.” 

The ever-growing bulge in The Doctor’s pants told Ten what he needed to know.  The Doctor smiled as he reached down absentmindedly to stroke himself. “I’m always in the mood~  Pond says I’m very healthy sexually~” 

David cleared his throat.  He took his dinner and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, his back to the younger as the sounds of a zipper being undone filled the air.  He tried so hard to focus on his fettuccini, but as soon as he heard the whimpers and moans start, it was almost impossible to do. 

He dragged a finger along his own small bulge, still not very hard.  He hissed at his body’s reaction to it, but he had no intentions of opening his pants like the other had; instead, he muttered something about having to go to the toilet so he could close the door and put something between him and The Doctor’s sweet noises.

Maybe he should talk to The Doctor and make sure he understood that he wasn’t supposed to just whip himself out of his pants and touch himself like that – but, as he closed the lid to the toilet and sat on top of it, he considered the fact that, like himself, the younger was probably very inexperienced in relationships and no one had ever thought to teach him how to behave appropriately in them.  

He waited until he had heard his name cried from the room before he came back out, throwing the roll of toilet paper he had brought with him to the other.  “Here. Clean up. I’m going to turn the light off and go to bed. You can turn the lamp on if you want to keep reading.” 

The Doctor nodded, still trying to catch his breath.  He tore some of the toilet paper away and wiped at his sticky hands and sheets before he got out of the bed to clean himself up further in the bathroom.  When he returned, the light was off, and Ten was perfectly still in bed. 

He switched the lamp on and put his book by his pillow so he could get himself comfortable before he went back to reading.  He pressed in against Ten as he did all the time before he grabbed his book. One thing he couldn’t understand, though; how could Ten fall asleep while he was still so  _ hard _ ?   


	6. Chapter 6

It had been going along smoother than Ten could have ever imagined.  Somehow, The Doctor was the one relationship he’d ever had he didn’t feel was doomed to failure before it had even begun.  He’d felt that, briefly, when the younger had first announced they were dating, but the feelings had been gone as quickly as they’d arrived because really, Eleven was just so  _ sweet,  _ and he was  _ far  _ from the pushy, manipulative and borderline abusive people he’d been with in the past.  

In fact, his personality was just so beautiful, Ten was sure he’d been smiling more sincerely in two months than he had in relationships that had lasted five years.  

It was probably because it was hard  _ not  _ to smile whenever The Doctor was around – the both of them, really, with their gentle, bewildering quirks that helped him drop all his walls and let them both  _ in _ , even when he knew it would get them into trouble.  

Like now, as the three of them crawled through the ventilation shafts so Nine and Eleven could track down something they’d called the Cybermen, who they were sure had taken residence somewhere in the hospital but didn’t know  _ where _ .  

“If this shaft gets any smaller, I’m going to get stuck in it.” 

Ten had no idea what he was doing here with them, but he was finding himself following along with them on their adventures more and more.  He noticed the staff asked him what his name was far more than they had previously, and he knew it was because they feared he was falling into the same delusion the other two shared.  

He didn’t believe he was.  He was just finding he was  _ much  _ happier being the Tenth Doctor than he ever had been as  _ David _ .  

“That’s because you’re fat,” came Eleven’s response from up ahead.  “Ten and I aren’t having any problems crawling around in here.” 

“Hey!” Bringing up the rear, Nine retaliated with, “At least I’m not as thin as a stick!  Both of you could stand to  _ gain  _ a few pounds!” 

“We don’t want to; we’d rather not get stuck in – my screwdriver!” 

Ten yelped as the youngest headbutted him as Eleven dived after his plastic ‘Sonic’ when it had rolled out of his pocket and towards the ventilation gate.  He wasn’t fast enough to dive after it because, even though he’d jumped headfirst through said gate, he had gotten stuck around his shoulders and could only watch helplessly as his screwdriver rolled around on the marble floor beneath him.

“Aww…” Eleven tried to back up in disappointment to work out how to get down and get his screwdriver back, but after a bit of wriggling, he gave a frightened whimper.  “I-I’m stuck…! Get me out…!” 

Ten wrapped his arms around the younger’s middle to try and pull him out, but it was useless; even with Nine tugging at his legs, what little leeway they’d made only revealed dribbles of blood from the sharp edges of the shaft cutting into him.  

“Wait, stop pulling him.” Ten was relieved when Nine obeyed, but it was Eleven’s thrashing that drew more blood that had him yelling, “Stop moving!  You’re bleeding!” 

“I don’t feel anything; just get me out!” 

Nine went back to pulling at his legs for a few seconds.  “This is why you don’t crawl into confined areas when you  _ know  _ you hate them!” 

“I don’t  _ hate  _ confined areas; I  _ hate  _ getting  _ stuck  _ in them!  Now get me out!” 

No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get him free without cutting his body open even further.  His thrashing had eventually died down when he realized that the harder he struggled, the more creaking and groaning the shaft made until it had shifted with them inside it – no matter how hard he hated getting stuck in tiny spaces, he hated falling even more.  

“I’ll go back and get help,” Nine finally announced.  He, too, started backing up, but that was short-lived because, with a sudden red flush on his face, he announced, “I’m stuck, too…” 

“Really!” It was unbelievable.  Ten slapped his palm to his face before he tried to push past Eleven’s body in front of him.  “If I can get past, I… can get out further ahead… Eleven, move your body to the left a bit more.”

“I can’t; you have me jammed.  I can’t move even if I wanted to.” 

Nine sighed loudly.  “So the three of us are stuck in here, and we don’t even know when someone is going to come along and find Eleven’s head poking out of a ventilation shaft…” 

“Pretty much,” Ten muttered.  “Well, let’s enjoy it; we could be here a while…”

“Let’s play truth or dare!” Sometimes Eleven just had  _ way  _ too many reserves of energy for Ten.  “Nine! I dare you to take your clothes off and crawl around naked.” 

“How am I supposed to do that when I can’t move, either?” 

“Where are we, anyway?” Ten busied himself with playing with his tie, trying not to let the claustrophobic feeling settle deep in his stomach like it wanted to.  

“It’s the showers, but not the men’s,” Eleven announced.  “I think it’s the girls’, but I don’t know; every time I’ve tried showering in there, they make me leave.” 

“Why would you want to shower in the…  You know what? Never mind.” Nine closed his eyes, trying to wriggle free just enough so that the shaft wouldn’t tip to the side any more than it already had.  

“If it’s the showers, someone has to come in eventually,” Ten pointed out.

And then, as if the gods themselves had listened to him, they heard the door in the distance open and soft footsteps patter ever closer.  Nine and Ten held their breaths. And then…

“Hello~” 

They clapped their hands over their ears at the splitting scream that filled the air.

“Hey, wait, don’t leave!” Eleven called after whoever he had been talking to.  “Give me my screwdriver before you leave!” 

“Your only concern is your Sonic?” Nine grunted at the numbness in his hand from where his elbow was jammed into the ground.  “Not getting help to get out of there?”

There was no need to reply because soon enough, the door to the bathroom had opened again and a stern female voice could be heard.  “Really, now, there are  _ no  _ floating heads – oh, my goodness!” 

“Hello~” Just as he had before, he greeted the newcomer cheerfully.  “Can you pass me my screwdriver, please? I need it to go fight the Cybermen.” 

“He really doesn’t have his priorities righted, does he?” came Nine’s sarcastic tone.  Ten could be heard agreeing softly, leaving the nurse’s eyes to widen.

“How many of you are up there?” 

“Three of us,” he called back.  “One was too fat and got stuck behind us, and the other is a stick-man but got stuck against me.  Yeah, my screwdriver, please! Near your feet! I can’t fight the Cybermen without it!” 

Whatever the nurse had been about to say was replaced by a startled shout as Eleven felt his body drop out from beneath him, leaving him hanging midair, trapped in the gate by his chest.  He looked lower, finding that the bottom of the shaft had given way and dropped the other two Doctors to the ground below. He whimpered, finally taking notice of the pain they had mentioned earlier he was supposed to be feeling.  “Okay, I’m starting to hurt now… Get me down!” 

The older two had both scrambled to their feet and were pushing up on the bottoms of Eleven’s feet to try and take his weight off the sharp edges that were now cutting into him like a knife.  They looked over their shoulders as they heard the door open again and found the nurse running out. She returned within the minute, with ladders and other staff members to assist.

It had been a bit of an effort to get him down, but as soon as his feet were on the ground, he’d forgotten all about the dull stabs of pain through his body and taken no notice of the steady streams of blood rolling down almost every inch of his torso; he’d only run straight to his screwdriver and hugged it to his chest.  “Oh, come here, you! I wasn’t going to leave  _ you  _ behind!”  

Ten approached now, and with his eyebrow cocked high, he exclaimed, “Are you aware that your shirt is soaked in blood?  Probably from your skin being shredded off your body. How do you care only about the Sonic?” 

“Am I bleeding?” He was startled to see his boyfriend wasn’t exaggerating.  “Oops! I didn’t even notice~”

Ten sighed, and he wrapped an arm around the younger’s shoulders to lead him from the bathroom.  “Come on… To the medical wing before you pass out from blood loss…” 

Sometimes Ten had to admire the other’s joy; even when he was bleeding out quickly, Eleven was still as bubbly as ever as he talked the two older Doctors’ ears off on their way to the infirmary. 

 

* * *

 

It was a conversation Ten hadn’t been expecting as he sat next to his now-sleeping boyfriend in the infirmary.  Nine had been with them earlier, but had left to attend his therapy appointment, so it was the two younger Doctors and Rory in the same room together, and after the nurse made  _ sure  _ that The Doctor was still fast asleep, Ten knew whatever he was about to say wouldn’t be any good.  

“You’re going to be discharged, David.  You can go home in a matter of days.” 

Ten flinched at the words.  He glanced back at The Doctor, and his hand that had been stroking up and down the younger’s arm soothingly now worried at the other’s sleeves as he chewed on his lip.  He shook his head. “I can’t leave him… He needs me…”

“You think I don’t know that?” Rory grimaced.  “I’ve seen it. How much happier he is with you.  I  _ know  _ he needs you.  But you don’t need  _ us  _ any longer.  You’re stabilized; Matt isn’t.  This isn’t easy for me; Chris will be leaving us, too.  He’s going to be alone again.” 

“Why are you doing that to him?” Ten demanded.  “Why are you trying to  _ hurt  _ him?” 

“I didn’t decide this.” Rory’s hands clenched.  “You think I  _ want  _ to see him hurt?  That  _ Amy  _ will want to see him hurt?  Because he will  _ cry,  _ David.  You’ve never seen him so much as tear up.  But he’s my  _ friend  _ and he’s going to go through another meltdown over this.  You think I’d put him through that if I had the choice? You have no  _ idea  _ how bad his meltdowns are.” 

“Let me take him with me.” It was the first time in a long time Ten had been so serious.  “I can look after him. He trusts me; I can help him.” 

“They won’t let him go home with you.  They wouldn’t let him leave anyway, and even if they did, it would only be to go back with us.” 

“He  _ needs  _ someone with him.”

“I know, but he –“

A groan from the bed cut Rory off.  They both looked to the young man, finding The Doctor stretching his bandaged limbs and peering at them beneath eyelids heavy from sedation.  His voice was croaky, still out of it, but he murmured, “You both are too loud…” 

“Sorry,” Ten whispered as he moved to hand to stroke the younger’s soft hair.  “We can leave and finish our talk; let you get some more sleep.” 

“No…” Rory’s voice was far quieter than Ten could remember hearing it.  There was deep remorse in his eyes as he sighed and muttered, “I’ll tell him now so he has time to prepare for it…”

A startled expression crossed Eleven’s face now, and he brought his hands together to fumble them over each other as anxiety crossed his features.  “Tell me what…? Ten, what’s he want to tell me…?” 

Ten reached out to hold his boyfriend’s hand tightly.  He shook his head at Rory, but the nurse still said, “David and Chris will be leaving you, Matt…  We are discharging them…” 

It felt like the room had felt silent, like everyone had forgotten to breathe.  Eleven’s eyes flickered between the two, back and forth, back and forth, until a sob escaped his lips, a single tear rolled down his cheek, and then he  _ screamed _ .  

It was the first time Ten had ever seen the younger so distressed, and he sincerely hoped it would be the one and only time he witnessed the other experiencing a meltdown; seeing the way the poor thing flew off the handles was almost too much for him.  

 

* * *

 

Ten dabbed his handkerchief at Eleven’s forehead that night, trying to stop the stubborn bleeding that had been on and off all day from where The Doctor had taken to bashing his head against the wall.  He looked at Nine, the older male on the chair with a book open in his lap. 

“You’ve been so quiet today,” Ten said softly as he surveyed the rest of the damage on the other’s body.  Bruising everywhere, poking out from beneath the bandages and clothing from where Rory hadn’t been able to stop him throwing himself at whatever solid surfaces he could get to.  He threaded his fingers through the younger’s hair. “Are you okay?” 

The Doctor shook his head.  He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them as he rocked himself slowly.  Ten knew it was to self-soothe, but it didn’t appear to him to have much effect as the sad expression on Eleven’s face only grew.  “Everyone always leaves me… They never stay…” 

Nine put his book down.  He stood up to approach the bed, and though he wasn’t as touchy-feely at the other two were, he still reached out to cup Eleven’s cheek and hope it brought just a bit of comfort to him.  “We aren’t leaving you because we  _ want  _ to.  They’re  _ making  _ us leave.  We would still be happy to be with you if we could.” 

Eleven sniffled.  He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.  “No one ever stays with me… They all leave me… I don’t understand why…” 

Ten pulled The Doctor’s head to his chest and held it against his heartbeat.  “…”

Finally, Eleven lifted his gaze to meet his boyfriend’s.  His whisper was enough to shatter both the older males’ defenses, and their hearts broke into two.  “I don’t want you to leave me…”

His own tear rolled down his cheek as Ten closed his eyes and held Eleven tighter.  He whispered back. “I don’t want to  _ go _ …” 

Nine sighed.  “Do you want me to stay in here with you for tonight?”

Eleven gave a small nod, one that reminded Ten too much of a scared child.  With that, he laid himself back down and made sure to wrap his blanket tighter around him.  “I want to sleep…” 

It was how they knew how upset he still was; Eleven never went to sleep for another three hours, but here he was, dropping his entire nightly ritual to instead pull his blanket over his head and try to force himself into oblivion.  

Ten looked to Nine.  “I’ll help you get your blankets…  I’ll be right back, Eleven.” With a kiss to the top of the younger’s head that was just poking out from beneath his blanket, Ten left the room, knowing he wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight – not when The Doctor’s heart was absolutely shattered like this.  


	7. Chapter 7

“You look quite possibly more shattered than I’ve ever seen you in your life.” 

David lifted his cheek from the window of Donna’s car.  While he otherwise had hold of a neutral expression on his face, the agony in his eyes spoke volumes.  He regarded his friend for several seconds before he dropped his head back to the glass pane and watched as the world went by, further and further away from that hospital.  “Yah.” 

Donna didn’t know what to say.  She wanted to help, but she knew first-hand how unwilling the older male could be at letting someone help him.  She sighed. “You didn’t want to be there in the first place. You hated me for getting you in there, and now you don’t want to leave.  Is anyone going to win with this?” 

“I don’t care about that place,” David agreed.  “I  _ did  _ hate it there.  I would have been so happy to leave… if I wasn’t happier with  _ him _ …” 

“You really cared about him, didn’t you…?” Donna felt her stomach twist at all the implications.  “You aren’t going to try and kill yourself again so you  _ have  _ to go back, are you…?”

He shook his head.  “I don’t  _ want  _ to go back…  If I can’t be with him, I…  They wouldn’t let me take him with me…”

“I organized a week off work when the hospital rang me.” She was glad she’d done it, too; with the way her friend was acting, she was terrified for him to be left alone.  “I’ll stay with you for a while – help you settle back in. The nurse explained to me you might have some difficulties adjusting back into life.” 

He wasn’t going to argue; he wasn’t in the mood for it.  He stayed silent until Donna had driven him out into the countryside to his farmhouse, and even then, he didn’t say anything as she parked the car and turned it off so she could get his bags from the back seat.  

“I’ve been coming out and feeding your animals for you,” Donna explained as she followed him to the front door with his suitcases in hand.  “I cleaned your house for you, too; it was starting to look like a pigsty.”

Donna, with the only set of keys to the house in her pocket, reached in to retrieve them and unlock the door.  She led the way inside the house, with David stepping in out of the cold right behind her. She turned around, and trying her best to keep a smile on her face, she said, “I’ve cleaned up, and I even cleaned the…  David…?” 

David didn’t turn around to look at her as he walked through the entrance hall and to the corridor that would take him to his bedroom.  She heard his bedroom door close softly behind him, and she almost hesitated to follow.

But slowly, she gathered up the courage to tiptoe to the hallway and stand outside his door, with her hand raised, poised to knock.  Her knuckles were inches off rapping lightly on the hardwood, but she froze when she heard his soft sobs coming from inside.

She went back to the living room, realizing now that he was far more torn up about being taken away from that young man than he was comfortable letting on.  

 

* * *

 

He reemerged for dinner, but though he’d thanked Donna quietly for his meal and taken it to the living room to eat on the couch and watch the TV, he barely touched it.  Not that she’d served him a huge meal in the first place – no, Donna knew the reasons behind him being so thin was because he barely ate as it was – but by the time he finally deposited his plate onto the coffee table and curled up on the couch, he’d eaten all of a couple spoonfuls of each vegetable on his plate and taken one small bite from his roast lamb.  

Donna said nothing about it as she moved to take his plate and clean up after them both.  He was eating even less than he usually did, but she knew him well enough to know he didn’t want to eat at all in the first place and was only trying to sate her concerns about himself as best he could.

When she came back out to the living room, his eyes were closed again.  She sighed. “Do you want to go out? Do something?” 

David cracked an eyelid open slightly to regard her with an exhausted look.  “Do what…? All the shops are shut…” 

“So?  There’s plenty we can do.” Donna knew it was hard at times to stay positive for the both of them, but when her friend was like this, it was all she could do to keep him slipping even further.  “We can go out for a walk into the bush and enjoy the night air. Take the horses out for a ride, maybe?” 

“It’s too cold.” It was a pathetic excuse, and they both knew it.  

“Then we can play board games or something.  Come on…” Donna tugged at his wrist, trying to encourage him to at least sit up.  “Watch a movie or two. Hey, I know; we can go for a drive into London and get some ice cream.” 

“We can watch some movies,” David agreed.  He had no intention of staying awake to watch whatever she chose, but still…  He would  _ try  _ and indulge her if it would appease her concerns.  “I have popcorn.” 

“Great.” She knew he’d only agreed because he could go to sleep during the movie, but she wasn’t going to let him do that; he’d already slept the day away, and it would be nice for him to spend some waking time with her.  “I’ll go make the popcorn!” 

She returned within minutes, with a big bowl of popcorn in hand that she left on the coffee table while she picked out a movie for them to watch.  She put on an old comedy, one she recalled to be a favourite of David’s, and with that set up, she forced the older male to sit up so she could take the spot where his head was.  

He scowled; it was so he had no choice but to use her lap as a pillow if he didn’t want to sit up and stay awake, because she knew with every fidget she’d make, it would disturb his sleep if he closed his eyes and drifted off like he wanted to.  He sighed, but he lay back down with his head on her lap anyway, enjoying the warm hands that played with his hair and caressed his arm absentmindedly as they focused on the movie. 

He did drift off, eventually, but it was about the time Donna nodded as well.  So there they were, both asleep on the couch with only each other for comfort. 

 

* * *

 

His eyes snapped open through the night, and instinctively, he reached out to feel for The Doctor and pull him close – but, just as his nightmares had been about, all he felt was air, not even the mattress beside him.  

“No…” He groaned loudly as he squeezed his eyes shut, remembering exactly what had happened.  He felt the tears assaulting his eyelids to be free, and as much as he wanted to fight against them, he didn’t have the energy.  He sat up and dropped his face into his hands as he felt his palms dampen. 

A snore from behind him caught his attention.  Through the darkness broken only by the light of the DVD menu, he could see Donna still behind him, slouched heavily to her side as she rested against the cushiony back of the couch.  He forced his tears to stop so he could get to his feet and go down the hallway to get a blanket for his friend, and once he’d laid her down properly on the couch and put the blanket over her, he went back to his room.  

The window had been left open from whenever Donna had been in there, cleaning.  It had let in a heavy chill, drawing a few shudders from David as he wrapped his arms around himself and moved to close the window.  He drew the curtains next before he crawled onto the bed and slipped beneath the blankets, not even bothering to dress into pyjamas before doing so. 

He sighed miserably as he thought back to The Doctor.  The younger’s body had always been so warm, and despite being the heavier, ganglier one of the two, he’d still always fit perfectly into Ten’s arms – and vice versa on the odd occasion The Doctor had been feeling more like the dominant one and wanted to behave as so.  

He pulled one of his pillows into his arms.  Try as he might, it was no substitute for the warm, jumpy body that couldn’t stay still even in sleep.  He closed his eyes as his tears fell again. He tried so hard, but no amount of pretending he had his lover back in his arms was able to appease the pain in his heart at having been separated from him.   

 


	8. Chapter 8

Rory couldn’t stand looking at Matt anymore.  He did anything and everything he could to avoid the other because every time he looked at his friend, all he saw was betrayal and heartbreak that just didn’t belong on such a bubbly person’s face.  

It was reminiscent of when they had first had Matt hospitalized.  Though Rory had still been a medical nurse at the time, they’d came in to visit him as much as they could as they knew he wasn’t settling down.  He had refused to leave his room for anything, and whenever a nurse would come in to check on him, his dazed, confused expression would morph into one of terror as he’d burst into tears and try to hide himself away in the corner.  

It wasn’t quite as bad as it had been back then; Matt wasn’t  _ scared,  _ per say, but he sure as hell was going through his first depressive episode in over two years.  He hadn’t left his room in a week, and Rory knew he wasn’t eating or sleeping – classic Matt symptoms he remembered so clearly back when they’d still been caring for him at their home and were battling a losing fight with his bipolar. 

Amy had screamed at Rory for most of the night when she’d came in the day after David and Chris had been discharged, completely unaware that she was going to be lead to Matt’s room and have to hold him for two hours as he cried so much, he eventually sobbed himself into sleep.  She’d screamed at him as soon as he’d walked through the front door after finishing work, furious that Rory could let it happen when he’d  _ known  _ how much it would hurt Matt.  

When he’d finally gotten the guts to face Matt again, he was horrified by what he’d found.  The older male’s paled face had sunken in from both lack of sleep and the huge amount of weight he had lost so quickly.  His eyes were red and his cheeks damp as he stared up at the nurse from where he lay curled into a ball on his bed, rocking himself in distress.  

Rory hadn’t been able to say anything; he’d closed the door and left right away, feeling as if he was being suffocated by the thick despair trapped in that room.  He’d left, and he hadn’t come back until that night. 

“Matt…?” 

It was the first time in  _ years  _ Matt had responded properly to his name.  He’d lifted his tear-stained face from where it had been buried into his wet pillow and looked at Rory.  “Y-yes…?” 

Rory braved the uncomfortable setting and moved to sit on the bed next to his friend.  He stared at his knees for almost four minutes before he finally mumbled, “I can get you out of here, but you’d have to do exactly as I say.” 

Matt whimpered and pulled his blanket tighter around his trembling body.  “…” 

Rory’s fingers twitched with uneasiness.  “I can get you out… But you have to go back to being Matt – at least until you get out.” 

“But I  _ am  _ Matt…” It was when the older male spoke in such a confused tone did Rory feel as if he could throw up; after everything Matt had run from as ‘The Doctor’, The Doctor had died at his abandonment, and Rory had never felt so consumed by guilt in his  _ life _ .  

 

* * *

 

“You know, if you stay there for much longer, there is going to be a David-shaped indent on your couch.” Donna sighed as her words got little to no reaction from her friend.  She moved to the man laying face-down on the couch and grabbed the back of his pyjama shirt to try and pull him to his feet. “Come on! Get up and do something! You can’t just lay there like a potato all day every day!” 

David shrugged her hands off him.  He turned his head to the side to look at her.  “I  _ am  _ doing something, and it’s called trying to sleep.”

“No, it’s called moping like a little child!  Get up!” There was no bite to Donna’s words; nothing but pure concern and the need to get him off the couch for once.  “Come on, I’ll talk you out for lunch – or we can go see a movie, or – or…  _ Anything  _ you want, but just get  _ up _ !” 

David knew he should care about Donna, that he should get up and  _ try  _ to ease her worries – but instead, he only dropped his face back into the couch cushion and closed his eyes.  

“Oh, for goodness sake…” Donna rolled her sleeves up, ready to get physical – whatever it took to get him off that bloody couch – but before she could put her plan into action, the phone rang.  She glared at it for a few seconds before she turned back to David and growled, “Just you wait, sunshine!” 

Whoever she’d been expecting on the other end of the line, it certainly wasn’t the hospital David had recently been released from.  She was almost worried they’d changed their minds and wanted him back in their care, so when they requested to talk to David, she couldn’t help but force out, “He’s sleeping right now; can I help you instead?” 

“Oh, maybe.” It was a female – a receptionist, perhaps.  She sounded a bit hesitant now, but she still got her question out there in the end.  “One of our nurses, Rory, asked me to give you a call regarding one of our other patients, Matt, and if David would still be happy to keep him in his care as was requested recently.” 

In the back of her mind, Donna knew the receptionist should never have asked her that and reserved the question directly for David, but she couldn’t care about that because all that mattered was shaking David like he’d never been shaken before and  _ yelling  _ at him to take the phone.  

David, startled beyond belief at her sudden behavior, fumbled with the phone before he finally got it to his ear.  Sleepily, he mumbled, “What’s going on…?” 

Donna watched his expressions twist from exhaustion, to fear, to bewilderment, and then finally, the biggest smile he’d worn in ten years crossed his face as he nodded and exclaimed, “Yes!” 

There was no need to ask how the phone call went down; his suddenly-giddy behavior told her all she needed to know.  


	9. Chapter 9

Amy looked at Matt from the corner of her eye.  He was sitting in the passenger seat of her car, with his knees tucked tightly against his chest and his chin on them as he rocked slightly, an uncomfortable expression on his face.  

“Are you okay?”  It was understandable he was freezing up; he hadn’t been outside that hospital in six years, and his senses were most likely overloaded, despite how relieved he was to know he could finally leave.  

Matt twisted his hands together as he turned his head slightly to look at her.  He swallowed thickly before his tongue darted out to lick his dry lips. His voice held that frightened child tone that Amy knew never belonged on someone like Matt.  “What if he doesn’t want me anymore…?” 

“He does,” Amy promised.  “I went and saw him yesterday; he’s  _ ecstatic  _ he gets you back.” 

No one but Amy could have noticed the way Matt’s fidgeting died down just a tiny bit at that.  The tension in his body remained, and all he could do was murmur, “He missed me…?” 

“He did.” Amy was solemn, remembering the man she had spoken to the day previous who could barely contain his tears at the knowledge he really  _ was  _ getting Matt back.  “Very much. He’s going to take care of you, Matt, but we still need to talk about… other stuff before we get there.” 

He flinched; was he in trouble?  Had he done something wrong? “…” 

Amy understood the reaction.  “You didn’t do anything. You’ll just be in home care from now on – it was the best way for Rory to get you out of there.” 

“Home care…?” 

“Yes; just until they’re confident you’re better.  You know, just things like coming to check on you and making sure all your medication is okay.  Things like that.” 

Matt nodded.  His fidgeting worsened again for several seconds before he reached into his pocket to withdraw something, but when his hand came up empty, he frowned; what was it he’d been looking for?  Had he forgotten something? He had the strangest feeling he’d been carrying a comfort item around since his hospitalization. 

He started to rock slightly, and in an attempt to keep himself grounded, he talked to Amy about everything that crossed his mind just so he wouldn’t have to hear the silence that had been consuming him since his friends’ departures.  

Amy indulged in him, responding to him every time and keeping him comfortable as they got further and further out of London and finally to the farmhouse she’d been at yesterday to drop some of Matt’s belongings off.  

“Amy…” Matt kept his head ducked when he heard the car turn off.  He gripped his pant legs tightly as he stared determinedly to his shoes.  “…I’m scared…” 

He would be, too, Amy knew.  He always had been uncomfortable in new settings.  She got out of the car and moved to open his door. “I know, but it’s okay.  You’ll be safe here.” 

He got out after a minute of encouragement, sticking close to her side as he heard the front door of the house open and the woman he recognized as Donna Noble came running out to greet them.  She looked  _ very  _ happy, he acknowledged – possibly because she knew it would make  _ David  _ happy?  That thought brought him comfort, and he felt his body relax slightly.  

“David’s in the shower,” Donna had explained as she’d reached into the back of the car to get Matt’s bags.  “I’d say he’d been out soon, but he takes  _ forever  _ in there.”

Amy laughed and jerked her thumb at Matt.  “We had to ban this one from taking a shower before us because guaranteed he’d only get out once he used all the warm water.” 

Matt held Amy’s hand tightly as he was lead into the house.  He dragged his feet along the ground, his trembling worsening to the point he looked like he was having a seizure.  He was eventually sat on a couch, but he wouldn’t settle until Amy had sat by him, so close their bodies were pressed against one another.  He kept his hands with hers, not letting go until, after what had felt like an eternity, warm arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled his head back to lean against a solid chest.  

Amy smiled at the way Matt’s body instantly relaxed now that he was back in David’s arms.  His shaking had almost died down completely, and the heavy tension in his body loosened as his eyes closed and he breathed in the older male’s scent.  

She reached down to take one of the bags, kicking herself that she’d completely neglected to do this sooner; she opened the bag and reached in, digging inside for the plastic screwdriver she’d bought him just after his hospitalization  She knew how reliant on it he was as a soothing point, and she felt horrible that it had failed to cross her mind sooner that he might have needed it earlier. 

“Matt, here’s your – oh…”  Her eyes crinkled and deep emotion swum in her stomach as she realized Matt had fallen asleep within seconds.  She glanced at her watch; still too early for his daily nap, but then again, with how little he’d been sleeping, he was probably  _ exhausted _ .  

David nuzzled their cheeks together before he moved around to the front of the couch so he could lift the younger into his arms.  “I’ll take him to bed.” 

It was testimony as to how exhausted Matt truly was when he didn’t so much as stir at being carried and then laid down in in a bed too hard for his body and covered with blankets made from materials that caused painful sensations to spread through his body every time they rubbed against him.  He didn’t wake, not until the day was almost over and dinner was being prepared.

 

* * *

 

“What are you doing with that?!” 

Donna almost jumped at the horrified shout David had aimed at her.  She looked down at the bag of bacon in her hand before she huffed and shouted back, “I’m cooking bacon!  What does it look like to you?!” 

David was quick to snatch the bag away.  “He doesn’t  _ like  _ bacon!  He’s supposed to  _ eat _ ; not throw it away!” 

“Well,  _ don’t  _ yell at me when you didn’t  _ tell  _ me, cupcake!” She snatched the bacon back to toss onto the bench next to the frying pan.  “What  _ am  _ I supposed to make for him, then?!” 

David opened his mouth to continue their playful bickering, but he shut it again when his eyes widened and he realized what was about to spill from his mouth.  “…” 

“Well?!” Donna was going about taking the bacon out of the bag and throwing it into the saucepan as she waited for a response; just because she’d have to change her plans for Matt didn’t mean she was going without her bacon tonight.  

“Fish custard…?” David palmed his face at the confused expression he was met with.  

“What?” 

“Fish custard.”  He sighed, and he moved to the fridge so he could pull out the custard and a box of fish fingers.  “I know… It’s his favourite.” 

Donna felt her stomach churn at the  _ thought  _ of the concoction.  “How does he not throw up after it…?” 

David shrugged.  “I don’t know, but it’s what he likes…” 

She rolled her eyes as she snatched the two items into her hold to take to the bench.  “I hope you realise I’m going to do my best to avoid making him  _ fish custard _ – I don’t want to be cleaning up after him when he throws up everywhere!” 

David gave a stiff nod and slight shrug of his shoulders.  While Donna whipped around the kitchen to prepare the rest of their dinner, he stood by the stove so he could look after the bacon.  “You didn’t have to cook for him, Donna…” 

Donna looked over her shoulder at the older male.  She shook her head. “What are you talking about? I’m cooking for  _ all  _ of us, aren’t I?” 

“Yes.  But I would have been happy to do it instead.” He adjusted the knob on the stove to turn the heat down a notch.  

Donna’s voice softened now as she fished out the eggs from the fridge.  “You’ve been making breakfast most days… You’ve been getting out of bed just to do that for me; dinner is the least I can do for you.” 

David nodded.  His eyes never left the bacon as his thoughts trailed back to The Doctor.  He frowned. “Did you notice how skinny he’s gotten, Donna…? He’s lost a very worrisome amount of weight…” 

“Yeah.  I noticed…  That’s why I’m trying to work out what to feed him instead of this bloody fish custard.  How’s he supposed to put weight on with that?” 

“Who’s putting weight on?” 

The two turned around to look at the doorway at the youngest’s voice.  Donna gave him a warm smile and then turned back to the eggs she was breaking, leaving David to answer the question; the last thing she wanted was to unsettle him again when he was finally looking comfortable.  

“You, hopefully.  You’ve lost a lot of weight.” David turned back to the bacon to check on its progress while the younger hoisted himself up onto the bench to sit on it and swing his legs in the air.  “Do you  _ want  _ fish custard for dinner?  We can make you something else.” 

“Why would I want something else?” He crinkled his nose up at the suggestion, as if he’d wandered into a terrible smell.  

“Because that  _ can’t  _ be healthy for you,” Donna pointed out.  She put down the plates she’d just fished out of the cupboard so she could instead move to Matt’s side and put her hand on the younger’s stomach.  “Look at all this weight you’ve lost! No wonder you look so sick, you poor thing. You need to eat proper for a while. When was the last time you ate?” 

“Three days,” he pointed out unflinchingly.  He didn’t understand why Donna and David winced terribly; just that, for some strange reason, Donna was rushing to the fridge to get a carton of orange juice out.  He continued responding to the question. “But I didn’t really  _ eat  _ eat; they made me go on a stupid drip thing to feed me.” 

Donna froze.  She finally cleared her mind enough to pour a glass of juice and leave it on the bench so she could next put one of the plates back and replace it with a bowl instead.  She poured a small serving of custard into it and fetched a spoon before she gave Matt both the bowl and the cup and murmured, “Here; you need to eat something small until your tummy can handle food again.” 

Matt gave a pout as he stared down at the bowl, seeing the custard but still feeling as if it was empty.  “What about my fish fingers…?”

“No.  No fish fingers for tonight; you need to eat  _ lightly _ or else you’re going to be vomiting all over the place.” 

His pout never vanished, but he didn’t argue about the fish; he took a gulp of orange juice before he picked up his spoon and ate so slowly, he’d taken perhaps four licks of custard by the time the other two had prepared a complete meal for them both.  

“Eleven, let’s go.” David deposited the used cookery into the sink before he turned around and eyed The Doctor, expecting him to have gotten off the bench and prepared to leave.  Instead, he was still sitting there, stirring his custard absentmindedly. “Eleven? …Doctor?” 

Still no response.  It was as if he’d gone deaf.  David prepared himself to call again, but before he could, Donna’s voice rang from down the hall, where she must have finished setting the table already.  “Matt? Come and eat in here.” 

Matt’s head snapped up at his name, and with a bit of uncertainty, he pushed himself from the counter and gathered his cup haphazardly in the crook of his arm as he carried his bowl towards Donna’s voice.  “Coming!” 

David was confused, but he didn’t think about it; if, for whatever reason, the younger was responding to Matt now, he could live with that.  By the time he’d entered the dining room and sat at the table next to The Doctor, Donna was already eating and Eleven was taking tentative licks at his spoon as he eyed the window across from him warily.

“What’s wrong?” David pulled his plate to him and picked up his fork.  “Are you okay?” 

“The noise…” He put down his spoon and covered his ears.  “It’s scaring me…” 

“That’s nothing to be scared of,” David promised.  “That’s the blinders moving in the wind. Look, I’ll go pull them up for you.” 

There was going to be a lot of settling in for The Doctor, David realized as he opened the front door and treaded around the side of the house until he got to the dining room windows.  It was understandable; that hospital had been very quiet at night, but out here, there were so many new noises to adjust to, and added on to everything else Matt would need to learn to settle in with, it might not be so easy – hell, he might even  _ never  _ settle properly, but David hoped it wasn’t going to come to that. 

The more the night dragged on, though, the more David realized it quite possibly  _ could _ .  He never stayed up late anymore; he was always asleep before nine, never having the energy to make it any further, but with Matt here, he’d forced himself to stay out of bed and keep his eyes open until nine-thirty had rolled around and he’d made sure his lover had taken his medication.  

“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to take all that yucky stuff anymore…” Matt scrunched his nose up in distaste at one of the tablets he had never been fond of.  He gave the glass back to David so he could instead take his next tablet, this time one that would dissolve on his tongue and left a taste behind that he greatly enjoyed.  

David hummed as he swallowed his own medication, having made the conscious decision to alter his own schedule to take them alongside Matt for morale support – they  _ both  _ needed it, so why not?  “Sadly, things don’t work out like you hope, do they?”

Matt shook his head.  His nightly ritual was completed; he was showered and dressed in his favourite pyjamas, his medication all swallowed, and all that was left was to… 

He frowned.  Now that he was out of the hospital and knew he didn’t have a curfew time to be back in his room, he felt as if he were bursting with energy.  He wanted to get up and move around, to burn off his excess energy as he’d never been good at staying still – the way he  _ threw  _ his body around whenever he talked was testimony to that – but he knew he couldn’t; David had taken his reading glasses off and placed them on the bedside table so he could get up and turn the light off.

Matt was perfectly complacent when David got back into bed and pulled him into his arms.  He curled into the older male and closed his eyes, but his fidgeting didn’t go unnoticed. 

“You’re so jumpy tonight.” David’s hand rubbed circles into the younger’s hip.  His voice was heavy and slurred with sleep already, quickly drifting off. “Try and sleep…  Bedtime…” 

He was out like a light, leaving Matt to tumble his hands over each other as his throat started constricting from nervousness.  His first instinct was to wake David back up and tell him he was scared, but he knew not to disturb the other as he slept. 

The noises around him suddenly felt as if they’d been amplified now that he knew he was facing them alone.  He dragged his pillow out from under his head and held it over his ears, but it didn’t muffle anything. 

He hadn’t realized how loud he was being until, what the alarm clock on the bedside drawers next to him told him had only been twenty minutes, he felt the arms around his waist tighten for a brief second before David shifted behind him and murmured, “What’s the matter…?”

“The sounds…” 

David listened closely to try and get a better understanding at what was bothering the younger.  He shook his head. “That’s the tree branches scraping against the window… They always… do that…” 

David was asleep already again, but even with Matt’s nightly cocktail of sleeping tablets to try and get him into rest at a reasonable hour, his eyes were wide open.  The incessant scraping he now knew to be the tree never stopped, and that was okay, but there were still so many sounds out there he didn’t yet understand. His body started shaking.  

“Matt…?” David was awake again, his tone groggy.  Fourteen minutes and five seconds this time, Matt realized.  

“I’m scared…” Matt finally admitted.  “It’s loud…” 

“D’you need to sleep… on the couch…?” It was a battle to keep his eyelids open, and he was exhausted enough to have almost fallen asleep again then and there.  

“No…” 

David moved his hand upwards to caress the other’s soft hair.  “You’re safe… Go back to sleep…”

But the third time David was woken by Matt’s shaking and fidgeting and  _ whimpering,  _ he sighed loudly and propped himself up on his side with one elbow.  He reached across the younger to turn the lamp on, and he regarded his lover with tired, aged eyes.  “You can’t sleep, can you…?” 

Matt shook his head as the tumbling of his hands increased now.  “…”

“You need to relax…  How to relax you…” His mind was so foggy with sleep, it took him several moments to work out what to do.  He reached across again to turn the lamp off, and then he pushed gently at Matt’s chest. “Lay on your back for me…” 

Matt did as told.  He could make out the blurred vision of David rubbing the sleep from his eyes before he pulled the blankets up off the bed and over his head as he nudged Matt’s legs apart.  The sounds were still ringing loud in his ears, but now that he had David’s hands rubbing over his stomach and hips, he had something else he could focus on instead. 

“M-more…” Matt closed his eyes and let out a pleased sigh as he felt the other crawl in between his outstretched legs.  He brought his hands up to clutch at his pyjama shirt and let out a pleasured whimper. 

David obeyed.  He dropped hi1 s face to Matt’s stomach and circled his tongue around the other’s bellybutton.  It earned him a loud gasp as long legs shuddered so violently, one of them kneed him in the side.  He knew he was succeeding in hardening the other because he could feel the bulge growing against his cheek. 

Matt moaned softly when he felt the waistband of his pants be pulled down, allowing his half-hard arousal to spring free.  He brought his hand to his mouth to bite down on it and stifle his cry as a hot tongue licked at his tip. 

From beneath the blanket, he made out David’s muffled voice.  “Don’t hide your noises… Let them free…” 

Matt whimpered.  He threw his head to the side when he felt the head become engulfed in the other’s mouth.  He choked on a particularly loud cry before he whimpered out, “B-but you and Amy say… I have to be quiet…” 

“Not when we’re in my house…” David promised. “You can be loud in my bedroom.  As loud as you want to be. I promise. Donna won’t care.” 

That was enough encouragement for him.  As he felt the mouth take him in even further, he gave a loud cry as his hips jerked upwards in response.  “T-ten…!”

David faltered in his pace at the confusion; Matt had been calling him David all night, so why now was he…?  He didn’t think much on it; all that mattered now was getting Matt comfortable and to sleep. He quickened his pace, not wanting to draw it out tonight; all he wanted was to go back to sleep. 

“T-ten…!” His cries became louder and more desperate as his hips started to jerk; the fast pace and harsh suction David had set was overstimulating his nerves, and with one final buck of his hips and a shout of David’s ‘name’, he released.  

He panted heavily, his fingers digging into the blankets beneath them as his body twitched and jerked.  His eyes were shut tight as he tried to get his breath. He could feel David moving next to him, laying down again and pulling him close to his body.  He felt the other’s hardness against his hip, and he reached out to grasp it.

David snatched his wrist before it could get too close.  He gently moved it back to Matt’s own body as he whispered, “Not tonight…  Just sleep… Tomorrow…” 

Matt nodded.  His breathing was still erratic, but his body was lax and he felt so comfortable tucked safely against his lover’s body.  He could still hear the noises from outside, but his eyelids were so heavy and he felt so  _ good _ , it was hard to focus on them now.  

Finally, just as David started drifting off again, he heard the younger’s breathing even out and Matt fell as still as he could be – which, to be fair, even for sleep, still wasn’t much.   


	10. Chapter 10

Just because Matt had slept in  _ very  _ late that morning didn’t mean he wasn’t bursting with energy when he’d finally woken up and found himself alone in the bed, David nowhere in sight.  He could smell food wafting in from under the door, so he assumed the other was out in the kitchen. He’d almost gotten up and out of bed to join David, but he stopped when his morning arousal made itself known inside his pants.  

He groaned softly, but he was, by no means, displeased; he’d never had an erection that wasn’t welcome, even if Amy had told him countless times he was being inappropriate for the time and place.  He slid his pants down again to grasp his cock, his fingers squeezing tightly around the base as he slid his hand upwards slowly. 

He moaned quietly, replaying the time they’d first made love together deep in his mind.  He recalled the way David had laid him down on his back and ran his hands over every inch of his body while he kissed and licked and  _ sucked  _ all the way from his lips to his navel.  He remembered the way he had  _ felt  _ the gentleness, the  _ tenderness  _ that came with such loving touches, and it had been one of the only times he’d ever felt such light caresses as his nerve endings set on fire with arousal.  

He’d whimpered, much like the soft sounds escaping his lips now as he tightened his fist and quickened his pace.  He’d moaned when David’s fingertips had ghosted against his entrance, teasing him in preparation for what was to come.  He tried his best to mimic it in present time as he stretched his arm out to prod his opening with the index finger of his free hand.  

It had hurt him at first, but then again, even though he rarely felt pain unless it was severe, he’d whimpered and teared up at the first penetration just as he always did during sex because the nerves associated with  _ this  _ was enough to cause him severe discomfort.  

David was unlike every other person Matt had been with in that David had been patient with him, holding him tight and kissing him as they waited for the pain to quieten.  He’d moved so gently at first, so slowly and  _ concernedly  _ until he was  _ sure  _ Matt was enjoying what they were doing as much as  _ he  _ was.  

He wished now that it were David’s fingers prodding around in his insides, but it was okay that it wasn’t because his fingers were bringing him enough pleasure to enjoy the act by himself.  

He licked his lips as he focused on how David’s lips felt so good against his own, so soft and warm and  _ gentle  _ as they would part lips with their tongues and join in on a dance they’d almost perfected with how often they both needed to be able to taste the other. 

“T-ten…” His body jerked as a particularly hard wrought of pleasure surged through him.  He almost brought his hand back to his mouth to bite down on it, remembering how often he’d been told he wasn’t supposed to let other people hear him in these moments – but  _ David  _ had said it was okay to be loud here, and he was going to do so.  “T-ten…!” 

He could feel his orgasm coming on quickly, so he allowed his thoughts to focus on the way they’d keep their mouths locked together as David’s thrusts would get jerky, but never moved hard or fast enough to break their slow, loving temp together until David would let out a strangled cry and his hips would still as he spilt himself inside the younger male, one hand still in Matt’s hair as he used the other to stroke the cock between their sweaty bodies.  They’d kiss, long and hard and  _ loving  _ after that, and the comfort alone that Matt would feel every time was enough for him to spill over his own hand and whimper loudly as it rolled down his flesh and onto the sheets.  

He would need to change the blankets before David saw the stains, he knew, but first he’d have to change his clothing; he’d spilt more over himself than he had on the bed.  

He’d get in the shower first.  Shower, dress, and then explore his new surroundings.  Maybe eat breakfast afterwards. But that was still undecided for now.  He’d shed his clothing before he’d even left the bedroom, wandering to where he remembered the bathroom to be and proceeded to stand beneath the warm water for almost two hours before Donna had let herself into the bathroom and talked him into  _ finally  _ getting out so she could shower, too.  

“There’s only so much hot water, and we want showers, too,” she had told him gently as she held out a towel for him to step inside and did her best to avoid looking anywhere below his neck.  

He’d listened.  He’d gotten out of the shower and allowed Donna to wrap him in the blanket that made his skin ripple in discomfort, but he didn’t go back to the bedroom to get dressed; instead, towel and all, he made his way outside, taking no notice of the cold that should otherwise have sent chills down his spine.  He treaded bare foot through the tiny clumps of snow that had fallen overnight, but before he could get much further away from the verandah, he heard the door open and when he looked back, David was running out to him. “Hello~” 

“What are you  _ doing  _ out here?!” David was shrugging his overcoat off to wrap around Matt’s body.  “It’s snowing, and you have no  _ clothes _ on!” 

“I’m wearing a towel, though,” Matt pointed out.

“Yes, and you look great in it, but you’re going to freeze to death out here.  Put some clothes on if you want to go outside. Blimey!” David’s hand found The Doctor’s, and he held it tightly as he led the younger back into the house and to their bedroom.  

He finally found the energy to kneel by his lover’s bags and unzip them.  He pointed to one of the few on his other side. “Your clothes are in that one, I think.  Get dressed and I’ll put your stuff away for you.” 

He could hear the younger getting dressed behind him, humming to himself as he adjusted his bowtie in the mirror.  David kept his attention on the bags, stacking the books together in a pile to make room for them on the bookshelf in the living room.  He’d reached in, wondering what else he was going to fish out, when his hands closed around the other’s screwdriver. A familiar pang of loss settled deep within his chest, wondering why it hurt so much to know that The Doctor’s chapter seemed to be over with and what it would mean for David as the Tenth.  

After all, weren’t they just Matt and David…?  Two broken pieces of a puzzle that needed each other to feel whole again?  What did it matter what names they went by as long as they  _ loved  _ each other?

“What’s that?” Matt came over to kneel next to David and take the screwdriver into his hands.  

“It’s yours.  It’s your Sonic.” 

“Really?” He held it up in the air as he scrutinized it heavily.  “I don’t remember this. Where did it come from? Are you sure it’s mine?” 

David nodded.  He kept his eyes fixed on the personal hygiene items he was pulling out next.  He passed them over to Matt, and when he spoke, it was in a strangled voice. “Can you put those in the bathroom for me, please?” 

Now that he was alone, David lowered his head into his hands as he sighed heavily and closed his eyes.  It wasn’t Matt, or even  _ The Doctor  _ that was hurting him; it was, he supposed, the fact that  _ David  _ just didn’t feel as spectacular as  _ Ten _ .  There had been no doubt he’d been happier as the Tenth, and to have that stripped from him… 

It was just another loss out of the many he had already suffered.

“Ahh!” 

“Hello~  Just putting these on the bench –“

“- Get out!” 

David couldn’t help but feel his lips twist upwards into a tiny smile at Donna’s shrieking; he’d forgotten she was in the shower, and he supposed he had better go and rescue her before she resorted to throwing things.  

 

* * *

 

David had always known Matt was energetic and had  _ a lot  _ of reserved energy, and while he’d pondered over it, concerned his own lack of motivation may make it difficult to care for the younger, it seemed that Matt’s presence was the best thing for him as Matt didn’t want to sit still, and David wanted to keep him company.  

It was the first time in a long time David had been able to stay out of his bed, awake and moving around as he slowly got all his chores done without relying on Donna to come around and do them for him.  With Matt’s help, they’d tidied up the house, fed the cats that seemed insistent on avoiding Matt, no matter how hard he searched to find them, and after putting an old hoodie (Matt had insisted on it; it  _ was  _ cold outside – apparently;  _ he  _ didn’t feel it) on the dog, they’d left Donna in the living room, in the middle of a loud, gossiping phone call with a friend, so they could go outside and feed the horses.  

The dog had jumped through the snow ahead of them, it slowly building up as the hours went on with the light snowfall that didn’t seem to be ready to cease any time soon, and as they left a trail behind them as they made the decent journey down to the stables, they talked.

“How do you afford all this if you aren’t working anymore?” Matt couldn’t get enough of the scenery around him; the many,  _ many  _ trees that surrounded the property caked in snow and creating a gentle aesthetic that his eyes drank in greedily.  There were bushes, too. Flowers upon flowers everywhere, and while just behind the horse paddock opened up and was void of trees, he could see that it in fact lead to a drop off, with a huge valley underneath that looked so much like a winter wonderland, he wanted to go down and play in it all.  

“It isn’t easy,” David admitted.  “Once I get all my payments in my bank, I have to pay my rent and my bills.  Buy food for the animals – the horses take such a huge chunk out of my money, Matt…  And then, once the animals are all sorted, I have to feed myself and make sure I have what I need…  It’s so hard… I never have much money left over…” 

Matt clasped his fingers together as he found a skip in his step.  “I have lots of money! Amelia always got my payments out of my bank for me and we’d put the cash in my moneybox so no one would know I never spend any of it.  You can have it all.” 

“Oh…” David touched the younger’s arm lightly.  He shook his head. “No… Matt, no. That’s  _ your  _ money.   _ You  _ spend it on what you want to – not on  _ me _ .” 

“But I  _ want  _ to spend it on you,” Matt pointed out.  “Can we go shopping today? I haven’t been into town in a long time; I want to go shopping~” 

“We can go shopping,” David promised.  “Where do you want to go?” 

Matt tugged at his bowtie, humming as he considered the question.  “I want to read more books. And buy more bowties. Oh, and get some new clothes, too!” 

“Of course we can do all that.” They’d pushed open the stable doors and stepped inside, David shuddering as the cold assaulted his thin body.  “You know, I haven’t been into town in a long time, either. It must have been a few months before I went in to the hospital.” 

“Because you don’t have much energy?” Matt looked over his shoulder at his lover before he bounded over to the horse in its stall closest to him.  He grinned as he patted it, listening closely to David’s response while he rubbed his cheek against the horse’s face. 

“Yes.  Usually I just give Donna money and she’d do all my shopping for me.  But it’s okay; we’ll go into town today instead. My bills are paid and we haven’t got much food left; we’d better remedy that, hey?” 

Matt nodded in response to his lover before he murmured, “What is her name?” 

“The horse?  He’s a  _ he _ , and his name is Danny.”

“No; she is a girl, David,” Matt murmured again.  “It’s what she chooses to be. And she likes her name to be Lucy.” 

David coughed into his hand to stifle laughter.  “What makes you say that?” 

“…” A frown crossed Matt’s face now, and his hands fell from the horse’s head.  He looked pained, so incredibly hurt, it was as if he had aged fifty years on the spot.  And his eyes… David couldn’t look into those eyes; it was as if Matt were an old man trapped in a young body.  “…I don’t know…” 

David reached out and wrapped his arm around the younger’s shoulders to lead him into another area of the stable, hidden behind a door.  He gestured to what looked like a storage cupboard. “Their food is in here. I’ll show you how to mix it, and then you can help me feed them, okay?” 

Matt nodded.  His smile had returned, but he had fallen quiet and his hands were fumbling again.  He did everything David told him to until he was finally carrying one of the three buckets out to the stalls to put in Danny’s – or rather, Lucy’s, as Matt said – stall.  

“Before we leave, we just need to check and make sure their rugs are okay.” 

Matt nodded.  He really did enjoy what they were doing, but for some reason, there was so much on his mind, it was hard to focus on the tasks at hand when all he could question was, what was  _ missing _ inside him? 

 

* * *

 

“Why do people call you Ten?” 

David was startled by the question.  He looked over his shoulder as his hands froze in where they’d been unbuttoning his dress shirt in order to pull a short-sleeve on instead.  He almost wasn’t sure how to respond, so he proceeded with caution. “Who calls me Ten, Matt?” 

Matt was sitting on the bed, his legs swinging over the edge as he fidgeted with his heavy hoodie.  He didn’t feel he needed it, but David had been insistent. “I don’t know. I just… feel like I’ve heard people call you that before.” 

Truthfully, he replied.  “People  _ did  _ used to call me that, but they don’t anymore.  They call me David now.” 

“Why did they  _ used  _ to call you Ten?” 

“I don’t know.  I never really got to the bottom of that one.  It was just… what they liked calling me, I suppose.” With his short-sleeve on instead now, he grabbed his own hoodie from the desk beside him and slipped it over his thin body, ready now for going out into the blistering cold for a few hours.  “Are you ready? We can leave now.” 

Matt nodded.  He jumped off the bed and moved to David’s side to slip his hand inside the warmer one.  They kissed softly before David squeezed the younger’s hand and led him out of their room to say goodbye to Donna.  

David was noticing a pattern now, and it was truly concerning him; for whatever reason, Matt was blocking out every memory he had of The Doctor – the only exception was David himself, and he still couldn’t understand  _ why _ .  


	11. Chapter 11

It was strange to be in town again after so long of avoiding it, but here they were, leaving the car behind as they walked through the icy car park and towards the shopping mall that would soon provide adequate warmth and cover from the snow.  

Matt’s hand clung tightly to David’s hoodie as they walked at a brisk pace.  It was going to take a while for him to relax and settle, but with David by his side, he at least had comfort enough to be able to get out of the car and approach something he had only ever been able to accomplish with Amy.  

“What do you want to do first?” David squeezed the younger’s hand tightly as they stepped into the warm building.  

“Look at clothes.” Matt seemed happy enough as he stopped just past the entrance doors to look around.  He used his free hand to tug at his hoodie uncomfortably. “Your hoodie is hurting me.” 

“You can take it off now; you won’t be so cold.” David laughed at the way the younger was only too eager to tear the hoodie from over his head and thrust it into the other’s arms to get rid of it.  “Alright, come on. Clothes are this way.” 

Matt beamed as he slipped his hand inside David’s, allowing the older male to lead the way.  The journey didn’t take long, up one escalator and then a minute’s walk to their left and they got there easily.  Matt wandered off almost immediately to look at the clothing, leaving David to take a seat on a nearby bench and pull his phone from his pocket as he waited patiently for Matt to finish up.  

The rest of their shopping went well, and by the time they’d put all their purchases into the car and gone back inside to have lunch together, David was well and truly ready for sleep.  They’d paid for their food and brought it to a table tucked away in an almost empty corner of the food court, away from the loud noise of the other patrons that was making Matt uneasy. 

By the time the cleaners had come around and dropped a large, solid metal bin lid onto the marble floor that echoed throughout the area with a loud crash, Matt had whimpered in pain and slapped his hands to his ears as he stood up quickly.  “Hurts… I’ll be back…” 

David let him go, knowing he just needed to get somewhere quiet and relax.  He fought the urge to go with Matt, knowing Matt wasn’t a child and could take care of himself, and instead he kept his attention on his food as he picked slowly at his salad.  He looked up at the shoulder on his hand, and with a smile, he turned to face Matt. “That was quick; I thought you’d be long – what are  _ you  _ doing here?” 

David’s defences were immediately up as he stared into eyes he had hoped he’d never see again.  His body bristled, and with clenched hands, he urged himself to stop shaking from the anger he was immediately filled with.  

The blond-haired man still gripping David’s shoulder tightly laughed.  He squeezed his hand, and in a taunting tone, he leant in close and whispered, “Have you forgotten my name already?” 

David’s eyes narrowed.  “I’d  _ never  _ forget it,  _ Koschei _ .”

A darkness flooded the other’s expression, and David should have known better than to think that just because they were in public, he wasn’t going to get hit; having witnesses around had never stopped the other from smacking into him before.  “How many times have I told you, Theta? You refer to me as  _ Master _ .” 

Despite the eyes that had turned to watch the scene, David kept his cool.  He didn’t so much as reach up to wipe the blood from his split lip; he only hissed back, “My name isn’t Theta, and you  _ know  _ it.” 

“Your name is whatever I decide,  _ pet _ .  And you’d do well to remember that.  Unless you want me to go play with your new toy for a while instead.” 

Emotion seeped through the cracks, and it made the newcomer smirk in triumph.  David’s hands clenched so tightly, his knuckles went white. “Don’t you _ ever  _ put your disgusting hands on him, Koschei.  I  _ mean  _ it.” 

“Or what?  You gonna flip out again?” Koschei smirked.  He leant in so close, his breath billowed against the shell of David’s ear.  “I can get you sent straight back to the crazy hospital if you pull  _ that  _ little stunt again.  Remember that.” 

“You never did;  _ Donna  _ was responsible for that,” David hissed.

“You think so?   _ I  _ was the one pulling the strings.  How would she have ever known to call an ambulance otherwise?” 

“You’re sick.  It’s why I wanted to leave you, and I’m  _ glad  _ whatever you did got me to sent to that hospital because it got me  _ away  _ from you.” 

The chuckle that escaped Koschei’s lips now was enough to send shudders of disgust down David’s spine.  He leant in close and brushed his lips against the younger’s forehead. “You think so? That’s where you’re  _ wrong _ , Theta.  You’re still mine, and so is your new toy by proxy.” 

“I won’t  _ ever  _ let you touch him and do the things you did to  _ me _ to him, too,” David snarled.  “Now  _ leave _ , Koschei.” 

“It’s not nice to ignore people.” 

Koschei turned around to see who had spoken from behind him.  His smirk widened as his eyes drank in Matt, dancing over the younger’s thin, lanky frame that told him, while still heavier built than David was, he’d still be as easily overpowered by Koschei’s muscular form as David was.  “Are you talking to me, pet?” 

“Yes, and I ask you nicely to take your hands off him only once.” Matt’s body didn’t give off an aggressive stance, not even a defensive, wary one.  He looked as relaxed as he always was, but it was only the stern tone he spoke in that showed he wasn’t happy. 

“What happens if I don’t?” Koschei reached out to grab at Matt, but before his hand could get even halfway to the younger’s body, Matt’s own hand had shot out and grabbed his wrist in a grip so tight, it made the blond wince.  “Let go of me, you stupid –“

“-It isn’t very smart to upset me.” Matt let go of the other’s wrist.  “I don’t like it when people try to make me feel threatened. I especially hate it when they hurt who I care about.  If you have any sense of self-preservation, you will go. You aren’t the first person to raise their hand to me, but you should ask yourself…  What happened to the others who did it first?” 

Koschei’s eyes flickered between the two for several seconds, ready to retort, but he thought better of that when he saw security hurrying through the food court.  He let out a growl and turned back to the younger two. “This isn’t finished. Don’t forget that I know where you live.” 

David was unaffected by the words.  He turned his attention to his food, and though he was no longer hungry, he ate again, hoping it would be enough to distract him.

“You’re bleeding…” That anger, that near-feral atmosphere that had wrapped itself around Matt like a bad smell had vanished now, and his eyes were as soft as they usually were as he reached out with his napkin to wipe at the blood on his lover’s chin.  

David turned his head to the side and instinctively reached out to push the other’s hand away.  He shook his head. “No… I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Finish your lunch.” 

Matt knew when someone didn’t want to talk to him.  He knew, and though he might not always honour their wishes to be left alone, he knew his battles; David would talk to him again later, but for now, he needed to be alone with his thoughts. 

Matt said nothing as he picked his fork up and twirled it around his noodle strands.  He wasn’t going to take the stranger’s threat lightly, but if the blond wanted to play that game, well…  Matt would run from a lot in his life, but he’d never run from something more than he did himself. 

If the blond ever came back, he’d want to hope that Matt wasn’t around when he did so.  

 

* * *

 

David had been lightly dozing when the sound of his phone’s alarm snapped him back into reality.  With overwhelming grogginess, he rolled onto his side to turn the alarm off and then force himself off the bed.  He heard Matt shift on the mattress behind him, so he called over his shoulder, “Medication time, Matt… Have you got your water bottle…?” 

Matt put his new book down on his lap.  He reached onto his bedside drawer and picked up his plastic water bottle, shaking it to see how much was left.  He sat up. “I gotta refill it. Where’s yours?” 

David pointed to his own, on his drawer.  While Matt went about filling them both up, he sat down at the desk and organized their many medicines.  Neither of them complained as they took the medicines; they both knew David just wasn’t in the mood. 

“I’m just going to put pyjamas on,” David mumbled.  

Matt got back into the bed.  He picked his book up and allowed himself to be immersed in the words as his lover shuffled around.  He didn’t look up when he felt the older male get into the bed, and when he was pulled against the other’s chest, he adjusted himself to rest comfortably against David without breaking eye contact with the pages.  

Everything was as they always were at night.  David’s breathing was by Matt’s ear as he tried to go back to sleep, and Matt stayed quiet aside from his turning of the pages.  The nightly sounds he still hated were outside, but he could ignore them for now; once he’d turn the lamp and close his eyes, it would be a different story.  

But then, their nightly routine was altered, and Matt was taken by surprise at David’s voice, muffled by his hair from where David’s face rested against his temple.  

“Who hit you…?” 

Matt didn’t understand.  He put his book down. “What do you mean?” 

“You told Koschei someone has hit you before…” The exhaustion was still clear in David’s voice, but he otherwise seemed wide awake as he almost dug his fingers into the younger’s body in distress.  “Who used to hit you?” 

“The foster family I was with after my parents died.” He put his book onto the bedside table and turned the lamp off so he could roll onto his side and nestle in against David in his usual position beneath the older male’s chin.  “They used to hit me a lot. They always yelled at me, too. Amy once said they treated me like I was their slave.” 

“You’re  _ not  _ a slave,” David promised.  “I can’t make things right for you back then…  But I can make them good for you now. You  _ never  _ have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Matt shook his head.  “I like helping you with your chores, Ten.  I like just  _ being  _ with you.”

David raised his hand up to thread his fingers through the younger’s hair.  He took a deep breath. “I used to be abused by my foster families, too… I understand…” 

“Is that why you let blondie hit you?  Because you’re used to it?” 

“…In a way…” He sighed.  “I… I guess I just gave up fighting against him, mostly.  When I was younger, I dealt with my fosters’ abuse by just taking it as silently as I could and then running away.  It got to the point where, whenever they’d put me with a new family, I’d run away before they could even  _ look  _ at me.  I did that… all the way until I was eighteen…  If you’re anything like I am, you’re probably never going to forget how living like that made you feel…  Depressed and lonely and  _ scared _ …  But I  _ promise  _ you, you never have to go through that again with me.” 

Matt snuggled closer.  He nodded. “How did you meet that guy?”

“We grew up together.  We were very close in school.  Best friends…” David sighed. He put one hand on the back of Matt’s head and held him closer.  “…I guess as we grew older, he just… I don’t know. His nasty side took over, I guess. …And I was foolish enough to think that I could save him…”

Matt lifted his head to look at his lover’s face.  “What do you mean?” 

“I thought that if I finally gave in to his advances, it might calm him down – he’d let me  _ help  _ him.  …But it just made him worse…  So much worse… He thought he owned me, and he acted as if he did.” 

“He’d hit you.” The younger’s body tensed with anger.

David nodded.  “That. Among other things.  When I told you I’d only been with another man once…?  I’m sorry; I wasn’t entirely truthful to you then… I’d only been with the  _ one  _ man… Koschei…  But it was more than once, regardless if I had wanted it or not…”

Matt fell silent as he pondered the words.  His hands moved to fidget with the hem of his pyjama shirt before he murmured, “But you  _ do  _ love me…  Right…?” 

“Yes,” David promised.  “I was honest when I told you I love the  _ person _ and not the gender.” 

The younger nodded.  “I heard him say he was the one who got you hospitalized…  Is that true?” 

“I wouldn’t know.  I always thought it was Donna – that she’d just happened to have come around to check on me in the right moment.  …Now that I’m thinking about it, he had it all planned out... He’d been at my house earlier, playing his usual mind games with me, telling me how he’d been cheating on me and showed me a video of him… doing exactly what he’d claimed…  I was upset. Very upset. And you know what he said to me about it…?” 

Matt flinched at the broken tone he was suddenly presented with.  He took one of David’s hands in his and squeezed. “What…?”

“…” He took a deep breath.  “…He said I may as well just kill myself because no is ever going to want or love me…  And after more of his abuse… His mind games… I tried…” 

Matt closed his eyes.  He shook his head. “When we first met… Nine told me he thought you were there because you’d tried to commit suicide…  Because of your arms…” 

“I had, but those cuts down my arms weren’t from that day; they were from…” David’s eyebrows creased in anger.  “…They weren’t from that day…” 

“It’s okay that you hurt yourself,” Matt promised.  “Nine told me it’s okay to tell you, but he put himself in the hospital because he knew he’d do the same thing if he didn’t get himself any help…  He watched his girlfriend and her family get murdered, and when he tried to stop them…”

David winced as Matt rubbed tenderly at his collarbone, in the same area Chris had that giant scar; he’d known…  “…”

“They attacked him next…” Matt pushed himself up along the bed so he could kiss David’s lips.  “Are you tired? You should go to sleep; I’m going to read more of my new book.” 

David nodded.  He was glad Matt understood when enough was enough and didn’t pressure for more.  “Goodnight, Matt…”

“Goodnight.” 

Sleep didn’t come easy for David, but eventually he passed out to the sounds of Matt’s soft breathing and pages turning.  His dreams weren’t pleasant, though. Not that they ever were, but somehow, tonight’s were worse than they had been in a long time.   


	12. Chapter 12

It was the unnerving silence that had woken David from his sleep.  He was used to quiet as he’d lived alone for a very long time, but the fact that there were  _ three  _ people in the house now… 

Well, it shouldn’t be so silent.

He pushed the blankets from his body so he could sit up in his bed and look around.  The sun was shining in through the parted curtains and the window open, letting in a cool breeze that had a hand in melting the last of the snow.  The clock glared at him, throwing 1:04PM in his face as if to taunt him that he was pathetic enough to fall back into his habits of sleeping his life away instead of looking after Matt.

David shook his head.  Matt didn’t need looking after.  He was a grown adult; not a toddler, and he didn’t  _ need  _ to be babysat.  

But even so…  It was nice to have Matt by his side and know that he was safe and happy and  _ cared for _ .  

“Matt…?” His voice sounded pathetic to his own ears as he swung his legs off the edge of the bed and got up to search for his lover.  “Donna…?” 

Donna had taken extra time off work just to keep the two company until she was certain David wasn’t going to try and kill himself again, so it didn’t make sense that she would just up and disappear, too…  Unless she’d taken Matt into town with her for whatever reason. 

He grabbed his phone from under his pillow and dialed Donna’s number.  He felt agitated as he waited out the dial tone, and finally, once his call was answered, he let out a sigh of relief.  “Donna… Is Matt with you?” 

“Yeah, we’re out with the horses; we won’t be long.” 

The heaviness dropped from his shoulders now; everything was okay…  “Alright. I’ll make a start on lunch.”

Donna didn’t respond easily; whatever had happened between her and Matt had her laughing so hard, she could barely form a coherent sentence.  She eventually ended the call, still laughing as she did so, and David couldn’t help but grip his phone tight as frustration burrowed itself deep into his core.  

It was a good thing that Matt and Donna were getting along so well, wasn’t it?  Of course it was; David would never have settled for it any other way. …So why was it hurting him to know they were getting along  _ too  _ well if it meant abandoning him for each other…?  

“Stop it,” he told himself as he threw his phone onto the bed harder than he had intended.  “You’re being stupid, David… Very,  _ very  _ stupid.” 

He was, wasn’t he?  Matt didn’t have interest in females and Donna would never try and take from David like that.  …Right? 

He was insecure.  Something he had been his entire life and still he couldn’t escape it.  He wasn’t much, he knew. He was  _ pathetic _ .  He couldn’t blame Matt or Donna if they decided to go with each other instead; he’d understand.  It would hurt. Hurt like nothing he’d never felt before. But he’d understand if that was how it ended.  

“Stop.” 

He  _ needed _ to.  He was getting into that dangerous territory now, the one where he knew if he didn’t force his mind to think about something else, he’d undergo another breakdown.  

He picked his phone up.  He didn’t know what he had hoped to accomplish by grabbing it again as no one ever called or messaged him aside from Donna, but he supposed it was just the security that came with knowing he was still  _ alive  _ if he could touch.  

It was the soft vibration in his palm that had dragged David from his darkening thoughts.  He looked down; what did Donna need now? Was everything okay? Or did she just want to rub it in his face that she was enjoying Matt more than – 

No.  He needed to  _ stop _ .  Just.   _ Stop _ .  He turned his phone upward to look at her message, and whatever he had braced himself for became obsolete as he realized that the unknown number on his phone certainly wasn’t from Donna.  He opened the message.

_ Can’t wait to see you again _ .  _  I’ll be there soon.   _

He threw the phone against the wall at that.  He didn’t care if he’d broken it; he only knew that his feet were carrying him from his bedroom to the living room instead.  

He tossed himself carelessly onto the couch to glare at the TV, curled into a ball as he tried his damned hardest to shut his mind off, but it was useless; his brain was screaming, screaming,  _ screaming _ , and he knew nothing he could do would stop it.  

He almost welcomed Koschei’s visit now; with Matt and Donna out of the way, Koschei could take that knife he’d been dancing over David’s throat and just…  

He flinched.  It hadn’t just been Koschei guilty of playing with the knives.  He’d played his part, and he probably wasn’t the only one scarred from a stab wound as he remembered so vividly the way he’d thrust that knife into the other’s hip to get him away.  

Perhaps, with a bit of luck, Koschei could be here before Donna and Matt returned and get the job finished.  As if the gods had answered his plea, he saw an unfamiliar car pulling up behind his own, and he let out a sigh he wasn’t entirely convinced was partial resignation.  

“He’d better make this quick…” He got up to greet the other at the car.  Maybe if Koschei was feeling generous, he’d kill him then and there in the dirt – less mess for everyone else to clean up afterwards.  His bare feet padded against the hardwood floor quietly until he had left the front door open in his wake and treaded the verandah with an eagerness he acknowledged wasn’t normal at all.  He kicked dust up as he walked through the dirt, not caring in the least for the stones that pricked his feet. “You happy now? You’re getting what you wanted. Just make it quick!” 

“Make what quick?” 

David’s body slumped in defeat at the head of black hair that had poked up from over the SUV’s roof.  He closed his eyes, not understanding why tears were threatening to fall; was he so desperate to die that it was easier to think someone was here to do it for him rather than to know he had to  _ live _ ?  “…Jack…” 

The newcomer frowned.  He kicked the car door closed and hurried to his friend’s side.  He put his hand on the other’s shoulder as he tried to straighten David.  “Hey… What happened? Are you okay?” 

David shook his head.  He wiped at his damp eyes as he leant into arms he knew well but so very rarely allowed himself to utilize.  “Rough day, Jack… Koschei messaged me earlier…”

Jack stiffened.  He tightened his hold on the younger now, and if he were a cat, his fur would have bristled; he knew the story behind David and Koschei, and for years now he’d been trying to get his hands on the elusive blond and bring justice to everything done to his friend.  “What did he say…?” 

“That he was going to be here soon and see me again…”

Almost immediately, Jack’s body went lax, and he tried so hard to stifle his laughter.  He laughed even harder at the annoyed gaze he was presented with before he finally got out, “ _ I  _ sent that message.  I didn’t think about it very well; I’d only just changed my phone number so I didn’t think about it showing up with my name.  You’ve been stressing for nothing again, haven’t you?” 

David looked away to glare angrily into the distance, as if the bushland in the distance was the immediate cause of all his problems.  “…” 

Jack laughed even harder at this.  He squeezed the thin body tightly before he used his solid weight to nudge the younger into going back inside.  “So, where’s this boyfriend of yours Donna told me about?” 

“ _ That’s  _ how you knew I was home.” David wasn’t mad; Jack  _ was  _ a good friend of his – he just…  Sometimes the older male flirted  _ too  _ much.   

“Well, when she said you have a cute boyfriend now, I just  _ had  _ to come and see him.”

“Donna thinks he’s cute?” David stopped walking again as panic set in; was he right in his assumption that Donna might have an interest in Matt…?

Jack waved a dismissive hand.  “I don’t think she meant  _ cute  _ cute as in she wanted to run off with him behind your back.  I think she just finds his behavior cute. You know, I’ve never met  _ anyone  _ who worries as much as you do.  You  _ know  _ she’d never touch your partner.  Relax for once, will you?” 

David knew the other was right.  He knew he was being unreasonable and unfair on himself and everyone else.  He trusted Donna. He trusted  _ Matt _ , and if he should be worried about anyone, it should be Matt for blurring boundaries and unintentionally stepping out of line.  “Sorry…”

“And stop apologizing!  You aren’t to blame for every little thing that’s gone wrong with your life!  People were shitty to  _ you _ ; you did  _ nothing  _ to deserve that!  So loosen up and enjoy life while you can because you don’t have forever, David.  Yesterday’s gone, and you might not get a tomorrow.” Jack sighed. He hated being stern with the younger, but sometimes it was a necessity.  “Now. I need some beers. Have you got anything?”

“There’s some wine in the fridge.” 

“That’ll have to do; it’s been a long day already.” Jack pulled away from the younger to step into the house and lead the way to the living room.  He plopped himself down on the couch and kicked his feet up onto the coffee table while David went into the kitchen to get the wine. He spoke louder so that his friend could hear him through the walls.  “Torchwood is going to be the death of me, I swear.” 

“Have you ever thought of taking a day or two off?” The clunking of glasses could be heard from the kitchen.  “You could use it; you’re never home anymore. I haven’t had anyone to drink with for a long time now.” 

“Nah, they need me there.  But you know, if you’d asked me, I could have easily made time to spend with you.” 

David entered the living room now, a bottle of wine in the crook of his arm and four wine glasses hanging haphazardly from his slender fingers.  “This weekend? Donna will be going home again soon; it’d be nice to have someone around for Matt. He doesn’t like being alone, and I…” 

Jack’s expression softened as he reached for a glass.  “You can’t give him the company he needs, can you?”

The younger shook his head.  “It’s been great with Donna here; he stays with her while I sleep.  I’m just… worried he might not be as happy when she goes home…” 

“You can’t rely on everyone else to keep him happy.  We all understand you struggle, but you can’t expect everyone to drop their lives to help you out.  I’d be more than happy to do what I can for the both of you, but I’m not a miracle worker  _ or  _ a babysitter.  I’m sorry… But you can’t ask that of me.” 

David looked to his lap.  His hands clenched as he tried to convey his thoughts.  “…I know that he is not a child… He can look after himself; he just needs… help…  But I worry about him… So much… I just want him to be happy…” 

“From what Donna’s told me, he  _ is  _ happy,” Jack promised.  “You can’t be with him twenty-four-seven and you  _ know  _ that.  Just relax, stop stressing out, and remember that you need to look after  _ yourself  _ before anyone else.  You said it yourself; Matt is a big boy and doesn’t need his hand held.  I’m sure he can keep himself happy and occupied when you aren’t around – and just think; when you go back to work… you’re going to  _ have  _ to let him be by himself.  Start learning how to let him go  _ now  _ before it becomes such a problem, you can’t even work because of it.” 

Jack was right, and as much as David wanted to accept that and sit with it, he couldn’t.  The younger opened his mouth to reply, but he shut it again when Jack continued.

“They’re coming back now.” Jack smirked.  “Donna was right; he  _ is  _ pretty cute.” 

David sneered as he kicked the older male.  “Keep your hands off him. I  _ mean  _ it.” 

Jack gave a loud laugh.  “Yep, you’re back to your usual cranky self.  You’re normal. I won’t touch, but I’m still going to look.” 

David’s glare darkened, but he said nothing; he knew nothing he could say would stop his friend from undressing Matt in his mind.  He sat up to look out the window, seeing that the horses were indeed being cantered to the house. He stood. “And don’t  _ say  _ anything to him, either; I don’t know if he’ll understand you’re off-limits.” 

“I’ll be good.” Jack waved a dismissive hand.  “Seriously. Stop  _ worrying _ .” 

David sighed.  He left the living room and went outside to see Donna and Matt were unsaddling the horses.  He moved to Matt’s side to hold the younger in his arms. “My friend is here, Matt. …What did you do to your chin?” 

David rubbed at the scraped flesh with his thumb gently.  Matt laughed and leant into the touch. “I fell off the horse.”

“He thought it was a good idea to stand on the horse’s back and try to climb a tree, but the horse moved.”  Donna snorted. 

“Hey, don’t say it like that; you make me look silly.” A pout crossed Matt’s face, and David couldn’t help but chuckle and kiss his forehead.

“Come on inside.  Leave the saddle blankets on them; they’re okay to wander around out here.  I’ll put them away soon.” 

Matt cuddled in close to David as he was taken back into the house.  When they entered the living room, he stopped and smiled at the stranger on the chair.  He moved back slightly, getting more into David’s arms as he turned his head to the side to break eye contact.  

David noticed the unusual behavior.  He hummed as he tilted his lover’s head back to kiss the tip of his nose.  “Are you okay? You’re not usually shy about meeting new people.” 

“He isn’t new…” Matt whispered.  He glanced at Jack warily before he continued.  “Amy and Rory had a fight and broke up, back before I went to the hospital.  She dated Jack for a little while… I don’t like him…” 

“He’s harmless,” David promised.  “He won’t hurt you.” 

Matt shook his head.  He avoided looking anywhere in Jack’s general direction.  “He makes me nervous…”

David held the younger’s face against his chest as he looked at Jack.  He wasn’t mad; just hurt that he felt as if he had to choose between his good friend and his boyfriend.  “What did you do to him? He says he knows you.” 

“I don’t remember  _ him, _ ” Jack swore.  “Honest. You know I remember faces of the people I – wait.  Weren’t you the one who was living with that redhead?” 

Matt nodded.  “…” 

Jack choked on a laugh.  He gave a sideways glance to Donna before he gestured for David to come closer.  Once they were standing together, he leant up and whispered into the younger’s ear.  “It’s because he thought I was hurting the girl when we were sleeping together. I haven’t done anything to him; I swear.” 

David let out a sigh of relief.  “You’re lucky. I’d have castrated you if you had.” 

Jack knew it wasn’t an empty threat; as gentle and caring as David was, he housed a dark side that wasn’t above resorting to whatever he had to do to protect someone, even if it meant violence – or worse.  He smiled, hoping it would be enough to reassure his friend that stress wasn’t required in this moment. “I know.” 

It seemed to have worked; David’s shoulders relaxed just that tiny bit, and with a bit of coaxing, he’d gotten Matt to sit on the couch next to Jack while David went about pouring everyone their drinks.  Matt didn’t seem entirely happy about the proximity, but ever the polite young man he was, he gave shy smiles and tried to pretend the other didn’t exist as he continuously tried to take mouthfuls of his wine but only ever spat it straight back into the glass, unable to stand the bitter taste.  

But finally, however well-mannered and outgoing Matt was, by the time the oldest three got drunk on the alcohol Jack had gone to buy and bring back to David’s, he disappeared into their bedroom, unable to continue being around the noise their drunken antics were creating.  

It wasn’t late; it was still so early in the afternoon and by now he’d have grabbed his blanket and curled up on the couch with his sketch book and some pencils to start winding down for the night, but he couldn’t do that; not with Jack’s loud voice echoing through his skull and making his nerves frazzle even further.  

He considered turning the bedroom telly on and watching a movie, but he found himself too emotionally drained to want to go through the effort of turning it on and then picking out a DVD, so he just pulled the blankets back and crawled onto the mattress.  He licked his lips when he found that David’s side of the bed was still a tad warm from where he’d been sleeping earlier, so he curled into a ball on top of the warmth, relaxing slowly from the comfort it gave him. 

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but having missed his nap earlier to go into town with Donna and help her with her shopping really  _ had  _ taken a lot out of him, and almost as quickly as he’d let his eyes flutter closed, he was gone.  

 

* * *

 

David smelled heavily of alcohol and sexual desire when he climbed into bed late that night.  Matt was still awake, laying beneath the blankets and staring out of the window into the darkness beyond.  He pulled the younger into his arms and kissed Matt’s forehead. “Not reading tonight?” 

“Not in the mood…” Matt snuggled closer.  “You’re up late… It’s almost midnight…” 

David sighed.  He nuzzled his nose against his lover’s cheek.  “Sorry… I guess we got carried away… Have you taken your medication?” 

“No…” 

David flinched.  He should have been there for the younger and made sure he stuck to his schedule, but he had completely forgotten.  He almost got up to get them for Matt, but then he realized; would taking them now be too late? He’d once been on a same medication that Matt was, and if he’d taken the Mirtazapine too late at night, he wouldn’t be able to wake up until well past lunchtime.  

“Let’s not worry about it tonight.  Just sleep.” 

Matt wasn’t sure he’d be able to get to sleep without his medicine, but he wasn’t going to argue.  Instead, he sniffed and murmured, “You smell like sex…”

David cleared his throat.  “I’ve been… thinking about you… is all…”  

Matt felt himself twitch in his pants.  He moved closer. Their lips connected for a few seconds before they pulled away.  “Thinking about me…?” 

David nodded.  He let out an embarrassed cough before he murmured, “I… get excited when I drink…” 

Matt’s hand trailed down his lover’s hip.  “Ten… I’ll need some help getting to sleep without my medicine~” 

David gasped with surprise as Matt leapt up and used his body weight to keep the older male pinned to the bed; it wasn’t often Matt took control as he preferred to submit rather than dominate.  

“I want to taste you.” 

A grin crossed David’s face now.  Matt  _ did  _ spend a huge amount of their time together with his mouth on  _ some  _ part of David’s body due to the other’s oral fixation, but when it came to  _ these  _ moments, it was the equivalent of getting a bath via tongue.  “Go for it.”

Matt’s hands worked quickly to shed them both of their clothing.  He kept their lips joined until he  _ had  _ to break away to lick down from the older male’s lips, past his neck, along his chest, and finally, to his stomach.  His hands wandered as his tongue worked, his fingertips caressing every inch of the other’s hips as he dipped his tongue into David’s bellybutton and swirled it around.  

David hummed in appreciation, but he still moved his left hand from his side to rest against the younger’s messy hair and push him downwards in encouragement.  “Please…” 

“I’m getting there,” Matt promised.  “Am I really that good with my mouth?” 

“You’re  _ too  _ good,” David breathed.  It was true; while only a handful of people had ever used their mouths on him, Matt’s skill with his tongue blew all competition out of the water.  He imagined it had to do with the other’s oral fixation, and it made him relieved that something good had come of his lover shoving everything he could into his mouth.  

“I don’t know about  _ that _ ,” Matt murmured against soft, pale skin.  “You just taste really good, Ten~” 

David groaned when he felt a warm hand rest in between his legs, Matt’s palm on the side of his arousal while he prodded the older male’s entrance with his index finger.  He tensed; after his experiences with Koschei, he’d thought he’d never allow another male on top of him – but Matt was different. Matt was gentle and sweet and  _ loving,  _ and though he so rarely wanted to be the one inside, whenever he was, he was so incredibly tender, David felt safe enough to allow it.  

“Can I…?” Matt’s breath was hot against David’s neck.  He brushed his lips against the soft flesh as he waited for a response, his hand never moving until he was given or denied permission.  

David nodded.  “Yes…”

Matt pressed his face against the older male’s throat.  He lowered his body to rest against the scrawnier one, and after lapping at David’s neck for a minute, he murmured, “What do you want me to do to you?” 

David flinched.  While Matt enjoyed dirty talk, it wasn’t something David enjoyed participating in.  He shook his head. “You know what I want…” 

Matt pressed his finger lightly against the entrance.  He nibbled at the other’s throat before whispering, “Which is…?” 

“…”

Matt shifted his body slightly as he felt his own arousal growing to rest against David’s.  “You want my fingers deep inside you, don’t you…? You want me to feel the inside of you… Caress you…  Love you…  _ Touch  _ you…” 

David nodded.  “Yes… Please… Please, do it…” 

Matt pulled his body away just enough to reach across to the bedside drawers and take the bottle of lube from amongst David’s mess of assorted items.  He licked his lips before he whispered, “We haven’t used the lube since I’ve been here and it’s already almost empty. Did you use it often before I came here?” 

David shook his head.  He groaned when a splash of cool liquid fell onto his stomach from where Matt was spilling the lube over his hands.  “You know I… don’t do  _ that  _ much…” 

“Oh, I know…” Matt murmured into David’s ear.  “You  _ never  _ did it at the hospital…  Only ever with me… But me…?  I need it every day.” 

The older male couldn’t help but chuckle.  It was no exaggeration; a day hadn’t passed by where his lover hadn’t had his hand in his pants.  “I know you do.”

“You should do it more.” Matt focused his attention on his hands, rubbing his fingers together to make sure they were adequately slicked.  “It helps me a lot.” 

“Oh, I’m  _ sure  _ it does.” David forced his body to relax at the intrusion of the first digit.  He took a deep breath. “You know, you could probably get away with cutting back on the self pleasure; how many times did you do it yesterday?” 

“Seven.” Matt’s facial features were so soft as he looked down at David with fondness in his eyes.  “I wanted to go for eight, but Donna made me get out of the shower.” 

David chuckled.  He shifted his body slightly onto his side to accommodate the second finger.  He loved how Matt still wanted to talk to him even in these moments; it really helped soothe his nerves.  “I’m glad she did; she might be the only reason we still had hot water for our own showers.” 

Matt moved his fingers in a scissoring motion to stretch his lover further.  “I’m not glad; I was looking forward to…  _ that _ .” 

“I’m confident you made up for it last night before bed.”

Matt grinned and gave an enthusiastic nod.  “Sure did. Did you like watching?” 

“I’d hardly…” he took a deep breath to calm himself as the third finger entered, “…I’d hardly call opening the door, glancing at you, and then walking straight back out counts as ‘watching’.” 

“Oh, it does.  And you can watch me any time you want~” 

“I’ll keep it in mind.  Let’s try and be quiet tonight; if Jack hears us, he’s going to try and join in.” 

“He’s still here?” 

“Finally passed out drunk.  Takes him long enough; holds his liquor like a bloody elephant.” 

“Would you have stayed with him all night if he hadn’t passed out?” There was worry in Matt’s voice now, and it made David tense; he should have known he wasn’t the only one insecure about himself and just how much he was loved in this relationship.  “…Or… Would you have come back to me eventually…?” 

David reached out to cup the younger’s face.  He shook his head. “If I’d known what time it was, I’d have taken the alcohol off him and made him go to sleep, Matt…  I didn’t realise it was so late or I’d have come back to you sooner. But Jack is a drunk who shouldn’t be unsupervised; that’s all it was.  I promise.” 

Matt nodded.  As he processed everything he’d been told, he pulled his fingers out and lined himself up.  “Tell me if it hurts.” 

It had to have been the alcohol numbing his senses because while Matt was hyposensitive and couldn’t feel as well as he should, David was the complete opposite and sensation could border on painful at times, but Matt entering him slowly felt like nothing more than a dull ache that wasn’t bothering him in the least.  

“Is it hurting?” 

“No.  You can move.” 

Matt hummed in response as he rocked his hips.  David turned his head to the side to nuzzle against the pillow.  The alcohol was working  _ too  _ well because it seemed to be numbing his pleasure, too.  He wasn’t going to tell Matt that, though; the younger would only think he was doing something wrong.  Instead, he gave a soft moan he didn’t mean but seemed to fool Matt as he gave his own moan in response. 

He felt terrible, knowing how hurt Matt would feel if he found out the other was faking his pleasure, but if he were lucky, he could get away with the excuse that they both knew David already had sexual dysfunction enough to struggle with climaxing – that would be easy enough to pass off when he…

“Matt…” David closed his eyes; he might not need to excuse it after all as the other’s calloused hand wrapped around his arousal and stroked in time with Matt’s slow thrusts. 

Matt groaned quietly.  “Ten… I…” 

It didn’t matter too much that Matt was stroking him because David still wasn’t feeling much pleasure.  He reached above his head to grip the bed railings, mimicking the way Matt would do so in desperation to keep himself grounded as he’d scream out his unbearable pleasure until he came.  

As much as David disliked being on the bottom, he was thankful for it tonight as Matt never could last long when he was in control.  His thrusts quickly became erratic until his movements were sloppy and his cries steadily grew louder until he couldn’t contain them any longer.

He almost screamed out his orgasm as he released deep inside David, and while he tried to catch his breath, he squeezed David’s arousal.  “You’re still… hard…” 

David leant up quickly to remove the younger’s hand from him when Matt tried to stroke him to completion.  He shook his head quickly. “No! No, it’s okay; I… I’m having difficulty again. You need sleep; it’s late and you should have been asleep at ten.” 

Matt was still breathing heavily as he allowed himself to be rolled onto his back.  He dragged his arm over his eyes as he heard David rustling around on the other side of the bed until he heard a water bottle uncap and then felt a damp cloth cleaning him up.  He cracked open an eyelid. “I’m tired…” 

“Go to sleep,” David murmured.  He tossed his dirty shirt onto the floor before he laid on his side and pulled Matt against him.  “Close your eyes and sleep.”

“They are closed…” The exhaustion was clear in Matt’s voice.  

“Good…” With his fingers threading through the younger’s hair, David closed his own eyes.  He wasn’t tired, but he knew the alcohol would have him passing out soon enough – the only problem was going to be getting Matt to sleep.

“…Ten…”

And just when David had been on the brink of sleep an hour later, Matt’s soft voice startled him.  He sighed. “What is it…?”

“I can’t sleep…” 

When David was kept awake until the brink of dawn when Matt  _ finally  _ fell asleep, he resolved himself to never let Matt slip again with his nightly medication lest it be another long night of trying  _ so hard  _ to get him to close his eyes and just. Stay.  _ Still _ .  


	13. Chapter 13

“You two have been sleeping for a long time.” 

David looked up from his cup of tea.  He frowned at Donna; he was still groggy from sleep, despite it being midday.  “I couldn’t get him to sleep. He kept us both up until sunrise. He’s still fast asleep.” 

“You aren’t going to wake him up?” Donna took a seat at the dining table.  She could see just how tired her friend was, and she couldn’t blame him; after the amount of liquor they’d consumed the night previous, she’d be surprised if he wasn’t feeling hungover.  

“No…  I need to go to my appointment in an hour.  His doctor will be here soon to check up on him; can you let them in if I’m still gone?”

Donna nodded.  “What will I do about Jack?  He’s still dead to the world.” 

“Just leave him.  He’ll wake up eventually.” David took one last sip of his tea before he stood up.  “I’m going to have a shower and then I’m leaving.” 

He didn’t stick around to talk; he’d gotten in the car and left as soon as he’d dressed after his shower.  He was really feeling the crash from last night, Donna knew. He didn’t often drink because he knew how bad it would make him feel, but he never could resist whenever Jack talked him into it.

She stood up from the table where she’d been contemplating over her own cup of tea since David had left.  She could hear Jack stirring from in the living room, groaning loudly as the hangover hit him hard. She left him to deal with it on his own (it’d teach him for drinking enough to get a small rave drunk) and went to David’s bedroom to check on Matt.  She’d never known him to sleep so late into the day; she always heard him up and about before the sun had even started rising. 

As expected, Matt was still fast asleep, hugging his pillow tightly as he nestled into the warmth David had left behind in his departure.  

“Matt…” Donna came to his side and shook his shoulder gently.  “Matt, wake up… Wake up…” 

Matt stirred, his semi-peaceful expression twisting into one of uneasiness.  His body tensed briefly before he let out a whimper and opened his eyes. His expression was fearful, and when he locked eyes with  Donna, he let out a small sob. “Don’t let them take me… I don’t want to go with them…” 

Donna sat on the edge of the bed.  She reached out to stroke the other’s hair.  “Who? It was just a dream, Matt.” 

Matt shook his head.  He crawled around so he could drop his head to Donna’s lap and hide his face against her thigh.  His voice was muffled by her clothing. “No, no, no; I don’t want to go… Please, don’t make me go…” 

Donna patted the younger’s back, not knowing what to say or do.  She pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed David’s number, holding the other as he whimpered and trembled on her lap.  

“Donna, I’m driving.” 

Donna sighed.  Into the receiver of her phone, she murmured, “There’s a problem.” 

David didn’t respond for several seconds, and when he did, the fear was clear in his voice.  “What’s wrong with him…?” 

“I don’t know; I woke him up to get him ready for the doctor and now he’s just…  He’s scared of something.” 

“I’ll come back home.”

“No!  No, you go to your appointment; I’m here with him,” Donna promised.  “Just… I don’t know what I should do. Has he been taking all his medication?”

“He missed it last night and this morning, but  _ no,  _ Donna, that wouldn’t be the reason,” David argued.  “He shouldn’t withdrawal like that so soon, so something has upset him.  What’s he saying?” 

“Something’s going to take him away.”  

“What’s going on in here?” 

Donna listened as David replied while she turned around to see Jack in the doorway of the bedroom.  She moved her phone from her mouth and whispered, “He isn’t doing well.” 

Despite the raging hangover echoing through his skull, Jack moved into the room to sit on the bed next to Donna.  He reached out, putting his hand on the youngest’s shoulder. “Hey, what’s wrong…?” 

Donna put her hand over the receiver to whisper again.  “David thinks he’s hallucinating again; he said it still happens even with the medication.  We’ll need to stay with him.” 

Jack winced at the pounding in his head.  “Give me a minute; my head is killing me…”

Donna would have scolded him, told him how it was his own damn fault he had a hangover, but she knew not to right now; the important thing was looking after Matt and making sure he was safe.  “I’ve got him for now, Jack.” 

Jack was gone within seconds, leaving Donna to suspect he was feeling worse than he was willing to let on.  She couldn’t care about that just yet though; the leg of her pants was getting wet, and then she heard the other’s quiet sobs.  

“Oh…  Matt…” Donna didn’t know what to say or do.  She knew David would, but he couldn’t afford to miss this appointment.  “Matt… Look at me…” 

“I didn’t mean to…” Matt’s  tears came harder. His fingers clutched at her shirt so tightly, his knuckles went white.  “I didn’t… mean to… Please… D-don’t hate me…” 

“Matt?” Donna tried grabbed his shoulders and tried to sit him up, but he refused to cooperate; he only wanted his face hidden.  “Matt, sit up for me. Please.” 

A scream erupted from Matt’s throat now, and Donna couldn’t help but jump at the unexpected outburst.  His body writhed, as if he were fighting off something only he could feel. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” 

Donna forced him to sit upright so she could hug him tight.  He struggled in her arms, but as bad as he was feeling, he couldn’t escape; he just dropped his face into her chest and continued to cry as soft murmurs left his lips, pleas and apologies that sounded so heartbroken, Donna wasn’t even sure she wanted to know what was going through his mind.  

“Mum…”

“Oh…”  Donna raised her hand to her mouth to bite at her fingernails.  Her eyes scanned his trembling form, and it broke her heart to see him look so much like a frightened child – perhaps, in his damaged mind, he  _ was _ .  “Oh, Matt…”

She grabbed her phone again.  She was glad David had made her save Amy’s number into it in case anything ever happened; it made it easy for her to call the younger woman and explain the situation once she’d answered.  

“And so now I don’t know what to do…” Donna sighed.  She cupped the younger’s cheek with her palm as she stared down at him.  “He’s just getting more upset by the minute.” 

Amy’s sad sigh came from the other end of the line.  “There’s nothing you  _ can  _ do for him; he’ll cry it out and go to sleep soon enough.” 

“He’s been asleep all day,” Donna explained.  She moved her hand to Matt’s forehead, and at the younger’s harsh temperature, she frowned.  “He’s running a temperature.”

“Don’t give him any medicine for that; just keep him hydrated and cool,” Amy instructed.  “I’m sorry; I won’t be able to come out today and be there for him.” 

“It’s okay; David will be back soon.  I’m here with him for now. I’ll call you if anything changes.” She ended the call and put her phone back in her pocket so she could take the blankets away and try to lay Matt down again.  He didn’t want to let go and instead resisted when Donna pushed down on his shoulders to keep him on his back. 

“No…!”  His tears came harder –  _ much  _ harder, as if being held down like this was something he’d experienced before.  She bit her lip; oh, god, she  _ hoped  _ not…  “No…! I said I was sorry…!” 

“Donna.”

She looked back to the doorway at Jack’s voice.  Her frown deepened at the look of pain on his face; she knew David had a habit of picking up people as damaged as  _ he  _ was and befriending them, but she hadn’t known Jack was one of the many ‘strays’ as he’d always seemed to friendly and cheerful. 

Donna slowly pulled away from Matt as Jack approached to take her place.  He climbed onto the bed and lay behind Matt, whispering and shushing soothingly as he ever-so-gently pulled the seemingly-fragile body into his arms to rock him.  

“Hey…  Shh… Shh…” Jack had always been good with broken people, Donna had come to learn over the years, and now, after seeing that tormented look in his eyes, she understood  _ why _ he and David had eventually become so close with each other – they probably understood each other better than they wanted anyone else to know.  “Come here… You’re safe… You’re safe…” 

As if he’d sensed the new presence beside him, Matt rolled over and snuggled in against Jack’s body, aching emotionally for the warmth of another’s body to help him feel safe again.  His sobs and shaking slowly died down until he was left hiccupping, with his right hand gripping tightly into Jack’s shirt as if to anchor himself to the other. 

“Donna, he needs water,” Jack murmured as he continued caressing the distressed male’s hair.  “I’ll stay with him.” 

Donna left, and now that they were alone, Jack turned Matt’s head towards the roof to get a better look at him.  Matt was asleep, hiccupping away, but most of the distress had left his face now, save for a few crease lines from where his expression was still a tad crinkled.  

Jack knew a tormented soul when he saw one.  He’d seen it in Matt when they’d met all those years ago, and he’d seen it again in the other the day previous, but from one smiling façade to another, some things were better left unmentioned.  

He remembered tiny bits of information from what the redheaded girl had told him, explaining that while Matt usually loved meeting new people, he struggled to warm up to strangers coming into his home.  There had been reasons mentioned, trauma brought up that at the time he knew he shouldn’t have been privy to unless Matt himself had told him. 

For the life of him, he couldn’t recall it now; when the relationship had ended, most of his memories of the time had eventually faded and for the first time in so long, he felt like an absolute ass for forgetting things so important.  

When Donna returned with the glass of water and gave it to him, he set it on the bedside table as he promised to keep Matt company until David returned home.   


	14. Chapter 14

Matt had slept for the rest of the day, and he would have stayed asleep had David not shaken him awake come nine-thirty to give him his medication.  He groaned quietly as tablets were pressed to his lips, followed by water; he was feeling so sick, he just wanted to go back to sleep.

“You’re shaking…” David’s eyes were full of concern as he dragged his hand down the trembling body beside him.  “Are you cold?” 

Matt felt pathetic as he gave a slight nod, but he didn’t have the energy to open his mouth and say anything.  He closed his eyes and snuggled closer when he felt the blankets tugged above his shoulders so he could be tucked in tight.

The light turned off and the mattress dipped as David’s weight returned to cuddle him close.  Matt felt his body pulled into thin arms to hold him against the chest he knew so well. Calloused fingers threaded through his hair in soothing patterns until eventually, David’s breathing had evened out and Matt was the only one left awake.  

He pulled himself out from the arms insistent on holding him close so he could sit up and swing his legs over the edge of the mattress so his bare feet could feel the chill of the hardwood beneath him.  He continued shaking as he made his way to their dresser so he could take his new hoodie and slide it over his body to try and warm him up. 

It didn’t work.  Maybe it was because he was so unused to feeling much more than a slight chill, but suddenly, he felt so cold, he wanted to cry.  He left the room, his feet padding silently along the floor until they’d carried him outside and far from the house. He didn’t know where he was going; he just knew that, with how sick he was feeling and with the knowledge that he was going to be taken away again, he wanted to leave.  He wanted to hide, to get away before the people in uniforms who had taken him away from his mother could come back for him and give him to more people who only wanted to hurt him. 

He stumbled and fell, more times than he could count in his ill state, cutting his feet open until the wounds were so deep, they were clogged with dirt and unable to bleed any further.  

He’d found himself in the woods somehow.  He wasn’t sure he’d meant to come this far, but now that he was here, it was as good a hiding place as any; there was so much room that if anyone came looking for him, he had ample spots to hide in.  

He hacked up phlegm as his irritated lungs made breathing difficult for him, but that was okay; he was in a nice little spot hidden behind a bush that stopped most of the breeze from blowing on him.  He laid down and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the way his nose was running so badly. 

He couldn’t get to sleep, though; not when he heard a stick snapping not far from his position.  He sat up and looked around; had they found him already? Was his hiding place inadequate after all?  

The footsteps got closer and closer until finally, Matt peeked out from behind the bushes.  When he locked eyes, he smiled; there was no uniforms tonight. “Hello~ My name’s Matt~” 

David woke up as the missing warmth from his side finally seeped into his subconsciousness.  He wasn’t alarmed at first; it was normal for Matt to wake up through the night and wander around for a bit, but when he didn’t come back to bed after what the alarm clock told him had been fifteen minutes, he became worried; Matt was usually back by now from whatever it was that he did.

“Matt?” His voice was soft, not wanting to wake his friends in the living room.  He threw the covers from over his body and left the bed, relieved that his socks were in his bedside drawers and his feet wouldn’t need to make contact with the freezing floorboards unprotected.  “Matt…” 

There was always the chance that David may have searched the house thoroughly before coming to the conclusion that Matt wasn’t in it, but he was saved the effort when he’d made his way towards the living room and come across the open front door.  He grit his teeth as panic overwhelmed him; Matt wouldn’t go outside so late at night. …Would he…? 

He almost woke Donna and Jack to help him search, but he’d decided against it; it wasn’t their problem that Matt had disappeared, and hopefully he wouldn’t be far away.  He’d hurried back to his bedroom to get his shoes and leave the house, but it seemed that no matter where he searched, Matt couldn’t be found; not in the stables, by the car – hell, he wasn’t even floating face-down in the pool.

So it left only one option…

He wasn’t sure he’d ever moved so fast in his life to get back inside and wake his friends with tears rolling down his cheeks as he shouted and screamed about how Matt had been abducted and Koschei  _ hadn’t  _ lied about coming back.  

“David, calm down!” Donna wasn’t far from slapping some sense into her friend, but with the hysteria he was in, it might ne needed.  “Don’t  _ stand  _ there blubbering like a baby if he’s missing!  Call the police!” 

“I’ll go out and look for him…” Jack muttered as he got to his feet.  He grabbed his coat from the back of the couch and swung it over his shoulders as he searched for his shoes.  

Donna was still trying to console David, promise him that Koschei hadn’t gotten into the house and taken Matt, but it wasn’t easy to do so when she was also on the phone to the emergency hotline, trying to explain that Matt had gone missing and they couldn’t find him.  

“Hey, David…?” 

It was the sickness in Jack’s voice that had the two of them freezing and looking in the direction of the front door.  They couldn’t see their friend because of the wall, but when he continued calling for them, David felt his stomach drop.  “Come here a sec, will you…?” 

David didn’t want to go.  He didn’t want to move, to see whatever had made his friend sick to his stomach – what if Koschei had cut off one of Matt’s fingers and left it on the doorstep as a message?  He was sick enough to do that… 

“ _ Go,  _ David,” Donna snapped a little more harshly than she had intended while trying to focus on what the operator was asking her.

He left, almost shaking at the thought of what it was he was about to see – but as soon as he’d stepped into the entrance hall and seen what had Jack so shaken, he let out a sob and lunged forward to take Matt into his arms and hold him tighter than he ever had.  “Matt…! Where have you  _ been _ …?!” 

“ _ Look  _ at him, David,” Jack urged.  

David did so.  He stepped back, his jaw dropping at the sight of Matt, his shirt missing and blood smeared all over his hands and torso.  His shoes were gone, too, and amongst all the mud and dirt clinging to them, David was certain he could make out more blood.  

But what struck him the most was the look of deep worry on Matt’s face.  Not fear, not pain – just pure concern, as if he’d been diagnosed with a horrible disease.  

“Matt…?” David reached out and took a bloodied hand into his own.  His thumb ran over the back of the slick skin as he whispered, “What happened?  Where are you hurt?” 

“Ten…” Matt’s whimper was very stressed, and it only confused David further when he was tugged out of the front door and to the stairs of the verandah.  “H-help…” 

“You’re not going  _ anywhere  _ on those feet,” Jack commanded as his eyes focused on the blood smears against the hardwood of the verandah.  “You’re having a bath and getting cleaned up.” 

Matt’s whimpers became louder, his tugging more frantic.  David understood the unspoken message. “Jack, pick him up and carry him; he’s trying to show us something.” 

Jack didn’t hesitate shrug his jacket from his shoulders and wrap it around Matt’s body instead.  He then scooped the younger up and carried him outside while David rushed back to get Donna, following the silent points of his finger Matt gave as their only guidance as to where they were supposed to go.  

They’d hastily followed the directions, the three of them trying to hurry to wherever it was Matt wanted them to go to so they could get him back inside the house as soon as possible; with how sick he was, wandering around out in the cold like this was only going to make him sicker.  

Finally, they found what had Matt so upset.  It was a baby fox, wrapped up in Matt’s pyjama shirt that had soaked through with blood.  It had been wrapped like a tourniquet, but as the group’s eyes travelled further over the animal, they found what had prompted Matt to leave it here and come back for help.   

Around its neck was a wire loop, embedded so deeply into its flesh, it was surely close to bleeding to death.  The end of the wire had tangled around one of its paws, leaving the leg useless as it was suspended in the air.  The fox looked as if it had been gnawing away at itself in distress as there was fur and flesh missing from various parts of its body, but what really shook them the most was how it appeared to be in so much pain, it could only lay there, its body jerking with each harsh breath it took in while its eyes wandered between them all, unable to do anything else.

David was the one to reach down and take the animal into his arms.  It was too weak to bother biting at him – a  _ very  _ worrying problem – but what he couldn’t begin to understand was why, when this poor thing had such limited time left, Matt chose to leave it behind in favour of bringing people  _ back  _ to  _ it  _ rather than bringing  _ it  _ to  _ them.  _

He wasn’t going to question it, though; he supposed it had to do with Matt being too ill to think things through clearly, and in his worry, he’d only done what he thought was the best thing.  

“Matt?” He turned around to look at his lover, holding the fox tightly in his arms.  He waited until Matt’s bleary eyes had focused on him before he murmured, “I’m going to get Donna to take him to a vet while we stay here.  Okay?” 

Matt protested.  He wanted to go with the fox, to make sure it was going to be okay and looked after, and he’d protested long and hard until they made it back to the house, but with the condition his feet were in and Jack refusing to put him down on those bloodied soles, he could only watch helplessly as Donna disappeared down the driveway with the fox on her passenger seat. 

Matt’s shoulders slumped as he sighed heavily.  His body was dripping with sweat from the weight of his fever, but he still felt the freezing cold.  He tugged Jack’s jacket tighter around his body before he wiped at his running nose. 

“Let’s get you into the bath…” David was relieved his lover wasn’t arguing anymore as Jack carried him into the bathroom; all that mattered was that he was placid beneath their touches, allowing them both to scrub him clean and tend to his feet before they took him back out and dried him and gave him cough syrup.  

He was tired, but there wasn’t going to be anymore sleep for him tonight – not until he found out how the fox was doing and he could be confident the people in uniforms weren’t going to come back for him again.  

Unfortunately, because he refused to go back to sleep, Jack and David were kept awake with him, despite how desperate they both were to get more shut-eye.  


	15. Chapter 15

David had hoped that, by the time Donna had returned home with the fox in her arms, asleep and sedated, Matt would also have finally gone back to sleep – but instead he lay in their bed with the fox in his arms, whispering to it as he’d tenderly drag his fingers through its fur and give it what comfort he could.

Though, David supposed as he tightened his tie around his neck, it was probably better Matt hadn’t gone to sleep because David still had to tell him he was starting a new job today.  

“Matt…?” David turned around from where he’d been looking at himself in the mirror.  “Matt, I’m not going to be home again until tonight; my employment agency’s made me take up a new job.” 

Matt looked crestfallen as his gaze dropped back to the fox.  His shoulders tensed, and David was sure he could see his lover’s bottom lip quivering.  “…What time will you come home…?” 

David looked at his wristwatch.  His heart sank to see that it was barely seven-thirty, and already he had to leave in the next five minutes to make it to work on time.  “…I’ll be home for dinner. Expect me at seven.”

Matt didn’t respond; he sighed softly and went back to stroking the fox.  

David smoothed out his suit before he turned around to face his partner.  “Donna and Jack are going to stay here with you, so if you need anything, they’ll look after you.” 

Matt nodded.  Finally, he voiced what was on his mind.  In a tone that was so heartbreakingly portraying of a child frightened out of its mind, he almost whispered, “But you’re going to come back…  Right…?” 

David’s eyes closed for several seconds before he opened them again and moved close enough to take Matt’s hand into both of his.  He caressed the soft flesh with his thumb as he stared into eyes he was sure were going to fill with tears any second now. “I  _ promise  _ I am coming back, Matt.  I have to go to work today, but I’ll call you when I can and check on you.  Okay?” 

Matt nodded.  He looked away and pulled the fox closer to him.  “…” 

David sighed.  He looked out of the window at the rain that was rolling down the glass and frowned.  It was such a miserable day today, and he couldn’t stay home for it. He kissed Matt’s forehead before he straightened up and murmured, “I have to leave now, Matt.  I promise you I’m going to call you soon. I love you.” 

Finally, Matt made eye contact.  His lips moved almost soundlessly as the ghost of a whisper escaped them.  “I love you, too…” 

David kissed his lover’s forehead again before he kissed the tip of his nose and then settled on his lips.  Their tongues danced together before they broke apart, and though they were both content to stay with their foreheads pressed together so they could stare into each other’s eyes, David was the one to pull away and murmur, “I have to go…  Try and get some rest; you’re still sick…” 

Matt remained silent as he was laid down and tucked in tight.  He kept the fox in his arms, and though his eyes wouldn’t close until he had watched David leave the room and he heard the car start and drive away, slowly, he drifted off into a restless sleep.

 

* * *

 

Matt hoped that David would stick to his promise of coming back by seven.  He’d upheld his other promises of calling him, dialing Donna’s phone four times throughout the day to talk to Matt, but even now, with just an hour to go before David was supposed to be home, he was worried. 

The minutes on the clock across from him counted down, but no matter how much time went by, David didn’t seem to be any closer to coming home.  He sighed heavily as he tugged at his blanket to wrap it tighter around his shoulders. He looked down at the sketchbook he was drawing in and found himself fascinated with the old police box he knew could be no other colour than blue for reasons he couldn’t comprehend.  

“What are you drawing?” 

He looked over his shoulder at Donna to see the woman leaning over to take notice of Matt’s sketchbook.  He tilted the book to show her. “A police box.” 

“May I look through it?” She accepted the book when it was handed to her.  She flicked through the pages, not understanding most of what she came across – perhaps David did, but she could only blink in confusion at the pages filled with police boxes and giant, circular rooms with what looked to be control bays in the middle.  She showed him the controls. “What is this?”

Matt gave a troubled frown.  He cocked his head to the side.  “…I… I think I  _ used  _ to know…  But not anymore.” 

“Why do you keep drawing it?” Donna gave the sketchbook back and watched as her friend slipped to a new page to start another drawing.  

“It feels… like something important.  Like I’m not supposed to forget.” He lowered his pencil to the page, this time starting a new sketch of the baby fox curled up in the corner of the living room, hiding beneath its bedding in the makeshift pen Jack had made for it earlier.  “I don’t know why. I keep feeling like there’s something really important I can’t remember…” 

Donna reached out to stroke his hair and murmur, “Is it really important if you can’t remember it, Matt?” 

Matt’s frown deepened.  He gingerly put his sketchpad on the coffee table in front of them so he could pull his knees to his chest and hug them tight.  “…There’s huge chunks of my life I can’t remember, Donna… Amy says it’s because I repress a lot of things…”

“You poor thing…” Donna’s fingers threaded soothingly through soft hair.  “You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you…?”

Matt looked back to his sketchbook, taking comfort in turning the pages back to the police box.  It soothed him, and as he replied, he kept his eyes trained onto the image. “I don’t like to talk about it…” 

“David doesn’t say much about his problems, either,” Donna assured.  “But sometimes he’ll talk to me about them because he can’t keep it bottled up any longer.  If you need to talk to someone, I’m here.” 

Matt shook his head.  “I don’t like to tell people…  Not even Amelia…” 

Donna didn’t mean to interrogate him; it just slipped from her mouth.  “Did someone hurt you?” 

An agitated sound escaped from Matt’s mouth now, and his voice raised as he exclaimed, “I  _ don’t  _ want to  _ talk  _ about it!” 

Donna raised her hands into the air in submission.  She bit back the retort she almost naturally spat out at him, but she controlled it; this wasn’t David where she could say whatever she wanted to him because they knew each other so well – this was someone she barely knew, already agitated and capable of acting in manners she was unaware of when upset.  She forced herself to speak slowly. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Matt.” 

Matt turned himself to the side so his back was to her.  He ignored the footsteps walking behind the couch that implied Jack had come back from washing the dishes in the kitchen and instead scratched his pencil through his sketchbook to distract himself.  

“Is everything alright?” 

Jack’s voice was quiet, Matt heard, but the disconcerted tone Donna responded with only increased his distress; she was upset because of  _ him,  _ because he was such a terrible person and it was no wonder no one loved him.  “I upset him, Jack; just give him some space.” 

Matt dropped his sketchbook and hugged his knees.  He dropped his forehead against them as he rocked himself slowly, his eyes closed and his mouth in a grimace as he fought against the rising volatility that was threatening to consume him.  

He couldn’t stay like that.  He had to get up, to leave and have his own space.  He stood.

“Hey, you’re not going anywhere on those feet; we’ve told you about that!” 

Matt scrunched his eyes shut and reached up to grip his hair at Jack’s scold.  He wasn’t a child, and he didn’t want to be  _ treated  _ as one…!  

_ Because, as much as you try and run from it, you remember, don’t you?   _

A whimper escaped his lips at his own thoughts.

“Matt!  Sit down and get off those feet.” 

He felt hands on his shoulders – Jack’s, he recognised – trying to get him back down onto the couch, but he shrugged them off with a growl before he ran to David’s room and locked the door behind him.  He curled up under the blankets, as if they were some sort of fortress he could escape under, but it never stopped; it never  _ did _ .  

 

* * *

 

“You look  _ exhausted _ .” 

David looked over his shoulder as he gingerly shut the front door.  His vision was bleary, and he was certain that from where Donna stood, she had a clear view of the way he tried desperately to blink the overwhelming sleep from his eyes.  “Tired… Goin’ to bed…”

“It’s six-forty-five,” Donna pointed out.  “Eat something first.”

“Not hungry…  Sleeping…” 

Donna followed him.  “I hope you have your bedroom key with you, because Matt locked himself in there just before.” 

David fumbled with his keychain to confirm he had the key to the lock Donna had bullied him into putting on his bedroom door rather than the original lock that couldn’t be opened from the outside.  He was certain she still had her own key to it, but that didn’t matter because in the here and now, he could unlock the door himself. “What’s wrong with him…?”

“I upset him and put him into a bad mood,” Donna admitted.  “He was very…  _ unstable _ , David…” 

David was tired.   _ Very  _ tired, and though he may have had patience for the conversation had he not just finished an almost twelve-hour shift, he didn’t tonight.  “Well, he  _ is  _ unstable, Donna, and if you’re going to keep upsetting him, I don’t want you around him anymore because  _ I’m  _ the one who has to deal with it!” 

Donna didn’t respond.  It wasn’t her friend talking; it was his own exhaustion and mental health issues that had just snapped at her.  She knew he didn’t mean what he had said and come tomorrow he would apologise in the subtlest manner he could think of; she just had to remain patient with him and respect that, especially after working so many hours of a job he hadn’t wanted in the first place, he was going to be grouchy.  

She stayed back and watched as he unlocked the bedroom door.  He disappeared inside, closing the door behind him for privacy.  He was surprised to find Matt already asleep; he was usually wide awake at this hour, but that worked out well for them both because, foregoing their medications and pyjamas, David crawled into bed, pulled Matt into his arms, and was out like a light for the rest of the night. 


	16. Chapter 16

It was starting to become commonplace for David to come home from work and find Matt had wandered off on his own again.  He’d been doing it for months now, and though David knew he shouldn’t be worried, every time he walked through his front door and failed to find his lover anywhere inside, he couldn’t help but panic as all the possibilities ran through his mind.  

David slammed the door of his car shut as his eyes locked onto the wide-open front door of his home.  He sighed; it seemed that no matter how many times he spoke to Matt about leaving it open like this, his boyfriend was never going to learn.  He briefly wondered if Amelia had had the same problem, but then again, he doubted it; from what he had been told, Matt had never gone past the front door unaccompanied.  

He supposed it was the safety Matt felt out here, being so far away from neighbours and passers-by that he felt comfortable enough to wander out without anyone to go with him, and though it was good that Matt was coming out of his shell, it was troublesome because if anything happened to Matt, there was no one around to help him.  

He didn’t bother to call for Matt when he got inside anymore; they’d each become accustomed to the other’s routine of deciding it was time to play videogames whenever David was due home, so if the living room was void of any life by the time David stepped into it, he knew Matt had gone out.  

David threw himself down onto the couch and sighed.  He was glad he always got to finish early on Sundays because with the amount of hours they made him work, he was finding it incredibly difficult to keep up with it all mentally.  

Just take a nap, he told himself as he lay down and turned the TV on – Matt will be back when he’s ready and had enough of the outdoors, after all; he just had to be patient.  

His eyes closed, and it was almost instantaneous when he fell fast asleep, sleeping all throughout the day and waking only long past dinnertime at the ringing of his phone.  He groggily answered it, his eyes barely cracked open in his exhaustion. “Hello, Jack…” 

The loud music in the background told David his friend was located at a bar.  “You know, you promised me you were going to come out with me and it hasn’t happened in months.  You going to come out with me tonight finally?” 

David groaned.  “Jack… I’m  _ tired _ …  You  _ know  _ that…”

“You need to do more than just sleep all the time,” Jack pointed out.  He mumbled something David couldn’t make out, probably to his boyfriend, before he continued.  “All you’ve been doing lately is working and sleeping. Come out and live life a little.” 

“I’m sleeping.  You’re with Ianto; you don’t need me.” 

There was a heavy sigh on the other end of the line before Jack replied.  “Alright, then. You go back to sleep. But we’ll take Matt with us instead.” 

“You’re  _ not  _ having a threesome with him,” David growled.  “Forget it.”

“We weren’t going to!” Jack argued back.  “We just thought it’d be good for him to get out of the house and spend time with someone for once – you work too much now to spend proper time with him.”

It was fair, David knew.  Jack held a  _ very  _ valid point, and he was just trying to be a good friend to Matt and help keep him company.  He sat up and dragged his hand over his face. “I’ll go and ask him…” 

He was surprised by the darkness engulfing his home; he hadn’t realised how long he had slept for until he couldn’t see anything past the glass that could probably use a good cleaning tomorrow.  Matt would be back by now, probably in the kitchen making dinner since it appeared to be  _ very  _ late by now and if Jack was calling from a bar, it probably  _ was _ .  

“Matt?  Are you in –“ 

On the other end of the line, Jack raised his eyebrow and looked at his boyfriend.  His expression fell grim, and in a strangled tone, he murmured, “Something’s wrong. I heard him drop his phone and he isn’t picking it up again.” 

From beside him, Ianto nodded firmly and stood.  “Let’s get going then.” 

 

* * *

 

David knew he should have cried, or panicked, or…  Or just done  _ something _ in reaction, but all he had been able to manage upon seeing his kitchen, splattered with blood and broken items all around, he’d only been able to stand and stare, taking nothing in except for what he was seeing.  He knew he should have been able to call the police, or gone on a desperate search for Matt, but he hadn’t been able to move; he could only stare until his front door had opened and the soft hands of Ianto had gently guided him from the kitchen and back to the couch while Jack had called the police.  

If he hadn’t slept all day, he would have noticed all this and been able to call the police when Matt was probably still  _ alive _ , but now, there was no telling how many hours it had been and with the amount of blood all through his kitchen, there probably wasn’t a great deal of chance he was still breathing.  

He could hear Jack and Ianto trying to talk to him, but he couldn’t take any of it in.  Even when the police arrived and asked him questions, all he could do was sit on his couch and fumble with his hands as he stared at his lap.  

“His boyfriend is missing,” Jack explained in his stead.  “The only explanation I can come up with is that the blood in the kitchen belongs to him because we’ve looked everywhere for Matt and we can’t find him.” 

“Forensics are in there now,” the officer explained.  “We’d really need to speak to David about –“

“-Well, he’s in shock,” Jack pointed out.  “He’s in shock, and the last thing he needs is to be interrogated over something he knows  _ nothing  _ about.  He’s worked all day; Matt would have been  _ long gone  _ since he got home.” 

“So why did it take so long for the blood to be reported?” 

“You’re saying  _ he  _ did this?” Jack was  _ livid _ ; if that bastard was implying what Jack  _ thought  _ he was, he…!  “My friend has major depression; he  _ sleeps  _ most of the time.  He finishes work, comes home, and goes to sleep.  Don’t you  _ ever  _ blame him for this.” 

“Jack.” Ianto put his hand on his lover’s arm.  He shook his head when Jack turned to look at him.  “Don’t.” 

The officer nodded as he scribbled in his notepad.  “So… How did  _ you  _ know to come here and report the blood?” 

When Jack sprung to his feet, Ianto grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to the couch.  “Jack,  _ don’t _ .” 

“You listen here…” Jack snarled, “…we had  _ nothing  _ to do with this.  Matt is our  _ friend  _ and we’d have  _ never  _ laid a  _ finger  _ on a hair on his  _ head _ .” 

While Jack continued ranting at the officer, Ianto turned his attention back to David.  The poor thing still hadn’t moved, as if the reality had yet to hit him. 

David was going to need someone to stay with him tonight, Ianto knew.  Someone to keep him safe and hold him through the nightmares and stress.  Jack wouldn’t mind doing that, Ianto knew – hell, Jack would be  _ ecstatic  _ to get into the same bed as David - but Ianto?  Ianto wasn’t sure.

“David...?” Ianto put his hand on David’s shoulder and shook him gently.  “David, are you there?” 

There was no time for a response because the group of officers that had been sent out on a search party to look for Matt had returned, with grim expressions on their faces.  “No sign of him, sir. Not on the property or in the woods. There’s no hint he went anywhere on foot.” 

Jack dropped his face into his hands.  “Then that means someone has  _ taken  _ him.” 

It was the loud cry of despair from next to them that had everyone jumping.  David let out another howl, as if he were screaming out his pain, but the tears never fell, and Jack knew  _ why _ ; forever the dreamer, David wanted to cling onto whatever frayed piece of rope offered to lead him to a Matt who was still  _ alive _ .  

He pulled David into his arms and held him tight, but while David was known for holding on to impossible dreams, Jack was the realist of the two, and something told him there wasn’t much hope for Matt.      


	17. Chapter 17

Matt knew as soon as his blindfold was ripped from his eyes that he was supposed to be afraid, but instead all he could feel was anger so strong, it threatened to send him into a frenzy any minute now.  His eyes were still trying to adjust to the sudden light, but he never forgot a face and when he saw that same blond from the food court all that time ago, he snarled and tried to lunge his body forward despite all his restraints.  

Koschei tutted him.  “You shouldn’t do that.  You’ve lost a lot of blood.” 

Matt’s eyes wandered over his abductor’s blood-soaked clothing.  His expression twisted through many emotions until it fixed on an unsettling neutrality as he said in a stoic manner, “Am I wrong to assume you have lost more than me?”  

Koschei sneered for a brief second before his fist swung so quickly, Matt didn’t see it coming until he felt it connect with the side of his eye socket, violent enough to snap his head to the side.  He laughed when Matt slowly turned his head to give him a one-eyed glare, the other closed and flickering. “How  _ dare  _ you talk to me without permission.” 

Matt remained silent, but not because of how he had been spoken to; he was feeling so sick from blood loss, he wasn’t sure he had the energy to spit back.  

Koschei knelt, and with mock tenderness, he cupped his victim’s cheek in his palm and murmured, “If you’re good, maybe I’ll bandage you up like I have myself.” 

Matt shook his head.  He cringed at the touch, despite not being able to feel it, and tried to scoot himself backwards along the floor to get away.  “Don’t  _ touch  _ me.” 

Another blow, this time in Matt’s jaw.  Blood gushed from his mouth and down his chin, and if Koschei wasn’t mistaken, he’d dislodged a tooth or two.  He smirked. “I’m sorry; I didn’t realise you’re the one giving the orders around here. Do you want to repeat that?  Not sure I understood the order,  _ sir _ .” 

“Don’t  _ touch me _ !” Matt screamed furiously.  His body writhed and jerked to get free, but with his wrists trapped firmly behind his back and his ankles tied together, he wasn’t sure how long it was going to take.  

Koschei chuckled as his hands undid the bindings.  He stepped back, prepared for when Matt was to throw himself at him and begin the assault – but to his surprise, it never came; Matt just sat there, his breathing harsh and his body shaking with anger.  But he never moved; he just glared in silence. “Oh? You were  _ so  _ big and tough a moment ago.  What’s the matter? Chickened out now that I gave you the opportunity?” 

Matt snarled to himself and through his heavy breathing that was enough to bring him to lightheaded, he growled, “I  _ am  _ a coward.  But I’d rather it any day than what  _ you  _ are.” 

“Hmm?”  Koschei leant forward until their faces were so close, their breathing mingled.  “And  _ what  _ am I?” 

Matt didn’t respond; he turned his head to the side.  “I will not fight you. You brought me here to do so but I won’t.  I’m not like you.” 

Koschei laughed at the fresh rivers of blood soaking through Matt’s clothing.  “It would be in your best interests to do exactly as I say if you value your life – but then again, with everything I’ve found out about you, perhaps I’m not the only one in this room who doesn’t deserve life.” 

“I am  _ not  _ like you,” Matt snarled.  His vision flickered as his blood pressure continued dropping.  “Don’t ever imply that I am.” 

“Oh?  But you  _ are _ .  You just don’t want to  _ remember  _ any of it.” Koschei moved his face so his tongue could flick against Matt’s earlobe.  He felt his victim shudder beneath his touch, so he continued on in a whisper. “They put you in that hospital because of things you  _ chose  _ to forget.  Don’t you remember any of it?  The things you did…”

“Stop it,” Matt snarled.  

“Imagine how different your life could have been had your parents not died…” 

A blurry image flashed through Matt’s mind.  He winced. “ _ Don’t _ .” 

“You’d be surprised how much information you can find on something with the internet.  It tells us  _ so  _ much.  Like how your father committed suicide in front of you.”

Matt’s breath caught in his throat as emotion he hadn’t felt in so many years crashed through him.  “…”

Koschei’s hands caressed over Matt’s shoulders, as if they were trying to comfort him yet at the same time, only sought to  _ hurt _ him.  “Your mother re-married an asshole who took to flogging you every chance he got.  She walked in on it one day, oblivious in her grief as to what was really happening.  She tried to stop it, and she got stabbed to death right in front of you, didn’t she?” 

Matt whimpered and choked on the overwhelming emotion he couldn’t contain in such a small body.  He let out a loud, strangled screech. 

Koschei’s whisper came again, and his fingers caressed Matt’s undamaged cheek as he dropped their foreheads together and whispered, “What did you do to him, Matt?  You know what you did. Tell me what you did.” 

Matt looked away and scrunched his eyes shut tight as echoes of past screams ravaged his mind.  His heart thumped painfully against his chest as anxiety bubbled in his stomach and he felt like he was going to throw up.  “…” 

Koschei sneered.  “You stabbed him right back, didn’t you, Matt?  For taking your mother away from you – the only thing in this world you had.  You  _ killed  _ him.   _ Murdered  _ him.” 

Matt’s shaking grew violent as tears streamed down his cheeks.  He kept his eyes scrunched tight as he whispered back in a quaking voice, “I-I didn’t mean to…”  

“But you  _ did _ , Matt.  You  _ did  _ murder him.  And the worst part?  You went on and continued the cycle.  No  _ wonder  _ you had to pretend to be someone else for so many years.  The foster family who would beat you black and blue every day?  You wanted to kill them, too, didn’t you? You wanted them to  _ suffer _ .  But then little Amelia Pond stumbles across you one day and sees what a mess you are.  I’m sure she regrets every day of her life convincing her aunty to take you on as a foster because what happened with that?  Amelia’s aunt abandons her – barely old enough to fend for herself, let alone with  _ you  _ to drag her down as well.”

“S-stop…” Was it from the blood loss?  Matt hoped so; he felt so weak, he fell onto his side and lay sprawled on the ground with no energy to move from such a pathetic position.  

Koschei’s laughter rang through the room.  “I’m not sure Amelia even _ likes  _ you; she just knew she was stuck with you and that it’d be easier for her to keep you happy.  She must have been so  _ miserable _ until she hospitalised you; how many times had you ruined her relationship with her husband?  How many times had they broken up because of  _ you  _ in the way?   _ He  _ never wanted you there, but he wanted  _ Amelia  _ – he just had to learn that to have Amelia, he was going to have to learn to put up with you, too.”

“Not… true…” The tears rolled harder as Matt recalled all the times Amy had indeed told him she and Rory had broken up – and now that he was thinking about it…  Koschei was right; it always  _ had  _ been over him…  

“Oh, but it  _ is _ .  And you know what the real kicker about it all is, Matt?  Had Amelia hospitalised you sooner, all those people on the bus would never have died because of you.  Amelia would never have had her  _ house  _ set on fire because of someone’s stupid delusions.  Amelia… would have been  _ happy _ .  And now that she could dump the responsibility of  _ you  _ onto  _ my  _ Theta, oh, I’m certain she’d have  _ jumped  _ at the opportunity.”

Matt whimpered as a hand tightened around his throat and the aura surrounding Koschei turned dark.  He choked as a finger tightened over his windpipe, and his hands scrabbled to get it off. “…” 

“But if you think…” Koschei hissed, deadly now in his threat, “…that I am going to let you hurt  _ my  _ Theta the way you hurt  _ everyone else _ , you are  _ dead  _ wrong.  Theta is  _ mine  _ to hurt and abuse, and once I’ve had my fun with you, they’ll  _ never  _ find your body.” 

Matt whimpered as he felt his pants being ripped from his body.  He struggled, but in his weakened state, he was powerless. He could only cry and scream as Koschei had his way with him, whispering to him and reminding him of everything in his past he had been happier blocking out, and by the time he was a naked, dirty mess on the cement floor, he supposed he was what Koschei had wanted; all Matt wanted in this moment was death.  


	18. Chapter 18

Matt moaned softly as his one good eye opened again.  His body gave a violent jerk at the pain that had woken him, but he knew there was nothing he could do; both of his legs had been broken, and even if they weren’t Koschei was on the other side of the room and would notice immediately if he tried to escape.  

His moan must have been what alerted Koschei to his awakening because he had turned around from the food he had been eating at the table and gave a sadistic grin to his victim.  “You didn’t sleep long.” 

Matt moaned again.  His lips twisted into a sneer and he growled, “Of course I didn’t; you’ve been  _ torturing  _ me.” 

Koschei grinned.  “ _ Perfect _ .  You up for round two already?”

His eye closed again, and he shook his head as he grimaced against his pain.  “Leave me alone… The police will find me soon enough – they’ll know it was  _ you  _ with all the blood you splattered everywhere!” 

“You see, that’s the good thing about backup plans…” Koschei twirled his fork in his hands for a few moments before he continued.  “Just because they can trace my blood back to me doesn’t mean they can  _ find  _ me if they don’t know where to look – and considering we’ve been here almost two months now, I think we’re in a pretty good hiding spot.  Well… That, or… No one cared enough to look for you in the  _ first  _ place.  I’m sure the latter is more likely; they’re probably just  _ glad  _ you’re gone.” 

Matt let out a sob.  He wanted to reach up and wipe his tears away but he knew that if he tried to do so, his broken arm would only cause him  _ more  _ pain to cope with.  

“What are you crying for?” Koschei scoffed at the sound of Matt’s sobs.  He stood and approached Matt until he was so close, his kick succeeded in connecting with the back of his victim’s head and leaving him motionless.  

Koschei nudged him with his shoe.  When there came no response, he aimed another kick, one that was forceful enough to roll Matt from his stomach to his back.  He scoffed again, turning around to leave so he could decide what to do with the body, but before he could get very far, a loud whimper followed by crying grabbed his attention.  He smirked as his attention went back to Matt.

“Are you calmed down now?” he mocked.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out the blade he always carried with him for Matt.  He dragged it across his abductee’s throat suggestively, but all it accomplished was pissing him off because it never seemed to elicit much reaction on Matt’s behalf – it was almost as if he  _ wanted  _ his throat cut…  “Tch… Have it your way then.” 

Matt let out a howl as he felt the blade pierce through his side and through his ribcage, digging around his bones and severing his insides.  He winced violently and tried to scoot away to escape it, but Koschei only followed, pulling the knife out and thrusting it between the next set of ribs.  He sneered. “Why won’t you do something, you freak? It wouldn’t be the first time, after all. Fucking  _ do  _ something, you slut.  Fight back!” 

Matt recoiled further, trying to escape the mental abuse, but no matter how hard he tried to keep his hands clapped over his ears to block it out, the injuries to his arms were too extensive to be able to hold them up there for long.  “…”

As he did every day, Koschei didn’t hold back on warping Matt’s mind as best he could.  “You mean to tell me you  _ like  _ everything I do to you?  That must mean you liked everything  _ else  _ everyone has done to you.  Did you like it when your stepfather abused you?  Did you like watching as he stabbed her to death? How many times was it?  Twenty-seven, right? You watched… And you  _ liked  _ it so much, you wanted to get in on the action, so you killed  _ him,  _ too.” 

Matt let out a scream, desperate for everything to stop.  “No…! No,  _ stop _ …!” 

Koschei dragged the knife across Matt’s throat again, leaving a trail of blood in his wake.  “You know what you might enjoy, then? Watching me with Theta. Maybe… Maybe I’ll keep you alive so you can watch what I do to him.  Once I get bored of you, he can watch as I kill you, slowly and  _ painfully _ .” 

“David…” The whimper from Matt’s lips was so quiet, Koschei didn’t hear what he had said.  Koschei leant in closer to listen. “David…” 

“What are you –“ Koschei let out a gasp of surprise as finally, for the first time since Matt’s abduction, his fist swung out and hit him in the face so hard, his vision went spotty and his skin felt wet and sticky with blood.  He was still trying to come to terms with what had happened when he felt the knife torn from his grip. He snarled. “Don’t you fuckin’ –“ 

Koschei’s eyes widened in horror as he watched the expression on Matt’s face change from pained and frightened, to  _ furious _ .  His eyes had narrowed and his sneer was so vibrant on his face, it was all Koschei could focus on as he felt his own blade rip through his stomach muscles.  He coughed up blood as he stood there, unable to do anything except focus on so much pain. 

Matt snarled as he pulled the knife out and thrust it in again.  His mind screamed at him, so much in his head that was driving him so crazy, he wanted to take the knife and cut down anyone and everyone he saw.  

But then, all the thoughts in his mind, the  _ voices  _ that screamed so much confliction at him…  Everything quietened. His mind fell silent, silent, nothing except for the dripping of the leaky faucet on the other side of the room to be heard.  

This wasn’t him.  Everything he had ever stood for – everything he had ever  _ run  _ from…  

“No…  No…” Matt dropped the knife to his feet as he grabbed his face and scaped his nails across it.  He sobbed loudly. “I didn’t… I… I’m  _ sorry _ …” 

He wasn’t supposed to be able to walk on such broken legs.  It was the reason Koschei had never bothered to shackle him back to the wall after he’d finished taking the hammer to them both.  But somehow, he had gotten to his feet, and despite the agony he was in, he dragged himself from the ramshackle house and out into the first snowfall since he had been taken from David.  

He didn’t look behind him; he didn’t want to see all the blood and gore he was leaving in the snow behind him, so he kept walking.  He pushed himself, staggering and falling more times than he could count until he’d rounded the corner and collided with a body in a thick snowsuit.  He moaned as his legs finally gave out for good and dropped him to the ground, and as a shrill scream echoed all around him, his consciousness finally faded until nothing was left.  


	19. Chapter 19

When David stepped into Matt’s hospital room, he realised he had been holding his breath.  It escaped from him as he found Amy, sitting at the top of Matt’s bed with his head in her lap as she stroked her fingers through his hair.  

“How is he…?” David fidgeted with his overcoat before he finally gathered up the courage to move further into the room.  He kept walking until he was close enough to reach out and ghost his fingertips against Matt’s cheek, paler than normal. 

Amy looked as if she’d only recently stopped crying.  Her lips were downturned into a frown so large, David knew her heart was shattered.  Her voice trembled as she replied. “He’s… sleeping… The nurses said he was severely sleep deprived…”

David cringed; when it came to Koschei, he could believe that…  “Oh, Matt… I’m so sorry…” 

“It’s not your fault this happened,” Amy promised, though her broken tone didn’t sound very convincing.  “That guy was a lunatic; you’re lucky he didn’t come after you, too…” 

David shook his head.  He dropped his face to his hands.  “Amelia… He was my  _ ex _ …  It’s  _ because  _ of me he went after Matt…  I should have left him with Jack…” 

“You didn’t…” Amy trailed off; what was she supposed to say?  David was torn up about it; he probably  _ couldn’t  _ listen to reason.  

“Jack told me he’d give Matt a job,” David explained.  “A job to keep him occupied for the days since I’m working so much now.  I told Jack I didn’t want Matt anywhere  _ near  _ Torchwood…  If I’d listened to Jack, Matt wouldn’t have been home for this to happen…” 

“You didn’t  _ know _ .” 

“I  _ should  _ have known.  I should have known, and I ignored it – I thought he was  _ bluffing _ …” 

“Yeah, well, you  _ didn’t,  _ and blaming yourself over it isn’t going to change anything,” Amy argued.  “The best thing you can do right now is to look after Matt and move on from it!” 

David stood up.  He leant across to brush hair from Matt’s temple and place a gentle kiss there before he straightened and murmured, “I’ll be back; I need to talk to Koschei…  Text me if he wakes.” 

David was surprised at how close the hospital was keeping Koschei to Matt’s room, but when he stepped inside and found his ex restrained to the bed, he understood; the hospital wasn’t worried about the proximity because Koschei couldn’t get anywhere by himself.  

The door had barely closed behind David before Koschei’s voice filled the room.  “I already know you’re here to get answers from me, but you’re not getting  _ any _ .  Now  _ fuck off _ .” 

“I don’t need any answers because I know you did that to get back at me…” David murmured.  He sighed and closed his eyes as he leant against the door. His arms folded across his chest.  

“So why are you  _ here _ ?” Koschei gave an emotionless chuckle.  “Surely it’s not because you want to be  _ civil  _ with me after what I did to him.  I was going to  _ kill  _ him, Theta.  Had he not gotten the knife, I’d probably still be burying his body.” 

David’s hands clenched, but he held his anger in; he hadn’t come here to start a fight.  “You should have left him… He’d done  _ nothing  _ to you.”

Koschei laughed again.  “He isn’t… who you  _ think  _ he is…  Sooner or later…  You’re going to suffer because of him, too…  Don’t say I didn’t try and save you…”

“Save me?” David bristled with anger now.  “ _ Save _ me?  Koschei…  I  _ met  _ him because of you – about the only good you’ve  _ ever  _ done me.  He is  _ nothing  _ like you are; he’s only ever made me  _ happy,  _ but with you, all I wanted was to  _ die _ .  Don’t you  _ ever  _ claim to be saving me again.” 

Koschei snorted.  “You clearly don’t know him.  You’ve got  _ a lot  _ to find out about him.  It’s okay; when he hurts you, you can always come back to me, Theta.” 

“No.” David turned to leave before his anger consumed him.  His hands clenched by his sides as he growled, “No. I gave you the chance to change and you let me down.  No second chances.” 

David was gone.  He didn’t go back to Matt’s room; he wasn’t sure he was in the right headspace to do so.  Instead he went down to the café, and though he ordered a tea, he didn’t drink it; he was sure that if he were to consume anything, he was going to throw up.  

The minutes turned to hours until finally, his phone vibrated with a text.  It was from Amelia’s number, with two simple words;  _ he’s awake.   _

Did he  _ want  _ to go back to Matt’s room?  He wasn’t sure, but his feet carried him there anyway.  He opened the door and looked in, watching as a nurse fussed with the multitude of medical apparatuses connected all over Matt’s body.  

“Matt…?” 

Matt looked at him, but there was something in his eyes David couldn’t quite decipher.  He pondered over it, trying to understand exactly what it was; it wasn’t emptiness and it wasn’t sadness – and it  _ definitely  _ wasn’t happiness.

“ _ Please  _ sit up for me so I can check all your bandages…” 

The nurse had been asking this for a while, and it was then David understood the strange look in Matt’s eyes; it was anger, clear as day with the shout that escaped his lips as his fist swung towards his nurse.  

Amy’s horrified yell drowned at Matt’s irate mood.  “Matt!  _ Stop  _ it!” 

Matt didn’t even take notice of Amy until she had grabbed his arm when he pulled back to launch another punch.  He spun around with a loud snarl and directed his fist towards her instead, and this time he made contact, a sickening crunch filling the air as Amy’s head snapped to the side.  

Matt snarled something under his breath as he tried to get a third swing in, but he was stopped by the hand that caught his fist.  His shoulders heaved with his shallow breaths as he glared straight back at David.

David displayed nothing to suggest he was angry.  He only stood there, between Matt and Amy with his lover’s fist in his hand as they made eye contact.  Matt’s irritability didn’t vanish; he only seemed to grow angrier with each passing second. David, however, commanded, “ _ Enough _ .” 

It worked.  The huffs Matt had been breathing slowly deepened as the anger vanished off his face and his eyes gradually widened with realisation.  He stayed silent as he regarded Amy with a shocked expression.

“Amelia…?” 

Amy moved her hands from her face at David’s call.  Her eyes welled with tears at the blood on her face, but she didn’t let them fall; she had to be brave.  “…” 

David looked over his shoulder at the nurse who had taken to standing on the other side of the room, as if debating with herself whether or not to call for help.  He nodded at her towards Amy, silently requesting help. 

“Come on, dear; let’s clean you up…” The nurse came and took Amy from the room, leaving Matt and David alone.  

Matt wasn’t looking at David anymore; he found that his pillows were much more interesting at this current moment, and when he heard his boyfriend talk, he cringed and scrutinised them much harder.

“I know _ exactly  _ how you feel.” David almost could have passed for stoic if he’d been able to remove just that tiny bit of agony from his voice and eyes.  Matt still didn’t look at him. “That’s how he gets you. He gets into your head and he  _ destroys  _ you until  _ nothing  _ is left.”

Matt stopped fumbling with the loose thread of his blankets now, but his eyes still stayed fixed on them.  “…” 

“He did to me, too…  He did the same thing with me, and seeing you now… reminds me of how bad I used to be because of him…  He does his best to stay inside your head, but you can’t let him, Matt. Do you hear me? You  _ can’t… let him.”  _

Matt cringed when he felt both of his hands taken into David’s hold as the other got to his knees to beg him.  He avoided eye contact. “…” 

A single tear rolled down David’s cheek, his voice full of desperation.  “You can’t let him  _ win,  _ Matt…  You _ can’t _ …” 

Matt ripped his hands from his lover’s and rolled onto his side so he didn’t have to look at David.  He snarled and jerked his elbow back when he felt his shoulder being grabbed, and it seemed to get the point across because David let go of him and footsteps backed away from the hospital bed.  

David sighed.  He dropped himself down onto the chair opposite the bed.  “Matt… I’m  _ not  _ going to leave you, no matter  _ how  _ much you want to be alone now because of  _ him _ …” 

If Matt had heard those words, he gave no reaction to them. 

* * *

 

While Matt slept, David and Amy stood outside the hospital room as they were spoken to by a nurse about Matt’s condition.  

“Are you sure you don’t want to sit down?” she offered.  “This is going to be a lot to take in.” 

They shook their heads.  “We’re fine. Just tell us.” 

The nurse nodded.  She flipped through the pages on her clipboard, wondering where the best place to start was.  “Well… There’s really no easy way to tell you any of this…”

“My ex had hold of him; I’m pretty sure I know what to expect,” David responded.  

She nodded.  “Right. Well, upon physical examination we’ve found that he has a multitude of physical wounds consisting mostly of stab wounds and lacerations from a knife all over his body.  His left shoulder has been dislocated for a great period of time, and his right elbow has been broken. His lungs have been pierced by three broken ribs and he displayed several instances of being unable to breathe properly on his own.  Both of his kneecaps have been broken, and the tibia of his right shows signs of recent breaking; most likely it was fractured or partially broken before he had escaped the house where it had broken fully. The fibula in both legs have been shattered, and both of his feet look to have been broken with an instrument, possibly a hammer.  There was minor haemorrhaging in his brain; it looks like he’s suffered a blow to the back of his head as he was concussed earlier. From where the blow took place, it won’t be unusual for him to experience temporary or permanent visual impairment or blindness ”

David threw his arm around Amy’s shoulders when he heard her sob.  “Shh… It’ll be okay.” 

The nurse hesitated before she continued.  “Physical examinations also showed he has had forced intercourse, but however many times that is, we do not know.  We’ve stitched him up and cleaned him and blood samples have been drawn to test for STIs. His mental state has been extremely fragile since he’s been in our care; has he always been quick to anger?” 

“Matt?!” Amy looked horrified at the question, and her response showed why.  “No way! Matt has always been the sweetest thing… It takes so much to rile him up, and even then…”

David felt his stomach sink at the way she rubbed at the bruising around her cheek and eye from where Matt had struck her earlier.  He rubbed her back. “He’s in pain, Amelia…” 

“We will organise a psychiatrist to come in and evaluate his mental health in the coming days,” the nurse explained.  “We cannot offer any wqass3ewadvise on when he can go home, I’m afraid…”

David clenched his hands and grit his teeth.  His eyes filled with fury as he growled, “Thanks to Koschei, I won’t be surprised if he goes back to the psychiatric hospital…” 

Amy gripped his hand tightly at this as a startled gasp escaped her lips.  She shook her head at the nurse. “Please… My husband is trained in all that, and he and Matt are friends…  Let him handle this… He  _ knows  _ Matt…  He’ll be here as soon as his shift finishes…” 

The nurse shook her head.  “I’m sorry. If he wishes to come in on his own time, that’s up to him, but we’re  _ required  _ to have our own affiliated nurses work with him.” 

David closed his eyes.  At this rate, Matt was going to be here a  _ long  _ time…

 

* * *

 

When the door to Donna’s parents’ home opened that night, David shuffled awkwardly on the doorstep as Donna regarded him with a sympathetic look.  She reached out and put her hand on his, clasping it tightly as she tried to give him a smile.

“He’ll be okay…”  She wasn’t sure if she were trying to convince herself or David, but she was sure she wasn’t fooling anyone.  “Come inside; mum’s left you a plate of food in the microwave.”

David nodded dejectedly as he followed his best friend into the house and towards the kitchen.  He tried to smile at the gentle looks Donna’s mother and grandfather gave him, but it was hard to do so when he knew Donna had told them what had happened and they feared upsetting him by saying anything.  

“Lovely night…” Wilfred fumbled with his mug.  

“It is…” David watched Donna retrieve his dinner before he waved farewell to them and followed her up the stairs to her bedroom.  He sat on her bed as she shut the door behind them, trying to ignore the buzz of her TV in the background. “Your family hasn’t acted like that towards me in years…”

“They don’t want to hurt you,” Donna promised as she passed the plate to David.  “Eat.  _ Please  _ don’t tell my mother we’re sleeping in the same bed tonight; I’ve  _ just  _ got her off my back about hooking up with you!” 

A tiny smile crossed David’s face.  “She still wants us to date…?” 

“Until I told her you had a new boyfriend.  But she’s still all, ‘Oh,  _ Donna,  _ he’s  _ such  _ a handsome man!’ You know how she is.” 

David chuckled.  He put his plate on the bedside drawers and sprawled out on his back.  “I’m going to get some sleep in case Matt needs me through the night…” 

Donna nodded in understanding.  It was the reason David was here; wanting to be close to the hospital in case something happened.  “Do you want me to turn the TV down?”

“It’s okay.” And with that, David was fast asleep, locked in a world of restless nightmares.  


	20. Chapter 20

“Alright, lay down…” David had never been so careful as he deposited Matt from his arms onto their bed.  He went to straighten up, but his lover’s arms stayed wrapped around his neck as Matt kept his head against David’s chest, listening to the steady heartbeat.  

From beside them, Rory examined Matt’s body in silence to make sure the move from the hospital to home hadn’t agitated any of the still-healing injuries.  He sighed in relief when he found that, besides the plaster casts remaining on both legs as well as his right elbow, and with the stitches hidden beneath Matt’s clothing, he looked particularly healthy and as a former medical nurse, Rory was pleased.  “Stay in bed, Matt. Don’t try getting up and wandering around by yourself; your legs need to heal properly.” 

Amy approached next, with a glass of water and medication in hand.  “Alright, Raggedy Man; take these.” 

Matt said nothing as he swallowed the medication – hell, he didn’t even put a  _ resistance _ , showing just how tired of life he had become.  He sniffed sadly as he finally let go of David and pulled his blankets up to his shoulders and rolled onto his side.  

“He’s depressed…” Amy was crestfallen as she gingerly placed the half-empty glass on the bedside drawers.  

“I would be, too, if I had to go through that…” Rory murmured.  

David let them talk to each other as he climbed onto the bed beside Matt.  He didn’t slip beneath the covers or get too close; just enough for Matt to know that he was there.  He reached out and allowed his hand to hover above Matt’s shoulder. “Hey… Matt…?”

Nothing.  No response, but David wasn’t discouraged; he knew Matt was going back and forth through an identity crisis, remaining as Matt until the trauma overwhelmed him too much and he became The Doctor instead, blocking out everything that had ever gone wrong in his life and questioning  _ why  _ his body was so beaten up every time.  

“Doctor…?” 

It worked.  Matt rolled over and snuggled in close against David’s body.  He let out a sigh as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to be lulled into sleep by the drowsiness all his medication was causing. 

“He’s asleep…” Amy sounded surprised, as if she’d expected for it to take a lot more than that to get him to rest.  

“It’s the best thing for him,” Rory promised.  He turned back to David. “He should be okay for today; I’ll come back and check on him in the morning before I go to work.” 

David got up to see them out.  He was as quiet as Matt had been lately as he walked with them to the door, listening to the care instructions Rory gave him and the recommended times for all of his medications for optimum pain control.  

The dreaded topic inevitably arose.  “He isn’t violent because he  _ wants  _ to be, David.  There are triggers.  I still haven’t learnt them all, but don’t hold it against him when he lashes out again.” Rory’s eyes held pain, one of the few times David had been able to decipher enough emotion in them regarding Matt to be able to understand Rory  _ did  _ care deeply about him – he just expressed it so poorly, he came off almost frigid.   

David nodded.  “I know. He’s in a lot of pain.  Matt is still in there somewhere, though; I won’t let go of him until I find it again.” 

Amy blinked away her tears as she turned her head to the side.  She hesitated before he stepped forward and wrapped her arms around David, hugging him so tightly, he was sure he could feel his spine about to break in half.  “I’m so glad he has someone like you… He deserves you… so much…” 

David returned the embrace, but not for long; the last thing he wanted was to overstep any boundaries Rory didn’t want crossed.  He smiled. “I love him, and he  _ more  _ than deserves that.” 

Amy nodded.  “You’re his first relationship.  Did you know that?” 

His eyes widened in surprise.  “No. I thought he’d been with other people before me.” 

“Physically, yes.  But not emotionally or mentally,” Rory clarified.  “Most people find him too high maintenance.” 

“Well,  _ I  _ love him just as he is; high maintenance and all,” David argued.  “I’m  _ glad  _ people were like that to him because it means  _ I  _ get him instead.” 

Amy laughed.  “Is that a Scottish accent I just heard?” 

“Slips out when I get excited.” David waved a dismissive hand.  “How long do you think he’s going to sleep? I can get us lunch from in town if he doesn’t wake while I’m gone.” 

“I’d daresay he’s going to sleep for a long time if nightmares don’t wake him again; he barely slept in the hospital and being back where he feels safe will most likely get him properly rested,” Rory advised.  “You should have time to get lunch; just leave him a note in case he wakes and gets scared.” 

It made perfect sense.  “I’ll go write him one now.  I’ll call you if anything happens.” 

As hoped for, Matt stayed asleep long after David left and returned with food; his eyes stayed closed until it was close to dinnertime, small whimpers and jerks of his body signalling more nightmares.  From where David had been cleaning the windows, he looked over his shoulder and put the cloth down so he could go and shake Matt awake. 

“You’re alright,” he promised as Matt’s eyes fluttered before they finally opened.  “You’re safe. It’s okay.”

Matt’s face paled, and just as he had been doing at the hospital, he leant over the bed to throw up.  David was on it and picked up the bucket he had gotten earlier for these occasions. He stroked Matt’s head as he vomited.  

“Urgh…” Finally, Matt raised his head and dropped himself back onto the mattress.  He moaned softly and closed his eyes as he felt a damp cloth wiping away what clung to him.  “Ten…” 

“Yes, sweetheart?” 

“Can I shower…?” Matt’s nose crinkled.  “I smell like sick now…” 

“You can have a bath so you don’t get your casts wet,” David promised.  “I’ll help you with everything.” 

Matt’s head fell to the side to nuzzle in against the pillow.  David would have to replace it and throw it into the wash tonight so Matt wouldn’t have to smell vomit as he slept.  “Why do I have casts…?”

That question was always the giveaway that David was no longer speaking with Matt and instead The Doctor had made a reappearance.  But as always, David remained patient and understanding. “Your legs and feet are broken. You can’t walk until they get better, so I’ll have to carry you and help you get your legs out of the water, okay?”

Matt whimpered softly.  He moved himself closer to he could lean up and curl his fingers into David’s shirt and rest his head against his lover’s chest to listen to the soft heartbeat.  “…”

“What is it?” David already knew the answer; they’d spoken about this several times before.  

“…” Matt whimpered again before he murmured, “Don’t wanna be touched so much anymore…” 

“Why not?” Was Matt ever going to remember when he became The Doctor?  Or was The Doctor always going to block everything out and spend his appearances not understanding  _ why  _ he felt so incredibly different?  Matt remembered. Matt remembered  _ everything  _ he had ever sought to seek out.  Perhaps that was why Matt didn’t spend much time on the surface anymore.  

“…I dunno…” The Doctor moved closer, snuggling into the arms that wrapped tight around him.  “…Just… Just don’t want to…” 

“Is it okay for me to carry you to the bathroom?” 

The Doctor mumbled under his breath before he looked away and gave a stiff nod.  He whimpered again when he felt David’s arms reach under him and lift him from the bed.  He couldn’t understand it; he used to crave nothing more than being held in someone’s loving arms like this, but now, all it was doing was making his heart race and tears well up in his eyes.  

The Doctor sobbed softly to himself as he was carried through the house, and by the time he was seated in the empty bathtub with David helping him rest his legs on the edges, tears were streaming down his face as he whispered, “What happened to me…?  Did someone hurt me…?” 

David didn’t know how to respond.  He closed his eyes and nodded. “They did…  But you’re  _ safe  _ now…” 

The Doctor’s face went through many expressions until it settled on so much agony, he dragged his nails down his face and  _ screamed _ .  “ _ David! _ ” 

Matt was back, but somehow, David had a good feeling about this; he’d run his entire life, blocking everything out and never allowing time to grieve everything that had happened.  But here and now…

Well, David knew Matt was finally crying for his broken past.  

The running water was drowned out by Matt’s screams, but that was okay; if he needed to scream his pain out, David would stay with him.  The screams were still going by the time the tub filled with water and David had begun scrubbing his lover’s body with a soapy washcloth, but finally, they died down until all that was left was sobbing.

“David…” 

David looked up at his name.  He felt his hand being grabbed by a shaking one, but he paid it no heed.  “Yes, sweetheart?” 

Matt wiped at his eyes.  His whisper was broken, but still, David recognised just that tiny bit of resolve in there that made his body tense in hope; could it be…?  “…I don’t want to forget anymore…” 

“Why’s that?” David leant down to kiss his lover’s forehead. 

“…It’s my story…” Matt wiped at his eyes and sniffed again before he continued.  “…It’s who I am… And forgetting… just made me forget who I used to be… I don’t want to forget me again, David…  I want to remember… I want to remember  _ me _ …” 

David reached out to cup Matt’s face.  He leant in to rest their foreheads together.  “…”

Matt sniffed again.  “I want… I want to  _ help  _ people…  I want to be… a doctor, David…” 

“A doctor?” Did he mean his alter-ego?  Or did he mean an actual medical doctor…?  

Matt nodded.  “Like a doctor.  But not a doctor.  I want to help people, David.  People like me.” 

David moved closer to lean against the bathtub.  He wrapped his arm around Matt and held him close.  “You can do whatever you want, Matt. If you want to help people, you go and help people.” 

Matt nodded.  “David… My elbow is really hurting me…” 

“Keep it out the water and I’ll go get you more painkillers.”  He stood to leave, but before he could do so, Matt grabbed his shirt.  

“Wait…  Don’t leave…?” Matt dropped his head against the tiled wall behind him and sighed.  “Stay with me…”

And David did.   


	21. Chapter 21

David had sworn to himself over the years that no matter how much Jack tried to convince him he had reformed Torchwood from its former dark and loathsome self, he would never step foot inside a building that once sought only to cause pain and suffering to everything around it – but he had to admit, as he stepped through the reception area and out to the hub where everyone would be, the aura of this place had certainly changed for the better.

It was when he stepped into the hub and found Jack’s employees all gathered around at their desks, chatting happily and drinking coffee as they worked away, David had to admit that yes, Jack had  _ definitely  _ made Torchwood at the very minimum better for its employees.  

He looked around in search of Matt, wondering where he could be if he wasn’t seated at his desk that stood empty to David’s left.  He frowned as he noticed Jack and Ianto were absent as well, and he grit his teeth at the thought that he was going to find them in a threesome – but as he stomped up the steps to Jack’s office, he saw them through the glass; Matt seated at Jack’s desk with his new laptop open, with Ianto beside him, explaining something to him as Jack flipped through the textbook David recognised as Matt’s. 

His breath caught in his throat; were they helping Matt with his studies while the three of them were still in working hours?  He felt so light at the thought, and when he pushed open the office door to hear Jack reading a passage from the textbook out loud for Matt to understand, he could have wept in joy; he was so lucky to have friends who accepted Matt exactly as he was and treated him so lovingly.  

“Your employees look a lot happier than the last Torchwood I stepped into,” David muttered as he came to stand by Matt’s side.  

Jack smirked.  “They work for  _ me _ ; of  _ course  _ they’re happy – they get to look at my handsome face every day.” 

Ianto looked up from the sentence Matt was typing into his computer.  He smiled at David. “Jack never lied that; everyone is here because we  _ want  _ to be here.  This Torchwood is different than the one I worked for previously.” 

David felt content at this information, but really, he should have known better than to doubt Jack.  Jack was such a caring person, it only made sense he would make the environment as best he could for his employees.  

He looked down at Matt’s computer.  “What are you studying today?” 

“Psychology,” he responded back as his keys clicked rapidly.  “Everyone has been helping me. Owen said he can help me with my health study tomorrow because he used to be a nurse.” 

David made eye contact with Jack.  “You’re paying him to  _ study _ ?” 

Jack smirked.  He raised his mug of coffee up as he said, “Well, he  _ does  _ make a good coffee, you know?”

David gave a dramatic sigh.  “He’s not your slave!” 

“Of course he isn’t; that’s why Ianto gets paid in peanuts.” 

“Hey…” 

David finally laughed.  He nudged at Matt. “Are you hungry?”

Matt nodded.  He finished typing the last sentence before he closed the lid of his laptop and stood up.  “Gwen and Tosh tried to kidnap me and take me for lunch, but Jack told them to leave me alone because he knew you were coming today.” 

“So he  _ is  _ good for something – at last!”  Ianto tried to hide his laugh as Jack poked his tongue out at them as they walked past.  “Where do you want to have lunch, Matt?” 

“Ianto says there’s a nice café nearby.  Can we go there?” Matt hesitated to step through the door to the outside world, knowing the cold weather would make his legs throb in pain from the plates and screws holding his bones together, but finally he made it with encouragement from David.  

David hummed in agreement.  “Of course we can. Do you want to go and see a movie tonight, too?” 

“Yes!” 

David smiled at Matt’s childlike enthusiasm.  It was always heart-warming to see him so happy because, thanks to Koschei, David was sure Matt would never really get over his occasional violent outbursts.  It was okay, though; no matter what it took to make Matt happy, David would do it.

“David!  David, look!” 

David looked over the wharf and into the water Matt was pointing at.  He smiled as he noticed all of the ducks on the platform beneath them; they must have – “Matt,  _ no _ !” 

Matt sighed as he felt himself being dragged away from the edge.  He pouted as he looked at David. “I can’t go play with the ducks?” 

David removed his arm from his lover’s waist and busied himself with straightening out Matt’s clothing.  He smiled. “No. No, you can’t jump off the edge to play with ducks. But if you use the  _ stairs _ to go down there and  _ stay out of the water _ , you can go and play with the ducks.” 

Matt was gone in the blink of an eye.  David stayed where he was, watching as Matt run around on the platform to chase the ducks arounds.  He smiled. Koschei was still out there somewhere, Matt never truly having gotten justice for  _ anything  _ done to him in his short life, but that didn’t matter right now because no matter how hard Matt had been beaten down, he always got up again with a smile brighter than the last. 

 


End file.
